


First Beginnings

by AlmaLovesApples



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Baker Kim Mingyu, Crack, Fluffy, I'm bad at tagging but I'll do my best, Idiots in Love, M/M, Soft Jeon Wonwoo, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, a lot of texting, everyone's a bit silly, kinda slow burn, long chapters, sad in some places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-10-19 22:01:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17609834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlmaLovesApples/pseuds/AlmaLovesApples
Summary: As if he’d just cast a spell, the two heads that were previously enamoured by each other, focused on him with matching puppy eyes.He melted under the attention, they blinked at him, the human even went as far as adorning a pout, Wonwoo thought it was a travesty.Or the fic where: Wonwoo convinces himself he's got his life under control and Mingyu keeps testing that theory.





	1. Chapter 1

Today was an off day.

Normally he was a bag of luck, but not today. Losing felt odd, it wasn’t something he was used to feeling since he always won. His parents named him well, he often joked about that with his squad. The honourable members were Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Jihoon and Jun. Normally at least one or two of them would be with him, to the point that he didn’t know what being alone felt like anymore. Today was really an off day, because everyone seemed to be busy, declining him one by one and to make it worse, it all happened over text. 

Apparently, his best friend and partner in crime was busy fulfilling a promise to someone. _Strange_ , was Wonwoo’s first thought, because the Seungcheol hyung he knew _never_ kept promises, it was a well-known fact. Wonwoo was immediately suspicious but he kept his fingers from typing his thoughts out.

 

**Sorry Won**

**I promised someone I’d hangout with them today**

He re-read the text on his screen, feeling sceptical,

 

**Who’s more important than me?**

 Wonwoo had replied,

 

**I promise I’ll come by tomorrow, I promise**

 

 

Seungcheol ignored his question and that marked the first of many rejections he’d have to face today.

Wonwoo knew straight away, that the last text was an obvious lie. But he left it at that. Clearly Seungcheol wasn’t down to join him in his bad decision making today, but he had other friends, so he wouldn’t let the older man bring his spirits down, not just yet.

Turns out, _nothing_ was working right, because Jun and Soonyoung got invited to teach a dance workshop. Normally, something like that would be prescheduled, meaning Wonwoo would have time to come to terms with the idea of losing his friends for a few days, but not today. The confrontation went like this, he went to text Soonyoung, still annoyed over the Seungcheol rejection but the former beat him to it. He clicked on the new message from Soonyoung and smiled, he _did_ have friends, who needed Seungcheol?

 

 

**Hey Wonwon**

**Guess what?**

The messages read,

**What?**

He replied eagerly, even letting the nickname slide, not knowing the heartache that was just around the corner.

 

**I’m going Deagu**

The heartache hit and Wonwoo had to double take, did he read that right?

**Why?**

**Teaching a dance workshop**

**When?**

He clutched his phone tightly after his last text, please say it’s not today, please say it’s not to-

His phone vibrated, cutting off his mental pleas.

**Right now**

**I’m at the train station**

Wonwoo felt the sudden urge to hurt his phone, he envisioned hurling the thing at the wall, watching it smash to smithereens. He didn’t care what the crime was, his phone had to pay the price. He sat there for a good minute, then he was calm enough to type again, surprisingly, he didn’t let his anger and frustration show through text. That was hard, Wonwoo took pride in it.

**Oh**

**I was gonna ask if you could come over**

It was clear that wasn’t happening, at least not today. Soonyoung was _always_ down to hangout, so this solidified his belief that today was so off.

 

**Are you ok? Is something wrong? Emergency? Police?**

He didn’t care if his friend was serious or not, what’s important is that saying yes did cross his mind, albeit briefly. But Soonyoung loved dancing, it’d be selfish of him to get in the way of what he loved. He decided to reply honestly,

**No, just lonely**

He sniffled, admitting that to his friend somehow made him feel even lonelier, Soonyoung’s reply didn’t lift his spirits either.

**Awww, sorry Won**

**Ask Jihoon he’ll keep you company**

_Ah, Jihoon,_ Wonwoo thought. Small, cute, innocent little Jihoon. Wonwoo was of the belief that his friend should come with a warning label, because the only thing true about people’s first impression of Jihoon, was his small size. In all other cases he was the complete opposite, call him cute or try to pet his hair and you’d be lucky to keep your fingers. To put it simply, Jihoon was blunt and naturally aggressive, he’d never take Wonwoo’s bullshit. He was also the last person Wonwoo wanted to invite over, not while he was alone anyway, who’d hear him while he was being murdered? Drowned in a bath of his own blood.

**You want me dead?**

He typed back, offended.

 

**You have a point**

Soonyoung’s reply was followed by a string of crying laugh emojis, and Wonwoo finally relaxed a little. Mentally crossing Soonyoung off his list, he was down to the final resort, he sighed, shaking his head.

**I guess I’ll ask Jun then**

**Uhhhh Wonwoo…**

**He’s kinda coming with me**

**Sorry**

**Try Seungcheol hyung**

Wonwoo threw his head back with a groan, several cracks echoed around him, he wouldn’t be surprised if he broke something. He lifted his neck slowly back in place and it settled with a final click, he moved it left to right and it felt alright, so he left it.

**Seungcheol hyung is busy too**

**Something about a promise idk**

**Anyway**

**Thanks for abandoning me**

**Some friends you are**

Soonyoung’s reply was interpreted by Wonwoo as a witch cackle, to the untrained eye it was just a laughing emoji. But Wonwoo knew his friend and he imagined he sounded like an old witch cackling victoriously or something just as sinister. He kicked his desk, _gently_ , he wasn’t trying to injure himself. Then he debated on what to do for a while.

Meanwhile, his thumb hovered over Jihoon’s contact, was he really stooping this low? Was he actually resorting to jihoon?

 

Apparently so.

The saying goes that desperate times called for desperate measures, but something was off today and Wonwoo should’ve definitely expected for nothing to work out. He didn’t expect that though, he made the mistake of having hope, however small, and his short friend gladly crushed it for him. Jihoon obviously refused to leave his studio until he finished writing another song, at least. Wonwoo also got a few threats and insults hurled his way over text, he didn’t know how all that anger fit in such a small body, but Jihoon was definitely scary.

Now he was really left with no options and no friends. In hindsight, that was super sad, but in the moment, Wonwoo was too mad to take notice.

 

Excluding his not so loyal squad, there was the constant extras. The ones that he was forced to know through his squad, friends of friends, only hanging out if the mutual friend was also present. So, he wasn’t super close with them, definitely couldn’t call them to hangout alone, but they were friendly enough to maybe smile if they bumped into each other in public. Those people were Jun’s other half, Minghao, Soonyoung’s sunshiny friend, Seokmin and Seungcheol’s husband, Jeonghan. Wonwoo found himself always needing to clarify that they weren’t actually married, not even dating, which was hard to believe at first.

Actually, he still didn’t believe it, friends don’t stare longingly across the room at each other, they don’t constantly search for the other’s touch, feed each other and get angsty when separated. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were a puzzling duo, he was still figuring out how they were both so dense. He shook his head, frustrated at the mere thought of their stupidity, they were clearly in love, everyone saw it, except the pair involved apparently.

Today there were much more pressing matters adding to his frustration, he kept losing. It started with the three rejections from his closest friends, then he decided to turn to his gaming, the one thing that _never_ failed him, he lived for the thrill. 

 

 

Not today though, something was off today. He set up as usual, played as usual but he won nothing, which was _very_ unusual. With every loss he felt the foreign sense of failure creeping up his windpipe, his eyes were starting to sting from all the squinting, because he definitely wasn’t crying. Three rounds of consecutive defeat and he felt the sudden urge to defenestrate his computer and then himself. He didn’t ignore the signals, the warning lights that flashed in his mind, telling him he might be losing his sanity and clearly this was his cut off point, his pride evaporated and despite feeling so lonely, he was glad to be alone. Imagine if one of his squad saw him like this, getting his ass served to him like he was nothing, he wouldn’t live it down.

 

Cold air rushed in through the window as he opened it. His face suddenly froze, and his veins felt like they were filled with ice instead of blood. He shivered and immediately shut it. He needed that shock, but there was no way he’d willingly subject himself to more of that torture. Not that he wanted to go outside anyway, but it was nice to have an excuse not to.

 

Sighing he dropped face first into his neatly made bed and reflected on his odd day, something felt off. It was a Saturday, so no school until Monday and no work either, since he quit his dumb barista job. Wonwoo was sure he'd never regret doing that, no matter how broke he got, and he couldn’t imagine being any broker than he currently was.

His phone vibrated incessantly on the bedside table, cleanly slicing through his train of thought and making him frown at being disturbed so rudely. “Thinking” wasn’t even something he liked to do on weekends, and instead of his valiant efforts being appreciated, his phone thought to just interrupt him.

As he glared at the vibrating device, his earlier thoughts popped up in his mind’s eye, a wall, a smash, smithereens, it definitely deserved the punishment.

Wonwoo sat up after clearing his head, crossed his legs and unlocked the device, seeing a band of unread messages from a contact named “goof”. Wonwoo sighed, _could his day get any worse?_ He doubted that. Goof texted again and the phone almost wiggled out of his palms, he debated whether to ignore them until tonight or read them now. Five seconds later he switched his phone off and placed it screen down on the wooden table, ignoring goof was easy, Wonwoo was an expert after all. Then he resumed thought, except this train was very different than the last, he didn’t know if he wanted to be on it, but he didn’t want to get off either.

 

When he’d first met goof, he’d actually found the tall stranger _handsome,_ he was enthusiastic and happy and everything Wonwoo wasn’t. He was animated and funny and touchy-feely and at first, Wonwoo thought he was developing a crush on goof. In hindsight, he can’t believe what a _fat joke_ that was, the idea of him liking goof was ludicrous and downright insulting.

Goof worked in the bakery across the street from a coffee shop. The _same_ stupid coffee shop that Wonwoo worked in as a barista and hated every minute of. Goof would smile and wave through the glass whenever their eyes met and when business was slow, he’d come over with a baked treat and a bucket load of entertaining tales to tell him. It also helped that he had a captivating lull to his voice, it made him forget the time and take his mind off the dreaded reality of working in a shit hole. He didn’t get why people romanticised the idea of cafes so much, it was dull, and he always burned himself on the scorching milk and his legs were in constant pain from all the standing. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the costumers were rude, and the machines were complicated to take apart and clean and his co-worker was some pretentious shmuck that made his shifts hell.

The only good thing that happened during the six months he’d worked there was, _nothing_. Well, maybe meeting the goof wasn’t the _worst_ thing to happen in his barista days. With that being said, it wasn’t like it was a _good_ thing either, goof just made Wonwoo’s shifts bearable, his stories were something to smile about and his face was something nice to look at, but that was all. Wonwoo never asked for the other man to keep him company but he always did anyway, for a whole six months, they were even starting to become more than strangers who worked across the street from each other until, well until he decided to quit of course. The baker insisted they exchange numbers and keep in touch, Wonwoo only agreed for the sake of being polite, he regrets fulfilling that seemingly harmless request now, he should’ve faked the number at least, but too late for that now. On that sunny mid-August weekend, when they'd hugged in goodbye on the side of the road, he thought that was the end of that. That he could finally file away those memories, maybe smile about them years from now and wonder what the friendly baker was up to, he wanted to keep their story this way, short and sweet. Wonwoo really didn't see this coming, because goof wasn't allowing himself to be forgotten, for reasons beyond him.

 

 

Wonwoo sometimes liked to categorise things, not to be rude, but just to avoid confusion. He did it with his socks and university textbooks and even friends, or people in general. His family was at the top, followed by his squad, although he was tempted to lower them after today. Then came the friends of friends, then classmates and co-workers, then everyone else, then goof. Yet the latter never stopped pestering him since he quit a whole three months ago.

He popped up in his mind two, three, maybe ten times in one day to torment him with his sick (sweet) smiles and tantalising (tender) eyes. When it wasn’t in his head, then the torment was happening in real life, the baker would text him randomly every few days, sometimes every day, sometimes it would get so bad that Wonwoo’s phone received a new message from him every few hours. He didn’t like that, someone so low on his list of priorities didn’t hold the right to have this much power over him, it was starting to feel like too much, he didn’t know how much longer he could go without exploding. 

For the most part Wonwoo managed to keep him at bay, replying every once in a while, and always giving the perfect excuse to avoid seeing him. Weekends were the hardest, because goof knew Wonwoo was free and he struggled to sound plausible as he rejected the baker over and over.

“Why won’t he leave me alone” was the subject of many conversations he’d had, both with friends and with himself. To this day, he had no answer, maybe goof was just super dense and didn’t realise Wonwoo was deliberately avoiding him. Or maybe Soonyoung was right and goof wanted to lure him into a human trafficking ring and harvest his organs, he knew looking this healthy would bring him trouble.

Maybe Jihoon was right about goof feeling sorry for the "depressed looking barista who clearly hated his job and never talked to anyone", Jihoon's words, Wonwoo had to agree they were pretty accurate. “He probably pities you, thinks you have no friends.” The shorter would remind him whenever Wonwoo complained about the tall baker blowing up his phone. Jun however, could _never_ be right, his Chinese friend suggested that maybe goof _liked_ Wonwoo and wanted to get to know him, to _date_ him. Wonwoo immediately shot that one down, Jun was so stupid, and goof was too perfect to want someone as plain as Wonwoo, his brain supplied the facts. Personally, he knew his thoughts were a bit bipolar but digging any deeper might uncover something even uglier, so he didn’t dwell on it. Also, he personally leaned towards the human trafficking idea, it was easier to rudely ignore someone when you _convinced_ yourself they were a serial murderer.

 

He sighed, cutting his thoughts off and wondering why his life had to be so complicated. Wonwoo laid back down on his bed, tried to keep his mind blank when a flood of random thoughts broke loose in his brain. The laundry, the groceries, the homework, they all fought for dominance and he wanted nothing to do with any of them, not today. This is why he hated thinking on weekends, he cursed his bag of luck for abandoning him. Tried not to hurt too much over the thought that he could’ve been blissfully blank, winning games until the sun set and the night deepened. He wondered where his day could’ve gone wrong, he’d woken up at the acceptable time of 10am, and under his rule it’d be a _crime_ to wake up any earlier. The next hour or so he’d spent cleaning his room after a week of neglect, showering, then eating a granola bar and a carrot, _this_ is why he really needed to go grocery shopping. But errands were such a chore and weekends were meant for relaxing, that was his philosophy and he swore by it.

He wiggled around as he thought, trying to come up with a valid excuse to avoid his responsibilities. If he wasn’t having such an off day, his friends or games would be the perfect excuse, but as things stood, he had neither. 

He yelled into his pillow, admitting defeat, he’d always been satisfied with his group of friends, but right now he really regretted not expanding the squad. Moping around, he took much longer than socially acceptable to wear his three layers of socks and beanie, but his toes were precious, and he worried they’d fall off due to the atrocious weather unless adequately protected.

 

 

 

  

 

45 minutes is how long it took for Wonwoo to finally leave his second-floor apartment, he walked past the ancient lift and hopped down the stairs until he encountered the devil on the first-floor landing. He grabbed the handrail so hard his knuckles turned white and his heart jumped up his throat in fright. _That was a close call_ , he sighed in relief, he’d barely avoided running into him, but he was the only one relieved, as it seems the devil had yet to lift his head and acknowledge him.

“Why are you always scaring me shitless, ha?” the little devil with the expressive brown eyes jumped at his legs and yapped in greeting, Wonwoo sunk to his knees and allowed the energetic brown fluff ball to snuggle into his arms. He combed his fingers through the thick fur and scratched all his favourite spots, the devil wiggled around contentedly and Wonwoo hated how cute things made him involuntarily smile and coo, especially when the cute thing was the actual devil. A few minutes into the petting session and Wonwoo remembered why he ventured into the great outdoors in the first place. He stood up, the devil whining in complaint, his heart melted at the puppy eyes, but he wouldn’t waste his time with a neighbour’s dog when he had errands to run.

“Sorry pup, I need to go.” He didn’t care how crazy he looked waving goodbye to a dog that most likely didn’t understand him, no one was here to judge him anyway. Then he turned and took the rest of the steps down. At the door he looked back and saw the devil following him, the little thing had a reputation for following people outside and losing himself. It happened so often when Wonwoo first moved here a year ago, the granma on the first floor, his owner, had told him off one too many times for accidentally letting him out. Strangely, it hardly happened with any of the other occupants in the five-storey building, Wonwoo was certain the dog was deliberately getting him in trouble.

He let go of the handle, “no, go back.” The dog just sat there, looking sad and dejected, “don’t follow me, okay?” Wonwoo begged the devil, he couldn’t stand getting yelled at by that granma again. The dog whimpered, looking away and Wonwoo saw that as his opportunity to escape, he quickly turned on his heel and stepped out the door. Only when he was outside did he breathe in relief, because as he looked back in through the glass, he saw the dog barking at him, jumping around to show his unhappiness at being left behind. If it were human, its expression would undoubtedly read betrayal, but Wonwoo wasn’t one to sympathise with a devil so he turned his back on the creature and walked away.

 

 

The first thing he noticed as he left the apartment complex was the formidable chill, freezing his cheeks and making his eyes water. He couldn’t feel his nose anymore but felt proud that he managed to bundle up so well. Sacrificing half his face wasn’t too bad, at least his toes were safe. He stuffed his gloved hands in his pockets, frowning when his left hand collided with something already inside, he closed his fist around the soft object and pulled out a facemask. _Nice,_ he mused, pulling the lucky find over his mouth and up to his freezing nose. Maybe this was a sign for the return of his bag of luck, the end of this off day and the continuation of his winning life. Only time would tell though, so he thought he’d wait, in the meantime his legs would continue carrying his skinny self to the supermarket.

 

 

 

 

Most people didn't just walk into a huge supermarket without an action plan, they at least had _some_ idea. A rough mental list or a specific category of items, say toiletries or fruits. Wonwoo had none of that, nothing but himself, the empty shopping trolley he was clutching on and a maze of aisles upon aisles that he'd have to aimlessly navigate. There were a lot of ways he imagined spending a Saturday afternoon, this was definitely _not_ one of them.

Slowly, he began walking in a straight line, scanning the shelves on his right side until he reached the back, then he turned around and walked back to the front, this time scanning his left. Once he'd finished that aisle, he realised two things, one: this method would take him all day and two: why was he searching the garden section when he didn't have a garden. He decided to just walk around the store for a bit, figure out the floor plan and what went where, maybe stop once he reached the ramen or ice-cream section, whichever came first, he wasn't picky. Wonwoo was thinking when his head began pounding, it was a tiny ache in the back of his mind, but it was enough for him to flinch and stop thinking. When he looked up again, he finally noticed the signs above his head, frozen foods and meats were to the right, bakery and snacks were to his left and Wonwoo swore he had no idea supermarkets had that. So, 20 minutes after he showed up, he finally began shopping, finding things with relative ease all thanks to the signs that no one bothered telling him about.

 

His cart began to slowly fill up as he expertly weaved through the aisles, grabbing almost randomly at the items on the shelves. Upon realising, he slowed down and inspected his haul, finding the contents to be mostly food, specifically, sweet foods. Too many sweets, he _was_ hungry, but even _he_ realised this was both costly and unhealthy, he briefly debated returning the sweets to their original place, but time was precious, so he abandoned the trolley near the bread section. Then he grabbed a few ramen packets and a gallon of milk before heading to checkout, realising he’d wasted a whole hour picking stuff that he eventually abandoned. As he waited in the slow-moving line, the thought that he'd make a terrible parent randomly crossed his mind, it was terrifying, but before he could refute the thought, the costumer in front of him finished and it was his turn. He stood blankly as the cashier scanned everything with super human speed, his eyes got blurry just watching, and before he knew it, she was done.

"that'll be 8500 won, sir" Her tone sounded dead, like the lifeless wrinkles on her hands, she was either very bored or close to actua-

Wonwoo startled out of his thoughts and grabbed for his wallet while the old cashier bagged his items, she didn't even look at him once, which was rude, but he couldn't even be offended because he had more important things to lose his mind over. Like the lack of a wallet on his person, his coat, jeans and hoodie were all empty, he didn't even have his phone. Wonwoo got what he wanted then, because the old lady finally looked at him, clearly impatient but still trying to remain professional, he should've been careful of what he wished for really.

He panicked, looking back at the line with wide eyes, the only part of his self which was actually visible, the costumers behind him all looked to be in different stages of annoyed and he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He considered just legging it, but his eyes clashed with two scary looking security staff and he thought against it, he lowered his head, angry at himself for forgetting something so important, for putting himself in this situation. He felt a strong sense of shame, he'd never been this embarrassed before in his short-term memory and he positively wanted to evaporate. He lifted his hand to pull down his thick face mask that covered him from the nose down, in hindsight, it wasn't helping his case, he must've looked like a thief, a pathetic one who didn't know how shoplifting even worked. As his gloved fingers grabbed the mask ready to pull down and apologise, another eerily familiar voice joined the conversation.

"I'll pay for him." then a hand from behind his back handed over a card to the old lady, he heard the beeping as it got swiped and the whirling of the machine as it printed his receipt. He was mortified, staring at the old lady with wide eyes, her expression now closer to pity than impatience, he grabbed the bag from her wrinkled hands and speed walked out of the shop.

 

 

The cold air shocked some ice into his brain and helped him calm down, soon his breathing evened, and his steps slowed. The only thing giving him hope was that the interaction wasn't recorded and he'd most likely never see those same people again, although he'd have to find a new place to shop. He pulled the mask higher to cover most of his face, then he chuckled, realising that even if anyone in there knew him, they probably wouldn't know it was him. And just like that the tension melted from his frozen shoulders, sometimes he felt like they were broad for the sake of it, good for nothing, but Soonyoung always said they were nice to lean on so maybe they were good for something after all. Lost in his shoulder evaluating thoughts, he didn't pick up the sound of rushing footsteps from behind him, which in all fairness,  _shouldn't_ have been a big deal. Except when most humans were sheltered away from the icy weather and only crackheads and serial killers were roaming the frozen streets. Wonwoo obviously being the former, therefore the person running up behind him could _only_ be a serial killer.

_Deep breaths,_ he whispered in his mind, just in case this serial killer also doubled up as a mind reader, he was in the middle of debating whether he should keep walking at his normal pace or speed up, but Wonwoo was a coward, he didn’t want to trigger something. That’s when a gust of wind hit him from behind, like a whoosh as a tall man dressed in black jogged past him and into the distance. Wonwoo stopped, his masked jaw dropping as far as it could in shock, he looked back and indeed no one else was behind him. He took a moment to accept the strange turn of events, in his defence that man had all the makings of a serial killer, he was dressed head to toe in black and was much taller than your average south Korean male. Then there was the build, although he wore a thick coat and Wonwoo only caught his back, there was no denying that man packed some serious muscle, _anyone_ would think he was out for blood, not just Wonwoo. The shopping bag dangling from his arm was identical to Wonwoo’s but he failed to notice that small detail, he was only willing to pick up on the clues that supported _his_ theories.

 

He approached his apartment complex, not quite present but not completely lost in his thoughts either, when a few yards ahead he noticed a ball of brown fluff, jumping up and down and licking a person’s hand. For Wonwoo’s eyesight, a few yards was _still_ too far but he’d recognise the thick chocolate curls from a mile away. That little devil had somehow followed him out even though he was sure he’d shut the door, if not him then it must’ve followed a less responsible neighbour. Either way, he was out and the granma was probably freaking out thinking she’d lost him again, so he did the right thing and detoured, heading for the figure in black petting his neighbour’s dog instead of the door. The devil sensed his approach and ran towards him, jumping and barking in greeting, Wonwoo sighed heavily, _why was this devil so cute, it wasn’t fair_. After his mental complaint, he crouched down and picked it up, letting it snuggle into the fur on his coat.

“Are you the owner?” The voice sounded familiar and he found it weird how every voice he heard today somehow sounded familiar, did he need to check his ears? Maybe.

He nodded in answer as the stranger who’d been playing with the devil approached, and that’s when Wonwoo had to stop himself from stumbling backwards. He watched, shocked, as the taller than average south Korean male, dressed head to toe in black and definitely packing major muscles started petting his neighbour’s dog. It was so much scarier up close.

 

“You should be more careful, I found him playing by the road.” The taller man murmured, and the first part sounded cynical to Wonwoo’s ears because of his earlier theory. But all of the man’s attention was currently on the dog in Wonwoo’s arms rather than Wonwoo himself, people just didn’t see him it seems.

 

“Uhm thanks, I’ll definitely keep that in mind.” He mumbled as best as he could with a facemask covering his mouth, only slightly jealous of the devil. But really, he just wanted to disappear as quickly as possible, what kind of serial killer saved small dogs, it was unsettling and made no sense.

 

It seems jealousy was his downfall, because he should’ve kept his mouth shut. He should’ve nodded and jogged as far away from this man as he could, now that chance was lost. The stranger’s focus shifted on him and his eyes narrowed on Wonwoo, his breath hitched at being watched so intently, why was he always asking for things he clearly couldn’t handle.

He tried to not let his completely rational fear show and stared back with as much confidence as that of a noodle, thankfully his natural slits for eyes made it seem like he was also glaring at the stranger.

Having nothing better to do while he waited for the other to speak, (there was _no way_ he’d be talking first) he found himself really looking into those eyes. Which upon closer inspection were actually shinning in curiosity rather than danger, Wonwoo frowned, noticing how the eyes were almost as brown as the devil’s fur, rich and deep and lovable.

 

“Wonu hyung?” the serial killer suddenly asked,

This time Wonwoo fell flat on his ass and the devil ran towards the road behind him.

“Shit” they swore simultaneously, but neither noticed the coincidence.

Wonwoo dragged himself off the freezing concrete and the other man ran after his neighbour’s dog. _How the hell does he know my name? Will I die today? Is the devil getting dognapped? Will the granma have to live alone now? Where have I heard his voice before?_

His questions were all answered non-verbally when the stranger came back, hands full of dog and facemask gathered around a strong jawline. Wonwoo caught a glimpse of the face underneath, of the radiant smile showcasing adorably protruding canines and he wanted to shoot himself. 

“It _is_ you, right?” The newly revealed man enquired excitedly, Wonwoo had no idea how anyone could look this happy when it was this cold outside. He avoided the searching eyes, snatching the dog back and shouting, “You got the wrong guy” before running away.

 

He wasn’t running for long, maybe half a second or one at most, before a hand on his skinny bicep yanked him back and the other man must have underestimated his own strength because Wonwoo went flying into a solid, coat-cushioned chest. He took a second to catch his breath, man was he out of shape.

“Hyung, why are you running?” that stupid raspy, honey velvety voice, was talking at him and now it made sense, this is why it was so familiar. Of course, his day _could_ get worse and the goof now kind of knows where he lives but also, he’s befriended his neighbour’s devil of a dog. And just for a moment he stopped to appreciate how beautifully cruel the universe was, a real dog devil and his human counterpart meeting to ruin his life, the perfect script for a horror movie.

 

He was saved from coming up with a lie to use as an answer for the first question when goof asked a second question, “The guy who didn’t bring money to the supermarket was also you. Right hyung.” But this question sounded more like a statement, they both knew the answer, Wonwoo wanted to die and he didn’t even take his mask off yet.

He sighed, stopped hiding in the other’s solid and surprisingly warm chest to say, “And I guess you paid for my stuff.” Also not a question, Wonwoo knew already, everything was off today so _nothing_ surprised him anymore. Also he was kind of mumbling and his mouth was covered so he didn’t even know if the other heard him. His curiosity was satisfied when the taller man eagerly nodded his head, apparently, he’d heard just fine.

What caught Wonwoo’s attention was the sparkle in those wide chocolatey eyes, then the smile that stretched over high cheekbones, skin sun-kissed even in winter and he didn’t know what part of him thought that was a relevant observation, but he had to agree, Mingyu was very beautiful, he missed seeing his face.

_Dammit_ , he cursed internally, breaking his self-imposed law of never saying that name, it excited him, gave him goose bumps, butterflies and all sorts of unwanted feelings. Feelings that Jun insisted he had, but the world collectively agreed that Jun was stupid, so Wonwoo most _definitely_ had no feelings for Mingoof.

Figuring he had nothing to lose, he removed the mask, letting it dangle from one ear, feeling the dissatisfaction painted on his own face. Then like a fast-forwarded clip of the sunrise, Mingyu’s smile increased in brightness, like the full beam lights on a car or the top of a lighthouse, too bright, blinding. Wonwoo’s frown deepened, he couldn’t see any reason for the other to be beaming, personally, he found it rude, especially when he’d had such an off day. The devil chose that moment to interrupt the nothingness that was happening and Wonwoo obliged, petting his fur and cringing as he licked his face.

He heard a chuckle and wondered what the other found funny, his constant positivity was getting on Wonwoo’s nerves. Then he finally spoke again, “I didn’t know you had a dog, hyung” Mingyu stared at him with an unreadable expression and Wonwoo clarified, “He’s not mine.”

The taller frowned at his answer and Wonwoo remembered how he’d already lied about being the owner earlier, when he’d still thought Mingyu was a serial killer, mind reader and dog napper. He almost laughed at his imagination, all of that and it was only the annoying goof that wouldn’t leave him alone. Oh, the irony.

Wonwoo cleared his throat, then he gestured towards the dog with his head, “he’s my neighbour’s” goof’s mouth opened around an “ahh”, it looked like he finally understood.

“what’s his name?” Mingyu asked, abducting the dog from right under Wonwoo’s nose.

“Akuma.” He replied, not skipping a beat. Mingyu pouted, head tilting as he finally looked away from the damn dog for the first time in a whole minute, any longer and Wonwoo was certain he’d die.

“But… that’s devil, in Japanese.” His voice was small and kind of heartbroken, like a kid finding out Santa was a fat white lie the night before Christmas.

Frankly Wonwoo was confused, he had the sudden urge to hug him and he didn’t want to know where that came from, but he wasn’t going to do it anyway, instead he scoffed, “I’m surprised you know what that means.”

Mingyu was now snuggling the tragically named ball of fluff to his face, not catching on to the rude undertones in Wonwoo’s sarcastic remark, either that, or goof was choosing to ignore it. Either way he was once again completely enraptured by the devil and Wonwoo was back to frowning again.

Mingyu was cooing and murmuring into Akuma’s soft fur while the devil dog barked happily and Wonwoo was forced to listen, “I don’t see why anyone would call you that, you’re such an angel.” Wonwoo bit his lip, refraining from correcting him, even though it was killing him inside. On the outside though, he couldn’t feel his face, it was completely frozen and all he wanted was to cuddle in his blankets and put on Netflix’s fireplace series, because watching videos of burning logs in 4k warmed his cold heart. 

 

He cleared his throat, Mingyu and Akuma either didn’t hear or didn’t care, he glared and spoke louder on purpose, “I’m gonna head inside, now.”

As if he’d just cast a spell, the two heads that were previously enamoured by each other, focused on him with matching puppy eyes. He melted under the attention, they blinked at him, the human even went as far as adorning a pout, Wonwoo thought it was a travesty.

“It’s really cold, I’m freezing.” Despite his repulsion by the view he still found himself explaining. Mingyu turned the pout on Akuma and Wonwoo could finally breathe.

Watching the pair before him, he wondered when they’d gotten so close, rubbing noses and cooing so lovingly. Wonwoo knew the fluff ball a whole year longer and it irked him to learn that what they had was nothing, if he was already this close with Mingyu that is, especially because it was the goof. That fact made him feel a million times worse, driven by this new prickling emotion, he yanked the dog and cradled him in one arm, clutching his groceries in the other. Then he forced a smile, the friendliest he could manage when all he felt was anger and annoyance.

 

This time when Wonwoo looked at the taller, there was no smile to be seen, instead the baker looked pensive and a tiny bit sad. The twinkle in his eyes was still there when he stared into Wonwoo’s, but it was definitely duller. Suddenly the mood shifted, he heard the wind’s blow better and felt its icy caress more vividly on his skin, he noticed how much darker it had gotten, the moon now visible just above Mingyu’s head. He briefly wondered how long he’d been out for and thought what a waste of a day it had been, without his permission, a deep sigh escaped.

Mingyu chose the same moment to speak, “hyung, did you get my texts?” His question was hesitant, and his voice was small.

Wonwoo figured it took a lot for the other to ask this and he actually felt a flicker of guilt. He didn’t know what to say, Mingyu looked prepared for the worst-case answer. But kicking a puppy that’s already down and in pain, didn’t sit well with him. Sure, he wasn’t too keen on the younger and was adamant he wanted to be left alone, but that didn’t make him a bad person. There had to be a way to nicely cut someone off, being mean would just make him feel bad. He didn’t want that.

An image of his bedroom came to mind, the sleek black device, screen down on the bedside table, switched off. The truth also came to mind, _I did it all to avoid you, I didn’t want to read your stupid messages, why won’t you leave me alone?_

 

Wonwoo shook his head, he did it to clear his mind but Mingyu wasn’t aware of Wonwoo’s inner dilemma and took that as his answer.

Mingyu’s big eyes widened, a layer of moisture gathering over them, whether from the cold or something else, he didn’t want to know. His hands formed into fists and he pulled them further up his sleeves in an effort to hide them, the action was subtle but Wonwoo caught the movement. “W-why not? Is your phone not working?” Wonwoo didn’t miss the little tremor in his voice, the voice that kept him company during six months of hell, he couldn’t do this to him. 

 

He _had_ to lie.

 

“It _is_ working. I just haven’t checked it all day,” he lifted the bag of milk and ramen (that Mingyu had apparently paid for) as evidence, “I’ve been kinda busy.”

Mingyu finally cracked a smile, it was Wonwoo’s first real win of the day, as trivial as it was, but he felt like he’d accomplished something great. A smile leaked onto his own face and even his voice, “I’ll be sure to check them when I go up, I’ll reply to you tonight.”

He hadn’t meant to sound so supportive, so reassuring but it looked like Mingyu needed it and he didn’t know when he began catering to the other’s needs, but it wasn’t boding well. Lost in his own thoughts he didn’t notice how Mingyu ducked into his scarf or the slight rush of colour to the other’s cheeks, although it was virtually impossible to discern when the cold air forced a ripe blush on everyone’s face.

Mingyu cleared his throat, waving his arms as if to dismiss something, “Take your time, hyung. It’s not important, I was just worried...” Mingyu met his eyes for a brief second, biting his lip before dropping his head, finally continuing, ”... guess I was... thinking that you were ignoring me, again.”

Again? That word hurt Wonwoo more than he'd like to admit. It meant Mingyu felt this way before, that he lost his beaming smile and sparkling eyes _because_ of Wonwoo. _Again_. Mingyu shouldn’t make him feel like this, so guilty and pained, he shouldn’t be able to make him _feel_ so strongly, he was at the bottom of the list, he was a goof. But surely, neither should Wonwoo. He shouldn’t be allowed to hurt Mingyu either, he didn’t have the right to rob him of his happiness, he didn’t mean anything special to the younger, why would he?

 

But Mingyu admitted it himself, Wonwoo hurt him by making him feel like he was being ignored, it hurt more to know it was all true, he couldn’t say it though. He’d rather never speak again than say another hurtful word to him, “I- why would I ignore you?...” he inhaled shakily, this was affecting him more than he thought, “I wouldn’t do that, Gyu.”

The younger finally lifted his head, mild surprise painted on his features, maybe it was the nickname that somehow slipped through the cracks. Wonwoo was surprised himself, he didn’t even know it existed in him. “I know, hyung. I’m- it’s just... stupid, I’m sorry.” Mingyu shook his head, not losing his small smile.

“No worries, I’ll be going now.” This was Wonwoo’s goodbye, he stepped back towards the door to make his intentions even clearer.

Mingyu stepped away from him, nodding as he did, it seemed he got the message, “Yeah, it was nice seeing you and I’m sorry for keeping you so long. Don’t feel obligated to reply or anything, it’s really fine.” The younger was rambling, Wonwoo noticed he did that sometimes, he didn’t know why though.

Either way, it was Wonwoo’s turn to nod and if he had a third hand he’d also wave, but as it stood, he only had two and they were both struggling with handfuls of barking dog and groceries. He turned back once, when he was halfway up the first set of steps. What he saw, made his face heat up and he looked away immediately, running up until he was out of sight, only slowing down afterwards.

 

 

Through the glass he’d seen Mingyu, tall, dark, handsome Mingyu. With his uneven teeth and tanned skin, his expressive eyes and surprisingly warm chest, he saw him just standing there. Not many people did what he did and still managed to look half as decent, it wasn’t fair, Mingyu wasn’t fair. But none of that forced him to look away, in fact it made him want to keep looking, he wondered if his bad eyesight could be healed by just staring at that sculpted face, it sounded plausible in the moment.

The thing that forced Wonwoo to avert his gaze and run for his life was the delicate look he’d been met with, tender eyes and a smile so telling, it made him feel like he was being invasive. The open expression reminded Wonwoo of a book, laid out for him to read every detail, except it wasn’t any book. It felt more like a journal or a diary, something private and not meant for prying eyes. Wonwoo felt like those prying eyes, Mingyu’s face had been too soft, the look in his eyes too deep and something about his smile felt too intimate. It wasn’t like any expression he’d ever seen on the younger, nothing like any look he’d ever received.

This one shot like lighting up his spine and electrocuted every cell in his body, his brain felt recharged, his heart revitalised, his lungs forgot how to breathe, and he felt weak at the knees. A contrast of emotions, an onslaught of foreign feelings and amidst it all, Akuma had ran into the granma’s home. The little traitor just strutting through the slightly ajar door, not offering anything in farewell, not even a bark. Jealousy spiked for less than a millisecond when he recalled how hard Akuma barked for Mingyu, but not for him.

Quietly, he walked over and closed the granma’s door then he took the stairs up to his floor and into his own apartment.

 

When he’d excused himself earlier, the last thing he imagined was for all these thoughts and feelings to follow him into his own home. Today was Saturday, he didn’t deserve to be tortured this way, he didn’t deserve to be forced to think. But today was also an off day, he wasn’t supposed to win, nothing was going according to plan and it wouldn’t miraculously start to get better now.


	2. Chapter 2

Wonwoo used his head a lot in his daily life. For school, for dealing with Jun, for choosing what to eat, among many other things.

So, for the weekends he liked it a bit more blank. No chance of _that_ today, it was very loud up there, a lot of ruckus and commotion, no end nor beginning in sight. Even his normally silent heart was getting triggered, jerking with a mixture of anxiety and excitement, a cocktail of dread and dreaminess. It was _so_ serious, he resorted to taking his mind off of it with chores, the _real_ final resort.

To summarise his evening, he started by putting away what little he’d brought back from the supermarket, then he took care of the laundry. Emptying the hamper to start a new wash and throwing the clean clothes in a pile on his bed to be folded. Next, he spent an hour scrubbing his bathroom, the first time this month, so once he started he found everything needed his attention. Once he came out, his arms were aching and his back was gone, the physical pain and fatigue worked wonders in concealing his mental turmoil, he welcomed it. Then just as he thought he was done, he decided to vacuum the living area, getting all the corners and under the coffee table, between the sofas and armchairs, dusting off and wiping every surface. The fact that he was being so meticulous was a tad concerning, thankfully no one was around to watch him as he lost his mind.

And just because no cake was complete without garnish, he brought out the finishing touch; a carpet. It was circular and grey and fit in nicely between the sofa and TV, he admired the view, it looked half decent, felt really soft too. The carpet was a gift from his mother which is why he'd been saving it, protecting it since it had sentimental value. He'd been keeping it boxed up in the spare room, which doubled up as a storage facility for him to hoard the things that he was too lazy to throw out. In the midst of feeling up the carpet with his bare feet and melting at the softness between his toes, he realised he needed to stop weirdly obsessing over the carpet.

Apparently, his brain decided that fangirl-ing over some cloth was more thought-worthy than whatever he was avoiding. It didn’t even cross his mind why he was trying _so_ hard to avoid thinking.

He yawned, feeling drained now that he's spent his energy reserves, even the action of dragging his socked feet to his room was taxing.

But the fantasy of sleep was still far from reach as he sat on his bed, dressed in pyjamas next to a mountain of clean clothes, he blinked and then rubbed at his eyes, continuing the motion down his face, he _really_ didn’t have the energy. It’s not like the clothes would get dirty if he folded them tomorrow instead, he reasoned with himself. Also he liked how they made the air smell like his fabric softener.

Like soothing lavender and daffodils, sunflowers in the wilderness, a flowery breeze at dawn and a bright colourful orchid during the day, sleeping peacefully at night, blooming again and again.

Trailing after his thought process made him realise just how sleepy he was getting. Especially when he couldn’t remember lying down or hugging the clean clothes. But when his words stopped making sense and his eyes began to droop, it was already too late to wake up again.

Soon, he was asleep, chest rising and falling peacefully. The only light source in the room was the lamp next to the bed. Also next to the bed was his bedside table, _exactly_ where it should be. His curtains weren’t drawn, and the moon shone brightly through the glass. Some of that light trickled in, reflecting off his computer and the little light that managed to reach his bedside table illuminated his phone, cold, hard and _still_ dead. It was screen down on the wooden surface, unmoved from the moment he put it down hours ago.

He’d have to come to terms with what that meant in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo’s sensitivity to light woke him up, he stirred trying to avoid the light, but it seemed to come from every direction. This could only mean he’d forgotten to draw the curtains last night, not a common occurrence but not rare either. He laid flat on his back to stretch, moaning and pulling his limbs away from his core.

A few soft thuds sounded around him, like something light falling onto his carpeted bedroom floor. He kept his eyes closed, not in any rush to check, he wished he could say the same about the banging on his front door. It was loud and incessant, and he’d already ignored it for two minutes, so his uninvited guest wasn’t in any rush to leave either.

 

Groaning, he felt his way through his apartment, he’d lived here a whole year and it wasn’t the biggest of places, so he had it accurately mapped out in his brain for a while now. It proved to be of use in cases like this, when he wasn’t bothered to open his eyes. But originally, he thought the skill would aid him during a blackout or when his adult friends felt like kids and wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. Wonwoo _always_ felt like playing hide and seek in the dark, but he sure as hell wouldn’t be the first one to admit it.

He fumbled with the deadbolt and the door opened, then turned around and headed straight for the sofa, curling up with the cushions, eyes still shut. He monitored the movement of his guest with his ears, the sound of shoes being discarded at the entrance, a heavy coat hung up on the wall, light footsteps walking towards him. Then he felt the sofa dip, _but not by much_ , he noted.

Wonwoo immediately crossed Seungcheol off the list of potentials, he knew the other was lying when he said he’d come. His guest spoke then, confirming his last thought.

“It’s me... yeah, I’m here.” but Wonwoo frowned, realising he wasn’t the one being spoken to, the words probably directed at someone on the phone, judging by the muffled sounds in between the silences. 

“He’s not dead... just being a bitch as usual... I think he stress-cleaned again.”

Wonwoo would’ve kicked the speaker, _if_ it were anyone else. But it was Jihoon and he was too young to drown in a bath of his own blood, _especially_ , when his bath was too clean to be filled with blood. His arms still ached from the previous night’s hard labour and the reasons for his hard work were requesting permission into his head.

He wasn’t ready to unpack that yet, Jihoon saved him from doing that anyway, finally addressing him, “yah, open your eyes, you fugly mess."

Wonwoo opened his eyes, then immediately narrowed them to glare at Jihoon. The latter regarded him with a bored expression, passing the phone to him while saying, “It’s Soony, the idiot thought you died.”

For a silly minute he’d hoped Jihoon was here because he missed him or because he was worried or even sorry about something. _Nope_ , not a chance, not the Jihoon he knew. He had a few seconds to feel sorry for himself before Soonyoung started screaming his ear off.

It was the usual, worried motherly squealing and nagging, Wonwoo did his best to explain why he was a terrible friend. Then there was more general telling off, things like “why do you have a phone if you never pick up” and “why go grocery shopping if all you end up getting is ramen”. The former rang over and over in his head, lingering over him like an invisible weight, even after the conversation moved on to lighter topics.

Soonyoung told him about the workshop, that it was hard but a ton of fun and that they’ll be coming back later tonight. Then he switched with Jun, his childlike friend always sounding too excited about life, he told him about the t-shirts they’d gotten from the organisers, how it had his name on the back, but it wasn’t spelled right. Wonwoo couldn’t understand how they managed to misspell a three-letter name, but his friend laughed about it and Wonwoo was glad the other was taking it maturely and not being over dramatic.

In the next split second Wonwoo realised he’d (thought) spoken too soon, Jun was just finished talking about how he didn’t care when he suddenly began wailing to him about Soonyoung’s name not getting misspelt, about how unfair that was. Wonwoo thought his eyes would get stuck in his brain because of how hard he rolled them, he barely got Jun off the phone a few minutes later and finally sighed in relief. He turned towards the other end of the sofa and wanted to coo at the sight.

Jihoon appeared to be dozing off, rolled up tightly on his side. Wonwoo went to his room and came back a few seconds later with a thin blanket, draping it over his friend. Then he moved Jihoon’s phone from the sofa to the coffee table and the action reminded him that he owned one of those too. Soonyoung’s earlier nagging question came to mind and he felt guilty, but not about ignoring Soonyoung, that was unintentional, after all.

The guilt he felt was because of someone else and in _this_ case, he couldn’t shake the feeling regardless of his intentions. He had no excuse, he’d promised to reply, he’d given him hope. He didn’t know why the young baker was borderline obsessed with keeping in touch, but he felt awfully mean for acting so disinterested, hesitantly, he went to check on it.

 

While Wonwoo waited for the device to power up, he felt the rising anxiety inside him with every second that passed. _He’ll definitely think I’m ignoring him now_ , was the first thought he had after seeing the number of unread texts from goof. There were a few more from Soonyoung, twenty of the same ones from Jun, and a single one from Jihoon, it read “open the fucking door, shitface.”

Wonwoo glanced at the time, it was sent only 27 minutes ago, he snorted, but that turned into a choke of shock and disbelief, because he noticed he had a message even _more_ recent than Jihoon’s.

Goof had texted him just five minutes ago and his heart rate picked up from resting to galloping in the blink of an eye, _maybe it’s not too late_. With that final hope, he opened the chat, ignoring everything but the latest message. 

**Hyung, good morning.**

**I know I said you didn’t have to reply**

**but I didn’t think you’d actually not reply, lol.**

He licked his lips, eyes frantically going over the words again and again, then he snapped into action. Letting his fingers fly over the keypad and take over the process of salvaging his reputation. 

**Sorry**

**I fell asleep**

**I know it sounds too much like an excuse but**

**It’s okay hyung**

The reply was instant, as if Mingyu was staring in wait, just hoping for a reply. The thought added an extra bruise to his heart, he was so mean to him for no reason. The next few messages were like a slap to the face, because here he was being an asshole while Mingyu was nothing but sweet and caring.

**Are you feeling okay**

**You’re not ill or anything, are you?**

**I’m fine**

**I was just super tired last night**

**I’m glad you’re good hyung**

**Thanks for texting me back**

Wonwoo stared at his screen, he didn’t see that one coming, it made him a bit sad and stuck for a reply. Meanwhile, he realised how rare it was for him to send more than a few words to Mingyu, while the former sent hundreds in his constant effort to communicate with him.

Usually he’d end their conversations prematurely with a lie about being busy, just to avoid him. So now that he realised that their interactions had somewhat of a flow, he felt a bit taken aback and if Mingyu’s most recent text was any indication, it seemed the younger was unsure about the prolonged nature of this text conversation too.

Wonwoo bit his lip, thinking fast on his toes, the guilt from last night hanging heavily over his head. He knew this would be the perfect place to leave it, Mingyu was giving him an easy way out, he didn’t even have to lie, he could naturally let it die down. But strangely, _very_ strangely, he didn’t want to do that, no particular reason came to mind, he just felt like talking some more. If only he was a bit more like _him_ , naturally sociable and effortlessly charismatic, then he’d know exactly what to say.

**So...**

He cursed himself for not being able to come up with anything better, he felt awkward trying to converse with someone he’s worked so hard to avoid. It didn’t help that he still felt sorry and guilty about it all, even though Mingyu didn’t seem to harbour ill feelings. Which should’ve been comforting but mounting confusion was all he felt. 

**You don’t have to text me if you’re busy**

Wonwoo had to blink, take a moment to collect himself, it was like their roles had reversed, it was now _him_ that wanted the other to stay while Mingyu seemed eager to get away. Is this what it felt like whenever he’d rejected to text with the other? Like the snap of sharp scissors cutting through hopes and expectations. He couldn’t even blame him, Mingyu was probably numb to the pain after all these months. But this was Wonwoo’s first time getting rejected, his chest ached, and his head was still reeling from the implications.

**I’m not**

**Busy, I mean**

**Oh...**

Wonwoo suffocated around the awkward bubble he’d indirectly created, fought the rising heat of embarrassment by taking deep breaths and refusing to blink. Mingyu hadn’t replied after that and he knew it was up to him to salvage this wreck, it was obvious he was the one putting the younger off by acting so… _un_ -mean? _normal_? It must be distressing to have someone’s personality transform so drastically and without an explanation.

 

 

**How are you?**

He wouldn’t be surprised if the tables turned and Mingyu ghosted him after his pathetic attempt. But so far, Mingyu kept proving that Wonwoo was the only asshole.

 

**I’m good too hyung**

**I hope you’re having a good day**

**I am**

**What are you up to?**

**Texting you**

_Right,_ having a normal conversation with Mingyu was going to be harder than he thought.

 

**Nice**

**And what were you doing before that?**

 

Just as it seemed things wouldn’t get better, the dam broke and a whole ass flood ensued.

 

**Before that?**

**Well, I made pancakes for my sister**

**It’s her birthday today**

**The whole family’s visiting from Anyang**

**You know that’s my hometown right?**

 

He did _now._

**Yeah I remember**

**Did she like the pancakes?**

**She LOVEd them hyung**

**She liked all her gifts too**

**They’ll be staying until Monday**

**I was actually buying some last minute cake supplies when I bumped into you at the supermarket**

**Granted, I didn’t know it was you until later**

 

He groaned and wrestled the urge to smash his phone against the wall then crawl to hide in his closet for the foreseeable future. But he managed to control himself, for now.

**Can we not talk about that**

**I’m dying just thinking about it lmao**

**Who forgets their money and goes shopping??**

Wonwoo had half a mind to poke fun at Mingyu’s character too, who the hell paid for a stranger’s shopping? Unless they were stupid. However, he sighed and settled for a less offensive comment.

**It happens sometimes**

**It’s probably just you**

**Jeon Wonwoo**

**But wait**

**You mean...**

**It happened before??**

**Loool you looked really flustered though**

**MINGYU**

**Yes??**

**Thanks for saving Akuma**

 

It was an obvious attempt to steer the conversation elsewhere, and he was very surprised it worked.

**Oh, it was my pleasure**

**He’s so cute**

**Why would anyone name him devil**

**He can be evil sometimes**

 

***Gasp***

**Cheeky? maybe**

**but not evil**

**He’s so cute hyung**

**You’ve known him for an hour**

**Okay... but I didn’t need more than a minute**

**to figure out how adorable he was**

**he’s an angel**

**also I’m kinda good with dogs**

**I’ve noticed**

**You have?**

**Yeah, Akuma loves you**

**It’s cute**

**Seeing you together**

**Thanks hyung**

**You too**

**Me too?**

**I mean you looked pretty cute too**

Wonwoo’s brain slipped into disorder, something heavy sank in his chest and he had to clutch where it hurt. It wasn’t a bad pain, but he didn’t know how else to describe it. He just felt funny, like a feather tickling his heart, a foreign yet fascinating sensation.

 

Sadly, he couldn’t feel it for long, because Mingyu’s earlier text was apparently incomplete.

**With him**

Wonwoo’s expression was carefully blank as he put the two parts of the sentence together, and the surfacing emotions sunk back down to the bottom.

 

**Lol thanks**

 

He shook his head; _did he seriously get excited because he thought Mingyu called him cute?_ He shoved that thought in the dungeon with the rest of his mysterious reactions. Lately he seemed to be having a lot of those, or maybe he’d only just began taking notice.

Then they talked about Wonwoo’s studies and it felt nice having someone new to complain to about the hardships of law school. Especially when Mingyu said all the right things to make him feel lighter, he couldn’t stop smiling but he decided he’d deal with the consequences later. Afterwards, Mingyu talked about the bakery and all the treats he’d made recently, about his promotion and clumsy mishaps. Wonwoo caught himself laughing out loud at the mental image of the tall man tripping over air and nearly landing himself in a trash can, he wouldn't have guessed he had this trait considering his visuals, so the contrast was refreshing.

Mingyu somehow managed to lead the conversation into a promise to bake anything Wonwoo asked for, in a bid to persuade him to drop by the bakery.

He half lied, saying he’d be busy and doubted he could make it, because texting behind a screen was one thing, but seeing him face to face was a torture he was still unprepared to endure. At least, not so soon after yesterday’s disastrous meetings.

A little while later, the younger had to leave to celebrate his sister’s birthday and Wonwoo used the chance to fold last night’s neglected laundry.

His fingers worked on muscle memory from his two years of working in a discount clothing shop, he cringed recalling how much folding he had to do back then.

Meanwhile, his mind tumbled around in a field of jumbled thoughts, stumbling over inadequate justifications and finding himself mentally mumbling excuses. Reality was harsh though, like a cold bucket of ice water, he couldn’t gloss over the facts with lies, not when the truth was as clear as day. So he decided to admit it, to himself at least, but only mentally. He took a deep breath, fingers involuntarily scrunching around a pair of red underwear, then he released the confession with his next exhale.

_I enjoyed talking with him, I like it when he’s happy, he’s so pretty, I want his carrot cake and egg tart, I like seeing him smile, I want to know him mor-_

Wonwoo blanched, in his sincerity, he’d forgotten to monitor the contents of his inner monologue. He’d never meant to say half those things, but once he removed the lock, it felt like everything wanted to jump out, to be heard.

To stop it, he came to an elusive conclusion, it entailed finally admitting that he didn’t hate Mingyu, although the tall man was still the biggest goof on earth, nevertheless, Wonwoo couldn’t deny how he deeply wished for his happiness. He decided hurting him was an activity that needed to end, and his thoughts surprised him by going another step further, promising himself to consider him as a candidate for the squad.

It was probably the irrationally hopeful part of him that thought that, but instead of extinguishing that hope, he let it be. Because maybe, _just_ maybe, they could be friends, _or not_. Wonwoo wasn’t too picky, he’d leave it to fate to make that decision.

 

 

Satisfied with his mental state, he returned to the job at hand. Pleasantly surprised to see he was almost done, but then again, he really did have a ton of practise folding a _ridiculous_ amount of clothing back in his day.

Speaking of jobs, it was _definitely_ better than being a barista, but it made him kind of hate clothes. He blamed that experience for the reason he dressed like a hobo, the exact word used by Jihoon and Seungcheol to describe his style, not that Wonwoo cared. Their opinions didn’t matter to him, maybe if the fashion critique came from Jun’s other half, Minghao or Seungcheol’s husband, (not literally) Jeonghan, then it’d have more value to him, it could even change things. But he wasn’t about to take fashion advice from people that, in his unbiased opinion, also dressed like literal peasants.

 

The rolls of paired up socks were the last to go in his drawer, he took it seriously, making sure to organise by dominant colour _and_ length. Once he finished, he couldn’t fight the bubbling smile that lit him up from the inside out, he felt warm, it was a different breed of happy that he didn’t quiet understand but welcomed regardless. Then he was stretching and yawning, by the time he’d finished, his wall clock read 12:31pm and he was just starting to really wake up. He splashed cold water onto his face, hoping the shock would help put his eventful morning into perspective, which kind of worked, if you count his realisation that opening doors before knowing who waited on the other side, was a dangerous move.

After that, he mechanically brushed his teeth, showered and the rest. He even decided to comb his hair, after a short mental tug of war, ironically, he couldn’t decide what was causing his indecisiveness.

On his way to the kitchen he passed by a snoring Jihoon. The shorter must’ve stayed up all night writing songs, it wouldn’t be the first time. Suddenly he felt a fondness creep up his lungs, but also, he felt kind of bad too. Jihoon wasn’t obligated to check up on him, regardless of Soonyoung’s overprotectiveness. So the fact that Jihoon chose to come all the way here and see if Wonwoo was okay, instead of catching up on his sleep, was very touching, he was moved.

But he was also hungry and that was a more powerful emotion, plus all the pancake talk from earlier, meant that he really wanted to have some. But he was a person who messed up slices of toast and set fire to salads on a regular basis, so the idea of him attempting pancakes spelt disaster all over. Thankfully, ramen was an exception and he prepared three packets to boil for breakfast.

He shared it with a grumpy Jihoon, the shorter was indecisively mumbling about what he wanted more, sleep or food. It was entertaining and Wonwoo smiled at his antics, Jihoon cursed at him and they exchanged witty banter back and forth for the rest of breakfast, _brunch_ probably.

 

It seems events weren’t unfolding too tragically today, but he wasn’t sure whether to be happy or weary though, _especially_ after how yesterday turned out. He was surprised how quickly he developed these trust issues. Either way, just as they finished eating, Seungcheol joined them with bags of groceries and Jeonghan in tow. And that was definitely a good thing, he allowed himself to be happy.

 

When Wonwoo first met Jeonghan it was right here in his apartment, the events of that night still fresh in his mind. It began as an impromptu gathering of sorts, Jihoon and Soonyoung showed up with a few bored friends that decided to tag along.

Wonwoo shrugged it off, he could handle a few strangers invading his personal space, that wasn't a problem at all, since he wasn’t antisocial. Meanwhile Jun chose the same night to bring Minghao to meet him for the first time and after a while the fashionista asked if he could invite some other people to “liven the mood”, Wonwoo wasn’t sure why the mood needed livening, but he nodded anyway. Minghao’s stunning smile after Wonwoo’d naively agreed, eased him into a false sense of complacency, _nothing_ could’ve prepared him for what came next, or who.

A _lot_ of “who”s, he recalled standing by powerlessly as his apartment filled up with strangers of both genders. Jihoon brought out his speakers and Soonyoung fished fairy lights out of old boxes, Jun became the unofficial entertainer and his home suddenly resembled the inside of a night club, no one even bothered to ask for his permission. And _that_ bothered him, a lot.

So things were going smoothly, until they weren’t anymore. Because everything was so last minute, meaning his cupboards were empty as usual. So, now there was a full fletched party being hosted in his apartment and he had nothing to feed his guests. He still remembered Jeonghan’s shocked face when all he retrieved from the fridge was milk and a carrot so old, it was elastic.

The experience was traumatic for the both of them, with Wonwoo never allowing people into his home, be it friends of friends or strangers alike. As for Jeonghan, his trauma manifested in him never coming over empty handed, because following that incident he always had at least five separate bagfuls of groceries and snacks and even random household items.

Wonwoo never showed it, but he was secretly grateful for the older, knowing he would truly starve without him, especially since he didn’t even know supermarkets had signs until yesterday. One day he decided he’d repay his kindness, but for now, he’ll eat.

 

The four of them decided to watch a movie after binging on various snacks. Then Jeonghan cooked for them and Wonwoo helped himself to a second serving of the creamy pasta. After lunch, _linner_ probably, Jihoon left for a meeting and Wonwoo dragged Seungcheol to play some Fortnight while Jeonghan napped on his bed. It was a great day so far and he indulged in it.

 

Later that night, as he lay in his bed, having sent off the not-so-married duo and even gotten some homework done, he couldn’t help but compare today to yesterday. He came to conclude that today was his day, a “Won” day, a normal day, he was happy with how things turned out. And he officially slipped away after those positive thoughts.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Morning texts from a certain tall goof were a regular occurrence in his life now, as necessary as caffeine to a stressed and overworked white-collar employee. He was addicted to him, or rather his messages. It gave him his fix, his daily dose of smiles, Mingyu had that effect and Wonwoo was still researching the implications. Aside from mornings, the younger sent good night messages as well, always at exactly 11-11:30pm, leaving him to snicker at the thought of the giant goof having a bedtime. But the realisation that _he_ himself was almost always in bed at around 11pm every night, was enough to shut him up.

Mingyu also texted sporadically throughout the day, Wonwoo did his best to keep up but either Mingyu had a lot more free-time than him or he just wasn’t any good at being sociable.

Regardless of the details, his euphoric reactions and excitement could be justified, kind of. Because Mingyu may have been sending him messages on and off for almost four months but Wonwoo was busy blinding himself to their existence. Now that the fog was lifted, it was only natural to have such charged reactions, because he finally let himself see what he’d been missing. And now that he was looking, he didn’t know why he tried so hard to ignore it in the first place.

Seeing how excited he got as he picked up the phone and how smiley he was after reading them, he couldn’t understand his former self for denying him of this, it felt good.

In between classes, homework, gaming and friends, Wonwoo didn’t really have much time for anything else, but his thoughts were hard to escape sometimes, even during his busy schedules. Little things like reminding himself of what went wrong in the past, things like that misunderstood test question, that embarrassing stutter in his class presentation or that missed train.

Sometimes when he was tired, those thoughts snowballed into the monsters that kept him up at night, effectively compounding his problems, making him more exhausted and irritable. Thus, more prone to making other mistakes, which would eventually have their own turn to haunt him. It was an endless cycle, he just wanted to be better at things and his mistakes were a constant reminder that sometimes, he wasn’t good enough.

To him, these unrealistic expectations were _natural_ , being happy and proud of himself was _natural_ , always winning and having good days was _natural_ , feeling down was definitely _un_ natural and he constantly beat himself up over it. In hindsight, keeping it to himself probably wasn’t the smartest move, but he’d internalised that part of him years ago. Because no one had to know his struggles, they didn’t have to exist if he stopped being so weak anyway.  

 

Mingyu fit himself seamlessly in between Wonwoo's activities, filling all the empty spaces, so much so, that Wonwoo really didn’t have the time to dwell on accidents and mishaps. Seeing as he was always either on the move or talking to Mingyu, the younger had unknowingly been a huge help to him, his habit of non-stop complimenting accidentally boosting Wonwoo's self-esteem. It appears Wonwoo’s frequent smiles and euphoric reactions _did_ have a justifying origin after all, he just hadn’t connected the dots yet.

 

The younger acted as his anchor, strong and supportive, reaching down to the seabed and stopping his thoughts from drifting into an ocean of self-deprecation. Communicating with him was like finally being under the shade of a lavish tree after hours of walking under the hot sun. Although, he might’ve been blissfully ignorant of the reasons, he could at least recognise that his other friends didn’t make him this happy.

Not in _this_ way, Mingyu was special and Wonwoo was okay with that not having to mean anything, for now at least. The tall baker was just different, he was good to Wonwoo and since he made him smile, he decided the younger also _had_ to be good _for_ him. Still, he didn’t tell the squad about the recent developments, he was barely starting to be more honest with himself, he wasn’t comfortable talking about Mingyu with others yet.

 

 

 

“So... you’ve been quieter than usual lately, we’re all worried.”

Wonwoo’s eyes zoomed back out of his head and the busy cafeteria came into focus. The sounds, smells and sights were all loudly clashing in harmony, it was such a contrast to the calmness of his thoughts, and he took a moment to adjust.

“Wonwoo-yah, Soon said we’re worried, talk to us... pleaaaaaaaase.” Jun’s whining was ten times more annoying than normal whining because of his naturally nasal voice, so Wonwoo wasn’t surprised when Jihoon grimaced and glared at their friend.

 

He cleared his throat, three pairs of eyes focused on him. He avoided the curious gazes, humming as he thought of what to say. Truthfully, he’d cleared his throat to take Jihoon’s attention off Jun, the latter looked terrified, Wonwoo could relate on a spiritual level. But now that he had the attention, he didn’t know what to do with it.

 

“Were you saying something to me?” was his solution to the silence.

He caught Jun nodding in his left periphery even though the question was obviously directed at Soonyoung, who was quietly observing him from across the small table.

The blonde ran his fingers through his hair and leaned back in his chair, “what were you thinking so hard about?”

Wonwoo’s gaze shifted and he chuckled nervously, he couldn’t escape Soonyoung’s good for nothing perceptiveness.

“Haha, is that what it looked like?” He rubbed the back of his neck, grateful for Jun’s abhorrent chewing sound effects, it took some of the attention off of him. Soonyoung’s eyes narrowed, he looked like he was about to make another smartass comment and Wonwoo had nowhere to seek shelter.

His breath hitched, preparing for impact, but instead of hearing Soonyoung’s high pitched voice, he heard a more nasally tone.

“Wonwoo doesn’t think.” Jun supplied unhelpfully, rice grains flying out of his full mouth. Wonwoo coiled back in disgust and Jun hugged his arm all while whining in his ear.

 

“Anyway.” Jihoon’s slightly gravelly low timber cut through the whining, they turned to him and the shortest continued nonchalantly, “did everyone get Jeonghan hyung’s text?” Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrowed, text? What text? These days he only ever looked at Mingyu’s. 

Soonyoung nodded, “About his housewarming party, right?”

 

Ah, that rang bells. It was a few nights ago but he remembered discussing the news of his gaming bestie moving in with his angelic not-husband. It happened over his gaming headset while engaged in combat, so he didn’t blame himself for forgetting already.

“I found out from Seungcheol hyung while we were gaming, actually.” Jihoon raised an eyebrow at him, Wonwoo shrugged. He was still thinking whether he should go or not, memories of the last gathering still occasionally popping up in his nightmares.

Jun started talking in his excited voice, “Can you believe they’re finally making a-” then he cut himself off, Wonwoo assumed he was pausing for suspense, comically watching their reactions as he waited for the right moment to drop the punchline, “move.”

 

“Ha. Ha.” Jihoon droned soullessly, “Terrible pun. Kill yourself.” Jun visibly deflated and Soonyoung cackled at him, heartlessly.

Wonwoo shook his head at the pair opposite him, disappointed. Then he turned to the disheartened boy beside him, Jun really was a child, he needed to be handled with care, “Don’t listen to them. That was a good one, Jun.” They high-fived, while Jihoon gave them the stink eye.

Soonyoung sighed, dramatically leaning on the table, a hand on his chipmunk cheek and a dreamy look on his face. “They’re so in love though.” Wonwoo nodded in agreement, then he asked the question on everyone’s mind,

“So why?... why do they keep denying it?” Soonyoung shrugged, looks like his friend didn’t know the answer either.

Then suddenly, “Who the fuck knows.” Jihoon spat so irritably, you’d think this offended him personally.

“I don’t think it matters. They’ll see it eventually.” All three of them snapped to Jun, that’s the calmest, semi-wisest thing he’d ever said, and they were all rightly shook. The Chinese boy’s expression switched from serious to offended and he rolled his eyes so far back that only the whites were visible. 

Soonyoung laughed too loudly at that and Wonwoo joined in at a more controlled volume, even Jihoon chuckled and when they settled down Soonyoung had a dangerous glint in his eyes. Wonwoo swallowed, that look didn’t mean well.

 

Soonyoung wore a determined mask as he crashed his fist down on the table, “We should bet on them.”

Wonwoo opened his mouth to tell him it was a bad idea, but Jihoon shrugged and said,

“Sure.”

At the same time, Jun clapped like a seal and asked,

“How much?”

So Wonwoo sighed, swallowing his words, they wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

In the end, he was forced to participate against his will, he resorted to showing his protest in the form of crossed arms and judgmental stares. The conversation moved on after that, thankfully away from him and his recent odd behaviour. Before he knew it, it was time for class again and they all went their separate ways.

 

 

 

For Wonwoo, weekdays were a bit of a blur, the saying goes that time flies when you’re having fun, but for Wonwoo time also flew when he was working hard as well. Because before he knew it, the week would be over, it crossed his mind that maybe he worked a bit too hard and didn’t realise he’d been pushing himself until it was over, leaving him feeling sore and beyond exhausted on Friday evenings. But it wasn’t _all_ bad, because there was the tingle of fulfilment from knowing he did his best and the added bonus of actually seeing his struggle pay off. Maybe it was time to boast a bit, he got in a comfortable position on his bed and opened his most active chat.

 

**Guess what?**

 

A cheesy smile stretched his lips taut even before Mingyu replied.

 

**Uh…**

**Angel followed you out again?**

Wonwoo frowned, Akuma, his neighbour’s dog was temporarily living with the granma’s daughter while his owner recovered from a fall in hospital. He felt saddened as he remembered calling the number on the granma’s door after days of not seeing them, only for the daughter to tell him the bad news. He made the executive decision to save Mingyu the sorrow.

 

**Uh… NO**

**And it’s devil***

**Guess again**

**I’m sure you mean angel* hyung**

**And okay…**

**you went grocery shopping??**

 

Wonwoo flipped on his stomach and continued texting with furrowed eyebrows.

 

**How is that anything worth guessing?**

**It wouldn’t be**

**to NORMAL ppl anyway**

**It WOULD be for you though**

**What’s that supposed to mean???**

**Well if you remembered to take money this time**

**Then I’d understand your excitement**

**If your goal is to never talk to me again**

**Then I’d understand why you keep bringing that up**

**That’s not my goal hyung**

**It’s just hard to forget something so special**

**Lmao**

**What’s funny?**

**You.**

 

His chat was interrupted by an incoming text from Jun. He ignored it and watched the three bubbles blink as Mingyu typed, then he got a text. But it was from Jun again so he sighed in defeat and clicked on the message.

 

**u ready to partaaaay!!!!**

 

Was the first one, the second one was an image. Of a lemur wearing pink swimming trunks and holding a cocktail glass, Wonwoo was torn between crying and laughing because it was so _stupid._

 

**LMAO**

**Wtf Jun**

**You laughed**

**Cuz it’s so random**

**What’s up?**

 

A new message from Mingyu came through and he fought the urge to immediately check. _I should deal with Jun first_ , he reasoned.

 

**It’s not random Won**

**Unless...**

**DID YOU FORGET ABOUT JEONGCHEOL’S PARTY**

 

Wonwoo shot up in bed like he’d been electrocuted, feeling like he'd just woken up from a nightmare. The answer to Jun’s question, _yes, he did forget_.

He facepalmed, he couldn’t believe the week really flew by _that_ quickly. It felt like yesterday when he’d been saving Jun from Jihoon at the university cafeteria while also fending off Soonyoung’s perceptive gaze from uncovering his deepest darkest secrets. He groaned, falling back on his slightly damp hair from his earlier shower.

He didn’t see this coming, it threw a real spanner in the works. Wonwoo sighed, not feeling too confident about his ability to avoid it either. He remembered something about Soonyoung picking him up in Seokmin’s car, he wasn’t sure about the logistics of that. Admittedly, he hadn’t been listening properly that day, he didn’t even know where Seungcheol moved to or what time he had to leave.

The thought that he should just pretend to be ill crossed his mind, but his friends most likely wouldn’t fall for it. Plus, he'd looked _way_ too healthy today, making fun of Jihoon’s height and forcing the shorter to chase him around campus with a deathly glare. People looked at them with concern but he was having too much fun to care. 

While he’d been busy accepting his fate, Jun had been busy explaining things to him. He felt stupid.

 

**Jeonghan + Seungcheol**

**= Jeongcheol**

**Get it**

**What time is Soonyoung coming over?**

**How would I know?**

**I’m going with my Hao**

**And maybe some of his friends**

**Hold on**

 

Wonwoo rolled his eyes to the ceiling and let out a controlled yell, trying to dispel the negativity that was brewing inside him. Jun got back to him soon after.

 

**He said in an hour**

**And “HE’D BETTER BE READY”**

**So good luck sweatypie**

 

Maybe Jun meant to misspell that, maybe he didn’t. Wonwoo was upset either way. He ran his fingers through his drying hair strands and checked Mingyu’s earlier messages. He needed to smile.

 

**What’s funny?**

 

**You.**

**Trying to run away with Angel when I found out**

**It was you behind the mask**

**Were you avoiding me cuz you were embarrassed?**

Talk about adding insult to injury, Why was the whole universe out to get him tonight? He regretted reading that, because now he had to reply.

**I’m going to bed**

**I was wondering where you went**

**oh, you tired?**

 

He lied through his teeth and it was a lot harder than he remembered.

 

**Yeah**

**Night, Mingyu**

**Okay, hyung.**

**Sweet dreams.**

 

Then just before he locked the device and threw it under his bed, a string of urgent looking texts came his way. His heart raced thinking the worst.

 

**WAIT**

**YOU HAVEN’T TOLD ME**

**WHAT I WAS GUESSING**

He rolled his eyes. Of course,  _he_ 'd give him a heart attack for the dumbest reasons.

 

**I don’t feel like telling you anymore**

**Aha, I see**

**I get it now**

**What are you on about?**

**Hyung, you’re not actually tired…**

**You’re mad**

 

_Close._ He was actually upset and annoyed, so Mingyu wasn’t far off. How he managed to get _so_ close through texting alone, was a bit alarming though.

 

**You’re wrong**

 

Wonwoo's expression was deadpan, much like his expression, he also felt dead inside. Until he read the following.

 

**So I’m allowed to talk about how cute you were that night**

**Trying to convince me I had the wrong guy with your sparkly eyes**

He choked on air, his eyes watered and he dry coughed painfully. _Why couldn’t he let him live that embarrassing encounter down?_

 

**Actually, you’re NEVER allowed to talk about that**

**My eyes aren’t even sparkly**

**They’re dry af**

 

**Sure**

 

He sensed Mingyu’s sarcasm, he didn’t appreciate it.

 

**Mingyu, stop that**

**What am I doing?**

 

There was a taunt in the words, Mingyu was daring him to play. Wonwoo normally liked games, but he wasn't in the mood.

 

**I’ll really go if you don’t start behaving**

**What am I?**

**Your kid?**

**Do I call you daddy now?**

_What?!?!?_

His brain aborted his entire life, he was left staring until his screen powered off. _Call me what?_

Slowly his brain came back to life, cell by cell, some of them tragically never returned. When he unlocked it again, there was a lot more messages that he hadn’t seen yet.

                                       

**Great**

**You’re ignoring me again**

**It’s been a while since you did that**

**Hyung?**

**Wonwoo hyung??**

**I’m sorry**

**Come back**

**Please?**

**Daddy?**

**Daddy, come back**

**I need you**

 

He flinched when he read that word the second time, but by the third, the shock wore off. But his cheeks were still strangely burning up.

 

**Istg if you type that one more time**

**I’ll kill you**

**Yaaaay, you’re back**

**type what?**

**oh, daddy??**

**Sorry**

 

He placed his cool palm on his cheeks, but the temperature kept rising. Maybe he _was_ falling ill, he wouldn’t have to lie to his friends. Speaking of which, Soonyoung would be over in under 45 minutes and Wonwoo was still in bed, feeling sorry for himself. He had to get up soon, but first.

 

**Right**

**You just gave me permission to kill you**

**Sorry**

**it's a habit**

**How is it a habit when you only started saying it**

**like 5 mins ago**

**I dunno**

**I guess my habits develop quickly?**

**Anyway, what was I guessing earlier?**

**Tell meeeeeeeee**

Ah, he’d forgotten about that. His initial intentions and excitement of boasting were lost now, bitterness is all he had left.

 

**It’s nothing**

**I’m sorry for making fun of you hyung**

**I’ll try not to call you cute anymore**

**And daddy**

**I promise**

**So please stop being mad and tell me**

**Lol Mingyu I’m not mad**

**I just realised it’s not important**

**That’s all**

 

He scrunched up his face as he re-read the texts. Mingyu's endearing side was cute, maybe he’ll tell him.

 

**If you really wanna know...**

**I do**

**Geez okay**

**I got 99 points on my test today**

**Hold on**

Mingyu barely gave him a second to process the earlier text when the next one arrived.

 

**While I go bake you a cake in celebration and write**

**CONFUCKINGRADULATIONS WONYUUU in pink and white icing**

**Cuz you definitely deserve it hyung**

**WELL done, why am I so proud? I think I'm crying**

His nose itched, he scrunched it up. That was too sweet, should he be worried about diabetes?

 

**Lol, you’re an idiot**

**Why wonyuuu?**

**He’s a lot cuter than Wonwoo**

**Ouch**

**Jealous?**

 

_Of myself?_ He wanted to ask. Surprised, that he wasn’t surprised. Mingyu called him cute and he just carried on with his life. His quick immunity was a testament to how often Mingyu complimented him, cute being his favourite word of choice.

 

**Never**

**Wonyuuu isn’t even real**

**Then explain how I’m texting him right now?**

**Operation try to make sense Mingyu: failed**

**Operation try to not be cute Wonwoo: failed**

**What happened to your promise?**

**I thought you weren’t calling me cute anymore**

**It’s your fault, I can’t stop calling you what you ARE**

**Cute**

**At least I haven’t called you daddy yet**

 

Now _this,_ was a word he wasn’t immune to yet. _Yet?? No_. No yets, that made it sound like he wanted Mingyu to keep calling him that. He _didn’t._

 

**Where is that even coming from?**

**It’s a habit hyung**

**Please don’t make that a thing**

He was actually concerned.

**Idk what you mean**

 

Wonwoo was in the middle of rolling his eyes when his circling pupils met the numbers at the top of his screen. _Shit_ , he thought. Soonyoung was due in 15 minutes and Wonwoo was, well, he was clearly _still_ in bed feeling sorry for himself.

 

**I have to go**

He stood up with a fake cry and walked to his wardrobe, phone in hand.

 

**HYUNG NOOOOOOOOO**

**SORRY I WON’T MAKE IT A THING**

**DON’T LEAVE ME**

**No, seriously**

**I’m going to a party**

 

**lol**

**I think you have a typo**

**It says you’re going to a PARTY**

**Lmao**

 

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, he took real offence to the younger’s comment.

 

**FUCK YOU**

**I DO have friends you know**

**I sometimes go out too**

 

He focused back on the hangers full of shirts, his eyes immediately drawn to the darker ones. Black, coal-coloured, inky raven with imperceptibly thin white lines. So much choice, not enough time. He took a break and checked Mingyu’s messages.

 

**well**

**colour me shOOk**

**But good for you hyung**

**Have fun, don’t drink too much**

**Don’t stay out too late either**

**Take care Won**

**You sound like my mum**

 

Wonwoo sent it without much thought, he was busy choosing a shirt after all. A dusky ebony shirt caught his eye, it was covered in a pattern of little red lips and was at least three sizes too big. He’d never wear that _normally_ , he’d also never attend parties _normally_. So he had two abnormal things and decided to combine them. He laid the shirt on his bed and went back to the wardrobe to find trousers. Checking Mingyu’s messages as he walked, he nearly tripped and wished he hadn’t.

 

**oh really?**

**Call me mummy then**

**Uhm… wtf??**

 

Sometimes Wonwoo thought Mingyu was even worse than Jun and that was an alarming conclusion. He made a mental note to make sure the two never meet.

 

**Idek**

***SIGH***

 

Wonwoo stared at the blatant attention-seeking tactic. Mingyu’s way of showing he didn’t want him to leave. The thought was sweet but the choice wasn’t in Wonwoo’s hands, unfortunately.

 

**Whats wrong?**

 

**I was perfectly happy with my plan of texting you till I fell asleep**

**like an antisocial rock**

**That last part wasn’t necessary**

 

**Sorry the truth comes out when I’m sad**

Wonwoo blindly grabbed at another shirt as he scoffed at Mingyu’s reply. He threw the shirt on his bed and decided to indulge him, even though he didn’t have the time.

 

**And you’re sad because?**

 

**Well because my plan won’t work anymore**

**Apparently Wonwoo hyung has friends AND goes parties**

**So now I have to find something else to do**

**That’s why I’m sad**

 

Wonwoo sighed, then he decided to put an end to this, or he’ll never be ready in time.

 

**What YOU are…**

**Is dramatic**

**Get a life**

**And good night, in case I forget to text later**

**Bye**

 

The message was followed by a crying emoji, Wonwoo was a bit disappointed by the short farewell, it lacked the flavour he was used to from Mingyu. If he had more time he’d ask for some seasoning, but he had a party to get dressed for, so he settled for the blandness.

_Finally_ , he switched off the phone and threw it under his bed, like he'd planned to do an hour ago, then he finally focused on getting ready.

 

 

Mingyu and he were friends, he could _say_ that now, he also liked him a lot, _platonically,_ of course. There was a certain fondness that flooded his system whenever Mingyu was involved, almost always entailing a smile and a tangible excitement. But Mingyu wasn’t all he showed, there was more to him than the sunny persona and addictive qualities. Previously, Wonwoo thought the tall goof was an open book, easily readable, heart on sleeve with a healthy hint of stupidity but that was when he _thought_ he knew him.

Now he knew that he’d just only started that process, he was also starting to realise how wrong his first impressions had been. If anything, he learned that Mingyu was an enigma, because Wonwoo was smart but even _he_ couldn’t understand him. Every time they talked, he learned a new fact about the younger, discovered a new previously unknown side. For analogy sake, he’d compare Mingyu to an onion, it tasted bad and made him cry.

 

He paused in his search for pants to go with his oversized patterned shirt. Then he frowned, because that analogy seemed off, he passively grabbed a pair of leather pants and mentally set out to correct the offending analogy. What he’d meant to say was that Mingyu had many charms and his outward words and actions had much deeper meanings, similar to how onions had several layers. You’d peel one off thinking you reached the end, that there was nothing left to uncover, but then you’re met with a _whole_ new layer.

Especially because Wonwoo rarely asked any questions, he was so sure there was nothing worth asking, so he stopped being curious. Turns out, he’s been lying to himself, so now he’s gotten curious again but he’s also too scared to ask. He was still searching as to why? Maybe it was in case he heard something so jarring he could never talk to Mingyu again, he couldn’t have that. He needed Mingyu.

 

Sometimes Wonwoo got answers to some of his questions even though he never asked. He had a lot of dumb moments because of them too. Moments when he’d be forced to stop and do a double take. Like the time Mingyu casually told him he was an art student at university.

 

**I’m surprised you didn’t know hyung**

 

**You never told me**

**I thought the bakery was your full time job**

**It’s not**

**Baking is just something I enjoy**

**I think of art and bakery as a similar sort of thing anyway**

**It’s basically art on an edible canvas**

**Delicious and pretty**

Wonwoo can no longer eat a cupcake without the guilt eating back at him. He can’t help hearing Mingyu’s voice in his head, reminding him that he was destroying someone’s artwork. But that was far from the top revelation when it came to Mingyu. Some left a stronger lasting impression, this next one started off normally, nothing eluded to the sheer panic lurking in wait.

 

**Middle school was just bad for everyone tbh**

 

**Lol yeah**

**Shit**

 

**What**

 

**I dropped my son**

**Lemme apologise and put him back**

**Sorry**

**your what???**

 

**My son, bongbongie**

**I made him**

**He’s my pride and joy**

**I can’t wait till you meet him**

Wonwoo went into shock for a while, then Mingyu sent a picture of himself with his “son”. Wonwoo’s shock converted into confusion, he could only see Mingyu holding a stuffed doll with a diamond tiara. For the sake of his sanity he switched the phone off and slept on it. That was a few days ago and he still felt sensitive about the whole subject.

 

So _yes_ , he _did_ compare Mingyu to an onion, but not in a rude way. The only real contradiction was the fact that he hated onions, he didn’t hate Mingyu anymore though.

These days, he felt another emotion for him, it was strong too, much like hatred, but every time he tried to put a name on it, his mind would blank and he’d feel dizzy.

Wonwoo couldn’t say the information he’d gathered about Mingyu thus far, was unexpected, but that was because he _had_ no expectations. 

In hindsight, he should’ve had _some_ expectations. At least asked the basic questions, maybe if he didn’t start their friendship with the intention of ignoring him then he’d know things. Things like his favourite colour, who he hung out with, if he had connections to human trafficking and his dating history, so the essential things. But they’d gotten off on the wrong foot and now he felt weird dropping him a text like "how old are you?" when they’d known each other for almost a year.

 

Apparently, as he’d come to discover, not asking questions would be a fatal flaw.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are some sad parts in this chapter, I don't know if it's triggering but just a heads up.
> 
> DISCLAIMER: Don't take things too seriously, please. Just because a character feels a certain way in my story doesn't mean they feel it in real life. I don't know them personally so this is all made up. I'm saying this because I don't want anyone to get offended and if you do, then I'm sorry :)

The clandestine couple’s new house was an hour’s journey from his own, which is why they arranged to carpool. Or rather, Soonyoung did all the arranging. Wonwoo just complained about not wanting to go and those complaints clearly fell on deaf ears because here he was, dressed and ready to go.

Soonyoung and Seokmin came to pick him up in the younger’s car, once inside he was introduced to Seokmin’s younger brother, Chan. A friendly looking young man with a smile to rival his brother’s inhumane levels of radiance, he figured it was hereditary and attempted his best smile in return. Which actually came _much_ easier than he initially thought, guess he had all the recent practise to thank for that.

They arrived at Seungcheol’s new place 1.5 hours behind schedule, due to what Wonwoo dubbed, _“a direct result of the compounding of various unforeseen circumstances”._

Their initial departure was delayed by approximately 10 minutes while Soonyoung and Wonwoo turned the latter’s apartment inside out, in the search for his phone. It was only after the seventh time of checking the fridge that he remembered throwing the device under his bed.

 

“Oh my god. You found it.”

Wonwoo nodded, expression sheepish as he avoided his best friend’s happy gaze.

Soonyoung hopped excitedly, “Where’d you find it?”

He laughed nervously in answer, his friend narrowed his eyes and Wonwoo dragged him outside before he could be told off. “We’re late, let’s stop wasting even more time.”

Soonyoung huffed but followed him to the car anyway.

 

The second “ _unforeseen circumstance_ ” was a random cafe they came across, after picking Jihoon up from his studio. The tiny coffee addict demanded his favourite black beverage and Chan salivated over this new dessert that was supposedly all the rage these days. Wonwoo thankfully didn’t see any saliva but he heard it in the younger’s voice and that was just as disgusting. Seokmin relented after the combined effort of the shortest two occupants in the car and his brother was off with a list of things to buy.

Wonwoo leaned his head against the window, listening to the hum of conversation in the car and watching the pretty colours in the early evening sky, he didn’t even notice the passage of time. So, when Chan returned almost half an hour later with bags of treats and drinks, he was surprised to know how much time had actually passed.

“ _Unforeseen circumstance_ ” number 3 was the traffic jam, they often got bad in Seoul, but it was still a bit extreme since it wasn’t rush hour, even the sunshiny driver was slowly getting agitated. By this point, Soonyoung had already answered two calls from Seungcheol asking where they were and Jihoon was fast asleep, nursing a tall black Americano.

 _Yuck_ , he judged mentally, side eyeing him with distaste. Then he went back to ignoring everyone else and simply sipping his caffeine-free, Strawberry-Crème-Frappuccino while nibbling on his raspberry almond twist, the pastry so light and fluffy it crumbled all over his black shirt. _How satisfying_.

 

That satisfaction was short lived because soon enough, they were standing in front of a sour faced seungcheol and forced to endure a lecture on how one should back their squad members.

Wonwoo turned his head to the side so he could discreetly roll his eyes, _leave it to the oldest to make such a fuss over something as simple as being late to a party._ While he was being subtly disrespectful, Jeonghan came to drag his new housemate away, effectively recuing them. But not before imparting some advice, “Enjoy the party boys, don’t act like strangers.”

 

 

 

 

It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes but Wonwoo was already lost and lonely. The moment they entered, Wonwoo was captivated by the grand décor of the main foyer, meanwhile, Soonyoung followed the vibrations to find the booming base and Jihoon was immediately surrounded by many admirers and possibly a few friends. The brothers also disappeared, but he wasn’t _too_ concerned, he didn’t know them well enough to feel betrayed.

Wonwoo looked around, but when he failed to recognise a single face, he decided to M.I.A.

His hyung’s “new house” was more like a mansion, Jeonghan’s parents were loaded and generous with their money, was the explanation he’d overheard while he drifted from room to room.

 _Maybe I can stop worrying about paying him back and just eat,_ he thought idly, coming across a seventh bedroom. The room wasn’t as decorated as some of the others, it was sparely furnished, solid neutral colours throughout, but done in a tasteful and modern manner. The bed sheets and pillow cases were crispy white and in Wonwoo’s tired state they resembled fluffy clouds, he couldn’t quite manage to stop himself from testing that theory.

A sigh of pure bliss escaped his parted lips as he melted into the softness. His limbs stretched out in the shape of a starfish, being on it he could confirm the fluffiness. In a momentary lapse of rational thought, he began seriously pondering the nature of this fluffiness, because it felt more like a sweet marshmallow rather than an elusive cloud. What was the truth?

 

“Hey you” a voice called from the open doorway and he was grateful this stranger couldn’t hear his thoughts. He sat up slowly and frowned at the short _anpanman_ lookalike with the blonde hair, “Cheonsa-Nim is ready to give a speech, he wants everyone by the pool.” The pure sass in the boy’s voice made Wonwoo feel attacked but he also kind of found it entertaining, he didn’t know many guys his age who spoke with an eye roll and a hand on their hip.

When nothing else was said and the staring got too much he decided to nod, then the other left with an exaggerated huff of air and a strut to his steps, Wonwoo laid back down and closed his eyes. He didn’t know a _Cheonsa-nim_ , therefore that particular message didn’t concern him.

 

Or _did_ it?

 

Wonwoo was smart, so it only took him ten minutes of laying down on marshmallow beds to figure out _Cheonsa-nim_ was _Jeonghan_. And then only a further ten minutes to navigate the maze of rooms into the pool area, which was apparently outside, no one told him that.

 

He heard the voices before he saw anything, first a loud laugh, so loud in fact, it sounded amplified, _definitely Seungcheol’s_ , he thought. Then he heard another voice, one he was used to hearing at a much lower volume, _definitely_ amplified, he came out to the sight of Jeonghan speaking into a microphone while dozens of men and women gave him their full focus.

He quickly scanned the vicinity for familiar faces, but the terrible lighting coupled with his below average eyesight, meant that he gave up very quickly. The only thing he knew for certain was that there was a _lot_ of people here tonight. Wonwoo was clearly late and stood loitering alone at the back while Jeonghan began concluding his “speech”.

It was the usual, thanking guests for coming, telling them to enjoy, shooting heart eyes at his blushing housemate, Wonwoo had to fight the urge to roll his eyes, _when will they see?_

So, it was _very_ normal, until he heard his name.

“Is that Wonwoo at the back?”

Dozens of heads turned to him at Jeonghan’s question. Wonwoo had a dumb moment and looked behind himself to see what everyone was looking at, the words not registering properly until he could already hear people snickering at him or murmuring in confusion. Suddenly feeling bashful, he lowered his head to stare at his shoes, _long feet,_ he thought.

“Anyway, enjoy yourselves and remember to tag me in all the pictures.” A chorus of happy shouts ensued, then just as he thought it was over, Jeonghan’s voice came back one last time, “Wonwoo, come to the front please.”

He felt eyes on him again, like a child getting told off by his mum in front of his friends. He’d done nothing wrong, well, aside from making it painfully obvious that he was a noob when it came to social events and radiating unmistakable loner vibes. But was that something to feel shame over, _no? Maybe?_ Still, he couldn’t shake the embarrassment. 

Slowly he began to walk, people creating a walkway just for him, he felt like making a Moses and Red Sea reference, he didn’t. But the thought was enough to make him smile, Jeonghan wrapped an arm around his shoulders and introduced him to everyone.

“Guys, this is Wonwoo, one of Seungcheol’s best friends.” People _oo-ed_ and _ah-ed_ but Wonwoo felt like it was out of loyalty to Jeonghan rather than their genuine interest in him.

“He might look cold and unapproachable but he’s the cutest bean ever, super soft, so don’t be intimated... Wonwoo-yah make a lot of friends, okay?”

The last part was thankfully not said into the microphone, but that didn’t feel any less mortifying. He nodded, hiding his burning cheeks, he knew Jeonghan’s intentions were pure, a social butterfly like himself could struggle to grasp the concept of being introverted. That was _understandable_ , but he couldn’t have chosen a more humiliating way to show his support and concern.

 

It was safe to say, he’d _lied_ to Jeonghan.

Wonwoo wasn’t in the business of making friends and was more concerned in giving those interested the slip. Since that spectacle at the pool he’d managed to lose himself in the dancing crowds. Escaping to an empty closet in one of the sparsely decorated bedrooms.

The closet was dark, but it was surprisingly spacious, he didn’t feel trapped or humid, in fact he felt freer and the air seemed normal. Most of the heat has melted off his cheeks by now and he sighed in relief.

He was either really content or conversely riled up, he wasn’t sure. Another point of uncertainty was the coolness he felt against his flat bottom, _was the floor wet?_ _Was it_ _just cold? Or did his bladder fail?_

All options were on the table until he retrieved his phone from his front pocket, using the flash to check. Turns out the coolness was from the tight leather he wore making contact with the unheated closet floor, nothing novel, everyone knew leather worked that way. He moved on from that fairly quickly and focused on his phone, the small black device filled with games and contacts could actually save lives.

Except, he didn’t feel like playing anything right now and all his friends were at this darned party too. His thumb hovered over his chat with goof, but Mingyu was probably asleep by now too.

 

He exhaled heavily, sometimes he hated his social anxiety, he covered it so well usually, people _actually_ thought he was naturally confident like that. They didn’t know how hard he worked behind the scenes, and the endless mental pep talks he’d give himself in preparation.

This time he didn’t get the chance to prepare, Jeonghan just threw him into the deep end, at a time when Wonwoo felt like he was barely getting the hang of staying afloat, but his friend didn’t know about his problems.

This was _his_ own fault. Running away from the crowds, scared of their eyes and thoughts, hiding in a closet, they were all choices _he_ made.

Groaning, he couldn’t stop the thoughts from taking hits at him, making him feel smaller and more pathetic as time went on. _Why couldn’t he just stay, smile and say a few words?_ _It wasn’t that hard, why did he have to run away and make a fool of himself?_

He felt like such a disappointment. It crossed his mind that he was probably the only grown man hiding in a closet while everyone else enjoyed themselves downstairs. The corners of his eyes started to sting, and he sniffled, wondering where all the moisture currently blurring his vision came from.

 

Suddenly, he heard a _ping_ , notifying him of a new message.

He looked down after wiping the wetness away from his face with his sleeves.

Then his eyes widened and even his nostrils flared out in shock, _that_ ’s how surprised he was.

 

**Hey hyung**

**Hi**

 

He blinked at his own reply, the light from his phone the only thing illuminating the dark. His back was straighter and the tightness in his chest was already looser, he didn’t notice though.

 

**You answered surprisingly fast**

 

 _So did you_ , he wanted to type back. But found a better excuse.

 

**I’m a bit bored**

 

Which wasn’t even a lie, even though his boredom was self-imposed. Mingyu’s reply put a smile on his face, and it warmed his entire being. Like being wrapped up in a warm loving hug after a nightmare, like feeling safe for the first time.

 

**You should’ve texted me then**

**I’m tons of fun**

**I thought you might be sleeping**

**Aww that’s sweet of you**

**I actually took your advice and got a life**

**I’m currently at a party**

**Is it boring like mine?**

**Lol**

**Nah, it’s fun**

**I met loads of new people**

**This drunk blonde challenged me to a dance battle**

**I still lost even though I’m sober**

Wonwoo chuckled at the mental image, Mingyu sounded like he was having a good night, not that it surprised him. The younger boy had a way of becoming the centre of everyone’s solar system, the focal point, pulling them in orbit around him as his sunny personality shone brightly. It put people at ease, put a smile on their face, he just had that influence. Wonwoo loved that about him, his ability to impart happiness wherever he went, he couldn’t blame others for loving it too.

 

**Sounds like fun**

**It is**

**I wish you were here tho**

His breath caught in his throat, something moved almost uncomfortably in his chest. A voice in his head warned him it was a _lie,_ but he wanted to believe Mingyu’s words. 

 

**I’d probably drain all the fun**

**I’m boring**

 

His earlier self-deprecating thoughts had managed to seep into his text and all he could do was watch.

Mingyu took a while to reply this time, maybe he was thinking it through or laughing with his many friends about Wonwoo’s weaknesses.

His phone pinged four times consecutively and he swallowed the discomfort before reading them. Then his heart stopped.

 

**Don’t say that**

**You’re so funny and cute hyung**

**Everyone at this party would value having you around**

He was only aware of how fast his heart started beating after he read over the messages for the third time. He felt high, like he was being lifted a million feet into the sky, his soul floating freely among the stars. The sudden elation was just as strange as it was abrupt, Wonwoo didn’t know what to do with himself and these feelings. He only realised how rude his words could come across after the message was sent, Wonwoo grimaced.

 

**Why’re you texting me if you’re having so much fun**

**Apparently there’s a Wonwoo at this party**

**everyone’s talking about him**

**It reminded me of you so**

**here I am**

Now _this_ was interesting. Wonwoo had never heard of another Wonwoo, let alone one that was apparently so close. He believed his parents when they told him they’d made up his name when he was born, so this was a grand coincidence.

He wondered what this other Wonwoo was like, was he a selective introvert like him? Were his shoulders uselessly wide too? Did he have a lot of friends and live a happy life? _Somehow_ , he wasn’t convinced. 

 

**Lol, I bet he’s a freak**

**That’s so mean**

**I overheard that he’s handsome and tall so you’re wrong btw**

He leaned his back against the cool wall, feeling a sudden rush of intensity scaling his insides, he unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, but it wasn’t any easier to breathe.

 

**What else did you hear about the other Wonwoo?**

Something hot and acidic was burning up within him, travelling to his head and stinging so bad, he flinched back from the pain. As much as he hated feeling this way, he had to admit that it wasn’t the first time.

Most recently, it’d happened the night Mingyu saved Akuma and he noticed how close they’d instantly become. The scorching fire that unexpectedly rose within him and made him bitter, shocked him to his core. He didn’t know what it was back then, but he knew now.

He’d been jealous of Mingyu that night, wanted Akuma to be closer to him rather than the goof. At least that’s what he _told_ himself.

He couldn’t deny it stopped making sense the second he felt the fire burning again, this time with no fluffy devil to take the blame.

The feeling was jealousy though, he didn’t need to be a psychiatrist to figure that much. But _maybe_ he needed one to help him admit the true cause of it.

 

**I didn’t hear much**

**Just that he disappeared**

**Apparently the host personally introduced him**

**Said he was some kind of bean?**

**But suddenly he vanished**

**Seungkwan says he’s rude and glared at everyone**

**He also says he’s sexy so**

**I’m a bit confused**

**Haven’t seen him though**

**I’ll let you know if I do**

**Hyung?**

**Wonwoo hyung, you’re reading so why aren’t you saying anything**

People said Jealousy was blinding, Wonwoo related to that so well in this moment. It was like a semi-opaque film was placed over the part of his brain responsible for rational thought. Like a thick low fog obstructing his vision, refusing to budge from its position. He closed his eyes and placed his head on his knees, the abandoned phone tumbling to the ground by his feet.

 

Wonwoo wasn’t jealous _of_ Mingyu. No, not in the slightest. Wonwoo was jealous of _Wonwoo_. Not himself, but this new sexy handsome one that Mingyu was talking about.

 _Now_ it made sense why he was so intrigued by this other Wonwoo. Why he wanted to know what he was like, if he had friends? If he had problems? If he was more like him? Or if he was better. That was a scary idea, because truthfully, he was worried the other Wonwoo was better than him, that he was perfect and fun. But what terrified him the most wasn’t his own thoughts on him, but Mingyu’s. _What if Mingyu likes him more than me?_

The thought of Mingyu replacing him with the other Wonwoo was apparently the trigger which led to his current state.

 

At some point he began rocking in place, focusing on his breathing and trying to clear his head. The pinging of his phone never stopped while he’d been battling himself and he finally picked the phone back up. 

 

**Sorry**

**Got distracted**

 

Then he racked his brain for a follow up, he had to contribute to keep the conversation going. He certainly couldn’t risk Mingyu getting bored with him, then he might think about the other Wonwoo, he wouldn’t have that. He furrowed his eyebrows after rereading the messages.

 

**Who’s Seungkwan?**

**Some diva that goes to my uni**

**I’m good friends with his boyfriend**

 

Wonwoo relaxed, but he’d just caught himself ready to get jealous again. This wasn’t good, _what the hell was wrong with him? Why was he so insecure?_

Mingyu wasn’t even _his_ , he rubbed at his eyes, nothing made sense to him right now.

He stared at Mingyu’s replies, time was ticking but he didn’t have anything to say. All he wanted was to be on his cheap mattress chasing sleep, the only thing that could offer respite from his misery and rescue him from his own brain. To reset everything and allow him to start over with a fresh page, instead, he found himself rereading Mingyu’s texts again, the ones about Wonwoo.

He was about to start comparing himself again when some things which went unnoticed _before_ started to leap out at him. Now he was _really_ comparing himself to the other Wonwoo and the results were alarming, until he realised a coincidence like this was most likely _impossible_. This left him with only _one_ other line of inquiry, he followed the evidence.

 

**This party you’re at...**

**Where is it?**

**A house?**

**You don’t know where you are?**

**No**

**It IS a house**

**I’m just not sure why you’re asking**

**Just wondering**

**So who’s the owner of the house?**

**Hmm**

**All I know is that he’s a friend of a friend**

**I tagged along last minute cuz SOMEone decided to ditch me**

**Whoever ditched you must be heartless**

**Anyway**

**Tell me about the house...**

**Is it big?**

**... hyung? lol**

**And yes, for the location**

**Which is where?**

**Somewhere in Gangnam**

**I’m not sure**

**But it has a pool and everything**

**Is there a second floor?**

With every question he put out the anxiety mounted and with every answer he received the excitement spiked. He was experiencing a seesaw of emotions and it didn’t feel too good, _is this what they called motion sickness?_ His next answer came in and he had no time to ponder.

 

**I think so, I haven’t been inside much**

**Just look up and check**

**Doofus**

**Yeah, it does have a second floor**

**Why’re you asking all these questions anyway?**

**You like big houses?**

**Should I send you pictures?**

**No**

**O**

**K**

**...**

 

Wonwoo knew, he already knew. There was no other explanation, it _had_ to be true. He tried to steady his spiking heartbeat, his palms were a little sweaty and he wiped them on his shirt. There was only one question on his mind, and only his own answer would count. _Do I invite him into my closet? **Yes** or **no**._

He swallowed thickly, _you only live once right?_ When will he ever get the chance to invite anyone into a dark closet in someone else’s house? Mathematically speaking, the answer was _never_. Wonwoo grew a pair of metaphorical balls and pressed send on the invite.

 

**Go to the second floor**

**Then check the third door on your right**

**Lol**

**What?**

**Just do it please**

Wonwoo understood Mingyu’s confusion, he’d be confused too, scared even. That didn’t mean he wasn’t getting frustrated when the younger kept questioning him.

 

**Why?**

**How do you know the third door on the right exists anyway?**

**Just stop asking questions and go there already**

**This is so weird**

**I’m on my way**

**Walking and texting**

**It’s called multitasking, heard of it?**

**Shut up**

**You’re being extra mean**

**Is something wrong**

As he prepared to answer Mingyu’s question, his ears picked up a sound and his head whirled around, towards the direction that he knew the door was.

He heard a click, then slight creaking as it swung open. Blood rushed in his ears, he felt like the main character in a horror film, except he’s personally invited the villain to his safe place. His fingers shook as he typed out to Mingyu.

 

**Close the door**

 He heard a _ping_ from the other side of the closet and quickly put his phone on silent at the last minute. Mingyu texted back, he remembered to breathe.

**What?**

**How the fuck do you know it’s open?**

 Once he got past the fear and anxiety, he had to admit it was also kind of funny. _What are the odds right?_ Here he was hiding from people and losing his mind, only for Mingyu to save him from his thoughts and then _literally_ come through to his hiding space. He had no doubt that this incident would provide much laughter in the future.

 

**Just close the door gyu**

 Just as he sent the message and heard a ping from the outside, light suddenly flooded the room, seeping in through the cracks in the closet and under the doors. He rolled his eyes, the last thing he needed was for the party to know where he was.

 

**Don’t turn the light on you idiot**

**Switch it off**

 

_Ping. Ping._

 

He heard a gasp and a loud clatter, someone swore in a hushed voice and the last of Wonwoo’s fear and anxiety melted away with the sound of it.

 

**Did you drop your phone just now?**

 

_Ping._

 

“What the fuck?” The voice was a lot clearer now, raspy, sweet and unmistakably him. He heard some shuffling, the door closed and for a moment Wonwoo thought Mingyu got too spooked and left. But he didn’t, instead he switched the light off and the room was back to being dark again, Wonwoo’s happiness was resorted.

He fought the urge to laugh at the other’s expense, Mingyu was probably scared and it was hilarious.

 

**Wonwoo this is creepy**

**You shouldn’t know I switched anything on**

**How are you doing this?**

 

He watched his screen as the texts rolled in, then he decided to end the game. Wiping a happy tear from his eye, it was fun while it lasted.

 

**I’m in the closet**

**That’s nice hyung**

**But I already knew you were gay**

Okay, _rude_? But _also,_ true. Wonwoo frowned, not realising his message could also have this interpretation.

 

**NO!!**

**That’s not what I mean**

**I’m IN the actual closet**

**Get inside**

**Uhm Okay...**

It was eerily silent for a while and Wonwoo had half a mind to go out there and check on him, then he got another text.

 

**But I can’t see**

He rolled his eyes, but he was relieved nothing bad happened.

 

**Use the flash on your phone**

Suddenly there was light bleeding under the door and into his space, it would’ve scared him if he hadn’t expected it. Then the doors flew open and the blinding light source terrorised his eyes.

He flinched, “Ahh... are you trying to fucking blind me?” He made sure to keep his volume down while he allowed his eyes to recover.

“Holy shit” he heard the younger swearing, “you gave me a fright.”

When Wonwoo looked up again, he was met with Mingyu holding a hand to his heart and looking stressed. The flash illuminated his face in the dark and Wonwoo tried not to laugh at the genuine fear in the younger’s eyes.

“Get in and close the door.” He whispered instead of laughing and watched a bewildered Mingyu hit his hand on the door as he tried to close it.

Once he switched the flash off and settled in beside him, he asked, “Okay. But what are you doing in a closet, hyung?”

 

The answer came out easier than he anticipated, surprising himself, “Hiding, duhh”

There was a moment of silence, Wonwoo could feel the gears turning in Mingyu’s brain, he followed their movement until they stopped. “Oh...” the younger breathed, Wonwoo nodded, even though he couldn’t be seen.

“Ohhhh... of course,” Mingyu continued to say, sounding excited and shocked as he figured it out.

 “There _is_ no other Wonwoo… They were talking about _you_.” The excitement in his tone made Wonwoo want to pet his hair, and he’s never been so glad for the darkness. “I feel stupid now.” 

 Wonwoo shook his head, “No, I almost believed it too.” He confessed quietly.

 “Nah, I had a feeling something was off. There can’t be two tall handsome sexy antisocial glaring young men called Wonwoo in the same city, it’s impossible, ask physics.”

 Wonwoo’s face burned up, he picked the least troublesome point to elaborate on.

 “physics?”

 “Yeah, it’s a scientific impossibility.” A pause followed then a clearly exaggerated dreamy sigh, “You’re one of a kind hyung.”

Wonwoo scoffed, _that was stupid, so why was he still blushing?_ “Thanks”

 

Suddenly he felt a hand feeling up his arm in the dark, he remained silent, trying to figure out what was happening without asking questions. The hand reached the junction where his shoulder meets his neck and in the next instant a heavy weight settled there, warm and comforting. Slightly ticklish too.

“Are you drunk?” Wonwoo moved the hairs that were tickling his nape, but he was surprised by their softness and instead of stopping, he continued to play with the longish silky strands.

Mingyu hummed in content, “just had a beer” the younger snuggled up to him and Wonwoo had a mental breakdown when he felt his breaths hitting too close to his cheek. His hand froze in Mingyu’s hair and he moved it to stop his other hand from shaking so much. Thankfully, Mingyu hadn’t noticed any of that yet.

 

“Hyung?”

Wonwoo hummed, Mingyu continued. “I know you said you sometimes go out but... do you actually _enjoy_ it?”

“Why would I go if I didn’t? That’s such a dumb question.” He was aware how defensive he sounded, like he had something to shield. In hindsight, that probably made Mingyu more suspicious.

“Hyung...” he paused, and if voices had eyes, then Mingyu’s voice would be rolling its eyes. “You’re hiding in a closet, that’s more like fear than enjoyment. Are you scared of something?”

He fidgeted uncomfortably, he didn’t like how close to the truth Mingyu was treading, “I’m not a toddler Mingyu, why would I be scared?” Contrary to his statement, his voice grew audibly shakier, betraying his wishes of keeping his secrets _secret_.

 

“Aww, it’s okay...” it took him a second too long to realise he was being patted gently on his back, an involuntary sniffle tumbled out of his parted lips. Mingyu was doing his best to comfort him despite not knowing the cause of Wonwoo’s unusual behaviour. He couldn’t blame him for not knowing, Wonwoo deliberately only showed his good qualities to others, this side of him wasn’t supposed to surface here, not now, not in Mingyu’s presence.

Wonwoo bit his bottom lip and slouched further, _I’m fine. I’m okay. I won’t break down in front of him._ The words offered little comfort, especially when he was convinced it was already too late.

Mingyu had his suspicions and they were uncomfortably close to the truth, denying it would just unnecessarily complicate things. He couldn’t bear the thought of that happening, he needed Mingyu’s bright energy in his life, the last thing he wanted was to jeopardise that.

Despite being so sure about the previous point, he still had no idea how to talk about it. He didn’t want to end up hating himself more than he already did or even worse, he didn’t want to chase the younger away.

 

He often joked about his dislike of social events and his preference to stay indoors. But he’d never seriously spoken to anyone about the reasons, which led everyone to believe it was a choice. No one knew the negative effects it had on him, they didn’t know how much he hated feeling like this.

 

Tears blurred his vision, his throat felt stuffy and his head weighed down on him. He sniffled again, louder than before, it seems that the harder he fought for control the quicker he lost it.

 

The weight on his shoulder suddenly lifted, artificial white light gave him back the ability of sight and when he saw the younger’s expression, he wished to be blind. “Hyung...”

The handsome features on the taller man’s face were contorted in concern, he looked alarmed and worried. Eyes full of undecipherable emotion and expression oddly open yet unreadable. Wonwoo couldn’t look him in the eyes, not while the younger stared at him like he’d give his all to fix him.

 

He watched the younger slowly reach out to him, felt his fingertips dance across his forehead as they tentatively brushed his side fringe out of the way. His warm palm settling on his cheek, thumb caressing under his eye where moisture was rapidly collecting. “...what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry.”

Mingyu’s sad tone was like the trigger that broke down most of his self-control, he felt the other’s concern in the depths of his soul. The loose grip he had on himself became more lax, he wondered what it would feel like to just _let go_ for once.

 

Wonwoo thought he could deal with his issues on his own, that broadcasting them would only amplify his problems. He didn’t think he needed help to fix things, but in this moment, he desperately wanted to lean in. To allow himself the safety of being comforted by another human, to share a part of his story, to not feel so lonely. Part of him yearned to have that experience with someone, to be heard and understood.

Tears cascaded down his cheeks with his next blink and he quickly broke away from Mingyu’s touch.

Emotions he’d kept bottled up for so long broke free of their glass confines and cut into his heart, his breath hitched at the fresh pain, shoulders beginning to shake with the effort of holding himself back.

 

Even with his eyes tightly closed and his head down, he still felt Mingyu’s attention on him, it made his heart ache and his ears burn.

“you can tell me what’s on your mind, I’ll make it go away.”

 _What if you can’t?_ He wanted to sob, he stopped himself though. Something else slipped past him, he wasn’t fast enough to stop this one.

Maybe it had something to do with how Mingyu got a lot closer now, warmth radiating off his body in a side embrace that felt too gentle. His voice impossibly hushed as he softly whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

But Wonwoo couldn’t stop himself when his next words began to escape, it was like his crumbling barrier wall had finally collapsed. A strange sensation, with consequences that rippled across his chest, as liberating as it was terrifying. The final point of defence that kept him together for so long was now destroyed and he had no other way of hiding the truth.

 

“I don’t like crowds, especially the strange ones... I hate feeling like I’m the only one who doesn’t know anyone else.”

He took a shaky breath, the soothing circles on his back helped, but only _slightly_. He still felt way too emotionally charged, there was too much going on inside his head, his heart wasn’t coping well either, so he continued to speak, hoping he find some relief from this inner turmoil.

“Parties, clubs, even concerts. Anything too social, I-I don’t like it.” He shook his head as a helpless sob escaped him, biting down hard on his lip to stop the trembles, before he continued.

“Not having someone I know and trust in those moments makes it a million times worse... I hate being the centre of attention when I’m alone, it feels like I’m being exposed. Like they can see what a loser I am, that I’m scared. I _hate_ that... I hate it _so much_.” By the time he’d finished, he was surprised to discover the sadness in the other’s eyes, palpable despite the supportive smile on his face. Wonwoo didn’t know what to make of that, but that didn’t make him any less embarrassed of his meltdown.

 

Mingyu tutted and pulled him into a hug, Wonwoo didn’t realise he’d been crying until the younger told him it was okay, that he could cry until he felt better. Which made him cry harder, wasn’t people’s natural reaction to tell those who cry to shut up or grow up or something equally as offensive. Wonwoo always cried alone specifically to avoid being stabbed like that when he was most vulnerable.

Did he even _deserve_ this kindness? He was seriously crying on Mingyu in a dark closet at his friend’s party, he’d definitely regret it when he came back to his senses.

 

“It must’ve been hard on you, forming those opinions of yourself... I’m sorry you had to go through that on your own.” Mingyu’s words were sobering, his breath hitched, and he inhaled sharply.

No one’s ever told him that, granted, he’s worked hard to conceal this side of himself, still this isn’t what he’d imagined to hear. He thought if anyone somehow discovered his closely guarded secret, that they’d laugh or make fun of him, maybe even cut ties with him or pretend they didn’t know him.

This reality wasn’t even something he thought possible, he hadn’t ever entertained the idea that he’d be accepted, it never even crossed his mind that someone would hold him while he cried, never in his wildest dreams did he think that someone cared for him this much. _Especially,_ someone he’s been nothing but mean to, someone he’s wronged greatly, to be treated this gently by that person, felt incredibly illuminating.

 

His breath shuddered, he let the scent of what he assumed to be Mingyu’s shampoo or cologne slide into his nose and caress his senses. The smell was nice, it calmed him. Finally, he felt stable enough to pull back, sniffling as he did.

“I’m _f-ine_.” His voice broke on the second word and he tucked his face away from view, into his slightly shaky palms. Mingyu hummed, a hint of amusement in his tone. _Is he laughing at me?_ He slowly lifted his head, he needed to make sure.

Mingyu smiled at him, an emotion akin to fondness teeming from his eyes. They were still close enough for Wonwoo to feel his breath when he spoke.

“You precious soul. Wanna know what people really see when they look at you?”

 

He shook his head, feeling great relief at finally having a weight lifted off his chest but his cheeks still flamed in embarrassment.

“Too bad, I’m telling you anyway. So listen carefully...” Mingyu held his gaze, searching his face for any sign of uncomfortableness, waiting for permission.

So Wonwoo gave it to him with a nod and when the younger spoke next, his voice was somehow more profound, like he really wanted to push something across, Wonwoo couldn’t help but be mesmerised by his voice and the way he spoke.

 

“I don’t know when you started being so hard on yourself or how much of those thoughts you really believe but...” he shook his head for emphasis, his eyes sparkled brighter than normal. “Believe me when I say none of that is true... When people look at Wonwoo, they see a handsome guy with a bit of an attitude, they probably wonder how his hair is so shiny or how he has such perfect proportions. If they get the chance to see him up close, they’ll probably not look him in the eye, too intimidated by the way he stares like he wants to know you, like he genuinely cares. When they see his smile, they’ll feel like the luckiest person alive, they’ll struggle to understand how his teeth look like they came straight out of a dental commercial. And when he speaks...” Mingyu’s beaming smile revealed more of his teeth, “If they heard him speak, they probably wouldn’t even hear the words, cuz his voice is so captivating, deep and soothing. Perfect for lullabies and late-night radio shows, they’ll wonder how he speaks so softly when his voice is so manly. If they actually listened to the words he spoke, they’ll realise how smart and thoughtful he was, his witty humour and funny comments. That’s what people see and think when they look at you.”

 

“That’s what _I_ see and think when I look at you... I wish you can start to do the same.”

 

Fresh tears fell with his next blink, he’d fought to keep them open this whole time, to keep them trained on Mingyu, catching the sincerity dripping from his eyes and the bashful nature of his tentative smiles.

Mingyu’s words were simple and bare, meaning he had nowhere to hide from the truth they held, he told him the loveliest things like he _meant_ them.

The concept was easy enough but Wonwoo struggled to accept it. He wanted to understand though, so he laid out the facts first.

Mingyu was literally the epitome of human perfection, no one could come above, an undisputed fact. So why would someone like that waste his energy on making him feel better? why would he waste his breath on saying the sweetest things when he didn’t have to?

 _Unless_ … he _wanted_ to, unless he did what he did and said what he said because that’s exactly what _he_ thought Wonwoo deserved, that he was worth it, that he wasn’t wasting but rather giving, expecting his happiness in return. Which, made Wonwoo dizzy with breathlessness because if that were the case, then _why?_

 

“Sorry...” he sniffled, forcing a smile, “I’m a mess. Bet you didn’t expect this, ha?”

“Don’t feel like you have to apologise.”

Wonwoo stared blankly, Mingyu must’ve caught the disbelief in his eyes. “I mean it, hyung. Don’t assume what people think of you, _ask_ them, you’ll be surprised to know how wrong you are.”

 _I would be, if I asked you._ The thought was more heart fluttering than it led on. He looked down, biting his lip to stop the spreading smile, the blush was a lost cause by now, he just let it bloom.

“I- Mingyu, can we please pretend like this never happened.”

“Only if you promise to stop being so hard on yourself... Look in the mirror hyung, I’d be so in love with myself if I were you.” Wonwoo blanked, caught off guard by the younger’s passion, he nodded because he didn’t trust his voice at the moment.

 

Suddenly, Mingyu turned away from him, almond shaped eyes slightly wider than usual, then he couldn’t see his face anymore, or anything for that matter. Mingyu had apparently switched his flashlight off, Wonwoo could finally relax, he melted into the wall, not paying the coolness of it any mind, he was feeling too hot anyway.

After a while, Mingyu shuffled closer, slowly leaning his head back on Wonwoo’s shoulder. Something about the way the younger wrapped himself around his arm and snuggled his face into Wonwoo’s neck was different from the last time, it felt more fluid, like it came _naturally._

Wonwoo realised he wasn’t as stiff as before either, his hands were a little sweaty, but they weren’t shaking and when he felt the younger’s breath too close on his cheek, he leaned into the embrace. It surprised him how easy that was and wondered why that was the case.

 

Mingyu’s voice was hushed when he spoke, not disturbing the comfortable silence they’d settled into.

“Hyung, did you drink tonight?”

He was about to shake his head, then he remembered a couple of important things. One: Mingyu was physically stopping him from doing that by claiming his shoulder as his personal headrest and two: even if he could move, the action wouldn’t be seen in the darkness.

“I don’t like the smell or taste of alcohol, the hangovers suck too.”

Mingyu chuckled right by his ear, “You’re a good boy then.”

Wonwoo rolled his eyes and huffed instead of saying anything, apparently Mingyu had something to say about that.

“Cute.” The younger giggled, Wonwoo closed his eyes to appreciate the sound, what he’d said not registering at first.

The word was barely a whisper anyway, but everything was amplified when they were this close.

“Definitely not cute.” His mumble was stopped prematurely when Mingyu clamped a huge hand on his mouth, he was stunned into silence. Then he debated whether to bite the smartass for daring to disrespect him, that’s when he heard the door.

 

It creaked open slowly, not too loudly but it was distinct enough for him to know it was exactly _that_. Footsteps came into the room, they sounded careful, like the owner was looking for something, Wonwoo held his breath, fist tightening in Mingyu’s sweater before he knew what he was doing.

The footsteps came closer and closer, then stopped just by the closet, he felt the presence, heard the quickened breathing by his ear. _That can’t be right_ , he turned to his left where Mingyu sat holding him, the younger was shaking with barely suppressed laughter and his head was hidden on Wonwoo’s (useful) shoulder. It was annoying but also kind of adorable, still, Wonwoo didn’t know what was so funny but he wasn’t trying to get caught so he pinched his side.

Mingyu yelped in pain and it was Wonwoo’s turn to slap him across the mouth with his palm, he threatened him with his eyes, channelling the words “be quiet, or else”

Mingyu appeared compliant so he focused on the outside for now, the shadow of a person was still visible under the door and it didn’t seem to have moved.

Wonwoo began brainstorming ideas for valid excuses, their exposure was imminent, and he had no idea what kind of _sick_ twist drunk college students would put on this scenario.

Two grown ass males in a dark closet at a party, it was weird even by his standards and had the full potential to go viral. He had the full intention to stop that from happening.

 

Before he could do that, Mingyu untangled their limbs, Wonwoo didn’t even realise they’d tangled in the first place. While he glared at the shadow under the door, the door itself opened then closed abruptly. He felt a slap of air and when he blinked, he was suddenly alone in the closet and the shadow under the door was Mingyu’s.

He listened silently as he engaged the newcomer in conversation.

“JESU- …Mingyu hyung? YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF ME.” The first voice was set on letting the entire mansion know, no doubt shocked at the sight of a six-foot giant emerging from the closet of a dark room. It also sounded a little familiar, he strained to hear it better. 

“Hi Seungkwan” Mingyu’s attempt at sounding casual was laughable, he wished he’d seen that.

“What were you doing in there?”

An elongated pause, Wonwoo swallowed thickly, praying for Mingyu to leave him out of this and come up with something plausible.

“Hide and seek.”

Wonwoo shut his eyes and rubbed his temples, maybe he’d asked for too much. This Seungkwan guy was also finding it hard to believe. “In the dark?”

“Didn’t you know playing hide and seek is the _best_ when you do it in the dark?”

Mingyu sounded excited as he said that, like he genuinely meant it. _Not bad acting,_ he had to give him that, unless the tall man was serious, in which case they definitely needed to arrange something. Unsurprisingly, Seungkwan seemed to be falling for it, “Oh... wouldn’t it be scary?”

“Nope.” He popped the p, Wonwoo couldn’t see, but he imagined he looked cute.

“So who were you playing with?”

Another pause, much longer than the first. Shit, Wonwoo thought this was the end of the road. Surely, he’d be expos-

 

“Someone... You wouldn’t know him.”

Wonwoo cut his own thoughts off, Mingyu was really fighting for him out there, he suddenly wanted to hug him.

“Maybe I do, what’s his name?”

Seungkwan wasn’t giving up yet. Wonwoo held his breath.

 

Just as the silence began to thicken and the tension crackled, someone else cut through with a loud voice.

“There you are Seungkwan.” Wonwoo heard heavy footsteps walking closer, he involuntarily leaned back, “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

“Hi Vernon.” Mingyu and Seungkwan replied in unison. Wonwoo recognised that name, Mingyu mentioned he was friends with him.

“Mingyu hyung, _WoW_. I was looking for you too, didn’t think you’d be together.”

 Wonwoo frowned, then he went closer until he almost touched the door. 

 

He heard Mingyu first.

“Seungkwan and I were just talking. What do you need from me?” 

“We’re playing football in the tennis court, we need your height advantage.”

Wonwoo was a bit surprised at this Vernon guy’s voice, it was both deep yet childish, an intriguing contrast. _But did this mean Mingyu would leave him and go with them instead?_ He berated himself for feeling upset, it’s not like he _owned_ Mingyu. He could do whatever he wanted, Mingyu made it clear what he wanted.

“Sorry, I can’t... I uh... pulled a foot muscle at the gym this morning.”

It was a ridiculous excuse to avoid playing football in a tennis court but Wonwoo admired the effort. _Does he really hate playing football in tennis courts or does he actually want to stay with me?_ His heart fluttered at the thought.

Wonwoo heard Vernon question,

“Foot muscle?” At the same time Seungkwan pointed something out,

“But I saw you dance battling earlier”

“Yeah, that made my injury worse, I can barely walk... _ah ouch_... see, it hurts!”

 

There was a pause, Wonwoo swallowed and it sounded way too loud in his ears. Maybe it was his imagination, but the silence seemed to stretch on forever.

“Get well soon then, hyung.”

 

 

 

Finally, he sighed in relief and went back to sagging against the wall. That was _really_ stressful.

“Good luck in your game guys.” He heard Mingyu holler, then the shadows moved away, and the room was once again bathed in silence, but the light remained. The first thing he saw as the closet door unexpectedly flew open was Mingyu’s sour expression.

“Hyung we need to get out of here.” It sounded like an epic line from a drama, the hero saving the heroine from imminent danger. Wonwoo didn’t need saving.

Wonwoo sighed, “I’d honestly rather stay here”

“You can go if you want.” He added with a shrug, he tried to emulate an air of nonchalance, but it didn’t work because what he _really_ wanted to do was close the door and resume cuddling with Mingyu in the dark.

“You can’t hide in the closet forever.” They both paused to appreciate the unintended double meaning. Wonwoo pretended to facepalm himself and Mingyu fought a smile which eventually won the battle.

He crouched before him and now they were eye level. Wonwoo had to blink before he lost himself in the brown starry pools.

The older cleared his throat. “If I leave this closet, it’ll be to go home, and I don’t think my friends are done yet so I’m staying put.”

 

It took exactly three seconds for Mingyu to pretend like he was thinking and then he burst, during that time they engaged in a heated staring contest.

Mingyu broke it first, “I physically can _not_ stay here a second longer, I feel like I’m developing claustrophobia.” He dramatically hunched over as he took deep breaths.

Wonwoo shook his head, amused but also annoyed, he didn’t want his hiding place exposed. He reached out to grab the door, but before he reached it, his hand was grabbed by another and he was pulled out instead.

“Mingyu, _no_.” The taller boy was stronger and continued to pull him out of the room, stopping just as they reached the stairs.

He turned to him and because he was a step below Wonwoo, he had to look up, it was a nice change, “Where do you think I’m taking you?” He asked, finally letting go of his wrist.

Wonwoo glared, probably down the party, he asked him anyway, “Where _are_ you taking me?” He made sweater paws with his oversized shirt as he waited for an answer.

“Home.” Then he turned around and started going down the stairs, Wonwoo followed him out of shock, “How?”

The younger shrugged, “Taxi?” Wonwoo didn’t bring his wallet, how would be pay for that? He stopped at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’ll just... wait for my friends.” This was less embarrassing than saying he had no money.

Wonwoo had the feeling Mingyu got the wrong idea,

“What would they do for you that _I_ can’t?”

He blanched, not wanting to put a label on things but Mingyu sounded majorly jealo- he didn’t finish the thought. Instead, he found something not too offensive to say,

“Uhh... you don’t even know where I live.”

 

Mingyu narrowed his big eyes, he still looked adorable, it wasn’t intimidating at all. “ _Actually_ I do... Why would that be an issue anyway? You could just tell me.”

 _Mingyu knew where he lived?_ He hesitated while he wracked his brain for an answer, then it hit him in the form of an energetic ball of brown fluff and a serial killer who pays for people’s groceries. In his shock, he’d entirely forgotten about the strange encounter the pair of them had that November evening, in some ways that was the turning point to their story.

Wonwoo suddenly missed Akuma, the grandma was still in hospital so naturally the dog couldn’t return yet, his mood fell involuntarily, and he frowned.

 

Mingyu caught on to his bad mood, but he clearly thought it was due to something else, “hyung! Am I still a stranger to you?”

Wonwoo shook his head, “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Mingyu stopped him from trying to explain, by raising a palm in front of his face.

“I get it, you don’t trust me.” _Why did he keep misunderstanding?_ It was frustrating and really getting on his nerves.

“That’s not... Mingyu, stop putting words in my mouth. If you wanna take me home so badly, then _do it_.” He walked the rest of the way to the front of the house and didn’t stop until he was on the road outside. He didn’t even know if Mingyu was following him out, but he was too ashamed of his sassy outburst to check.

 

He couldn’t have been outside for more than a few minutes when someone walked up to his side.

“Where exactly do you live again?” Wonwoo flinched involuntarily, Mingyu was a lot closer than he expected.

He looked into his eyes and swallowed, “You’ll see.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened, “Am I coming with you?” He asked, innocently pointing to himself.

Wonwoo tried his best to keep his cool, the weather helped a little.

“You’re paying for it so you might as well.” 

 

Just then a black car pulls up in front of them and Mingyu gets the back door for him, Wonwoo assumed Mingyu already called for it and walked over. Instead of getting on, he paused next to Mingyu and said, “It’s cool if you don’t want to, like I said, I can stay in the closet for another few hours.” Mingyu pushed him out the way and got in first, Wonwoo grinned at his victory.

In hindsight, he didn’t know why he tried so hard to get Mingyu to come with him. Because if the taxi was requested in some kind of app, which it most likely _was_ then it was being paid for by the account holder. So in essence, he guilt-tripped the younger to come with him even after he’d paid for his ride home, he felt a bit like a selfish asshole.

 

Once they settled in and the car pulled away from the house, Mingyu spoke at him with pouted lips, “Stop hiding in closets, please” he sounded genuinely worried. Wonwoo was both grateful for the concern and embarrassed at the way he acted in the closet, he struggled to explain himself, “Well relax, today’s a one-off. I don’t- I’m not... like that... usually.”

Mingyu nodded, then he held his gaze,

“If you’re ever having another one-off day, remember you have me... Please don’t be sad on your own hyung, it hurts me here.” He pointed at his heart, Wonwoo blushed, tried to hide it with a laugh and shoved him but the other hardly budged.

“Promise me?” His eyes dripped with sincerity making Wonwoo’s blush deepen, “whatever.” He managed to mumble.

Thankfully, Mingyu dropped it, he let out a sigh of relief until he realised something important. If Mingyu didn’t know his exact address, then where did he ask the driver to take them? Was Mingyu planning to come along in the first place?

He stared at the younger’s side profile, awed at how perfectly built he was from his smooth forehead to his strong jawline. Wonwoo kept his mouth shut, he trusted him anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

Wonwoo stared back and forth between a sheepish Mingyu and the place he’d brought him. “I couldn’t find your place on the map so...” the younger trailed off,

“So you brought me to the bakery?” he finished for him. The younger’s answer to that was a shrug, Wonwoo didn’t dare turn his back, he never wanted to see that nightmare cafe and relive all those awful memories.

Then he made a split-second decision, they were already here anyway so _why not?_ “Let’s go there instead.” He pointed to a quiet bar a few shops left of the bakery and they walked there.

 

“Why do you suddenly want to drink?” Mingyu asked as they approached. Wonwoo shrugged, he couldn’t explain it, he barely drank usually, but he just felt like it.

At the bar, Wonwoo ordered for them with the know-how and confidence of an alcoholic at his favourite pub. He said he didn’t drink alcohol but that didn’t mean Jihoon didn’t exist, Wonwoo was sure his friend had a drinking problem, he would’ve been more worried if he didn’t have god-tier tolerance levels. Basically, the story goes that Jihoon dragged him a lot to bars when they were in college and proceeded to teach Wonwoo all about different alcohols, spirits, wines, rums, Wonwoo didn’t ask to be taught, but he still retained some of that information.

Mingyu seemed to be shocked, “You’re not a good boy anymore.”

Wonwoo felt something like a cramp in his stomach, with the effort to stop his laughter. He couldn’t keep himself from snorting though, “You’re the one that put that title on me, I never agreed with it.” 

“You said you don’t drink...” Mingyu continued to sound betrayed.

“I said I don’t like the taste and smell.”

The bartender placed their drinks on the table, Wonwoo took a sip of his from the straw while Mingyu cried out in disbelief, “That’s basically the same thing!”

The older shrugged, removed the straw from his drink and drained the contents, he ordered another even before he put the glass back down. Mingyu gasped, Wonwoo tried to wash the terrible taste down with more alcohol, “this is disgusting.” He paused long enough to complain before he ordered a third. It wasn’t evident to him at the time but he was trying to drink his feelings away, he should’ve known that was a bad idea, that it never worked. The only thing extensive alcohol consumption did to him, was timed amnesia.

 

So he knew he wouldn’t remember leaning into Mingyu’s side after the alcohol started to kick in, or the way Mingyu looked at him while his drunken habit of talking too much presented itself. He knew he wouldn’t remember the things he said tonight or the way Mingyu had to physically drag him out of the bar when he couldn’t seem to stop ordering more. Maybe it wasn’t Jihoon who he should be worried about _but_ himself.

But he wouldn’t remember any of this anyway, not the part where Mingyu finally got him to say his address, albeit in song format, another one of his drunken habits, he was too self-conscious to sing while sober. He wouldn’t remember the part where Mingyu pouted and told him to stop being so cute, or the part where he patted him down like an officer at his front door when Wonwoo refused to give his keys or open the door.

He _definitely_ wouldn’t remember how Mingyu tucked him in bed and looked like he didn’t want to leave. But most of all he wouldn’t remember the gentle lips on his forehead and the hushed murmur of sweet dreams, because he was already asleep by then. His subconscious made the executive decision that _this_ last one was definitely his worst drunken habit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're approaching the end, so I wanted to say a few things.
> 
> I want to apologise for this late chapter, I had writer's block and couldn't put anything out to you unless I could be proud of it.  
> Thank you for taking the time to read my work, I want to especially thank those of you that left such uplifting comments.  
> (scarlettgyu, esotericmind, miwoonu, notreginageorge and MelodyOfMoonlight) have my hearts <3<3<3<3<3 reading your comments helped me overcome my writer's block, so thanks :)
> 
> All the silent readers too, thank you. <3


	4. Chapter 4

It was anything from 7am to 11am when his front door slammed shut _so_ loudly that it startled him from sleep, definitely a feat.

His head was still painfully ringing in the aftermath, maybe a little too much pain for just a louder than average door slam.

 

Wonwoo was still blinking his eyes, lids heavy with sleep, mind groggily attempting to piece itself back into consciousness and he was almost there when Soonyoung burst in through his bedroom door. He glared in his direction, considering revoking his friend’s keys since they clearly had no respect for his sleep hours or his sanity, their eyes connected for less than a millisecond but his friend was _already_ nagging at him like an old lady.

Wonwoo tuned him out, he definitely had a headache and didn’t want it to get any worse, but he still got some pieces of Soonyoung’s rant.

“ _Yaddiyaddiyaddiya_ phone and _blahblahblahblah_ party” he also got the words “ _hot guy_ ”, “ _last night_ ” and “ _home_.”

Wonwoo pieced the story together with the help of his own recovering memory, then he finally had his epiphany. His friend was here at ass o’clock to ask him why he didn’t pick up his phone last night after the party and instead went home with a hot guy. Wonwoo _understood_ the question, the _problem_ was, he didn’t have an _actual_ answer.

Especially because his memory seemed to fail him after he’d tiredly stumbled into his apartment, he couldn’t recall if he’d been alone or if he invited Mingyu in, and if it was the latter option then he certainly had no recollection of what could’ve happened. He also thought he’d gone to the _hell cafe_ or Mingyu’s bakery, where Mingyu fed him things and called him cute, but that might’ve been a dream.

In all honesty, he didn’t even know if either of the above scenarios took place and if one of them did, he couldn’t say which was real and which one was the dream.

 

“I don’t know.” His voice was emotionless, his mouth was incredibly dry and tasted vile, he knew if he could smell his breath he’d definitely puke. _Strange_ , he remembered the party, but he didn’t recall drinking there. Hangovers weren’t something he experienced often, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know what they _felt_ like.

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Soonyoung stared at his blank face in confusion but Wonwoo was more confused, because he’d been perfectly _sober, right? So why the hell couldn’t he remember?_

Maybe he’d feel better after brushing his teeth and drinking two litres of water.

He drank one and a half, he also took painkillers, he was right, he _did_ feel better. But Soonyoung was still too loud, it wasn’t helping his headache.

 

 

“Kim Mingyu?!?” Wonwoo wanted to punch Soonyoung in the nose for screaming that name over and over for the past five minutes. The friends were currently in the kitchen, Soonyoung with a bowl of cereal and Wonwoo nursing a cup of tea, because his head still kind of ached and he couldn’t _stand_ coffee.

“You mean to tell me that the tall annoying baker who wouldn’t stop blowing up your phone for months, is _actually_ the hot guy who took you home after last night’s party?!” Wonwoo rolled his eyes and flinched at the pain in his head, losing count of how many times Soonyoung rephrased what was essentially the _exact_ same question.

“We’re kinda friends now...” he mumbled, not particularly eager to disclose that fact but definitely wanting to break this cycle.

“ _Kinda_ friends?” Soonyoung titled his head, eyes narrowed.

“Y-yeah...” Wonwoo gulped some tea and burned his tongue, “…thorta fwends, I gueth?”

 

Soonyoung snorted at his temporary lisp, then just as quickly he composed himself, using his good for nothing perceptiveness again, and _this_ time Wonwoo was defenceless.

“Wonwoo. Do you by any chance _li_ -” And before Soonyoung could finish the question, Wonwoo cut him off with his answer.

“Yes, I do!” The pair looked at each other, then they blinked a few times, both shocked at Wonwoo’s answer, but mostly because it was _so_ quick and he sounded _so_ sure.

Wonwoo knew this was _un_ like him, so he understood Soonyoung’s reaction.

 

“Wait so...” the blonde’s eyes widened, “you mean, you _lik_ -”

 

Wonwoo panicked, he screamed while pointing at something behind Soonyoung’s head, there was nothing there but he needed to distract him somehow.

His friend whipped around to check and almost fell off his chair, but he _somehow_ kept his balance and turned back to him with a hand to his chest and a hurt expression.

Wonwoo stopped his friend from complaining, no doubt about fake scaring like that, “I said _yes_ , so don’t ask me again.” He spoke through clenched teeth.

 

 

There was a short silence and Wonwoo thought it was finally over but then, “But Wonwoo, are you _sure_ you _lik_ -” Soonyoung was denied of finishing the question yet again, this time by an outburst that was more like a volcanic eruption than a simple temper tantrum.

 

“Yes, _I fucking love him_. Stop asking me asshole!”

You could hear a pin drop in the silence, no one even blinked in fear of ruining something.

Soonyoung’s mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish, he settled for a “ _Wow_...”

Wonwoo face-planted into the table, his brain finally catching up with his filter-less mouth, “ _Shit._.. I’m so stupid.”

 

Soonyoung was quick to correct him, “No, You’re not… This is great news actually, the last time you lik- sorry, _loved_ someone was...”

Wonwoo peeked up to see why the other suddenly stopped and found Soonyoung’s face contorted with a scowl, then he met his gaze, “You’ve never loved anyone before.”

Wonwoo wanted to cry at the look of pity on his friend’s face, his life was over. If his friend of years was reacting to him like this, then there was no way someone he’d known for barely a year would accept it. Mingyu would never speak to him again, he must never let himself get caught.

 

“You’ve gotta do it.” Soonyoung banged his fist on the table, Wonwoo’s head snapped up, “you need to tell him.” Wonwoo shook his head fervently, eyes begging him to drop the subject in a dingy deep swamp where the alligators would eat it and it’d never see the light of day again.

Soonyoung had other ideas, he circled the kitchen island and side hugged a scared Wonwoo, “ _Aww_ , don’t worry, Wonie bear.” He cringed at the weird name but had bigger things to worry about.

“This Mingyu dude has been thirsting over your skinny ass for months... _If you_ already love him, then I’m pretty sure he wants to wife you.” Out of the atomic bomb of information dropped on him, Wonwoo picked the “ _if you_ ” to complain about. Frankly, he was offended at what his friend was insinuating with the _deliberate_ way he pronounced those words, he was perfectly capable of loving, thank you very much.

_Especially_ when the subject was Kim Mingyu, the goof made it the easiest thing in the world to be loved. Not even the first week of fortnight made him fall as hard and Wonwoo had been a drooling mess that whole week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Soonyoung left at around 12:30pm, taking the last of Wonwoo’s headache with him. Wonwoo was still staring at the black screen of his phone at 1pm. Mingyu wasn’t replying to him, his heart prickled like it was being poked with a needle, he knew this would happen. But for some unknown reason he’d trusted Soonyoung’s stupid words against his better judgment. He was in the middle of engineering the next best way to destroy his phone when the thing vibrated in his palms, it took him a second to unlock and gape at the contact name.

**Sorry, I was at work**

**Still at work**

**But what did you need?**

**I can call you if it’s urgent**

He panicked, _no don’t call me!_ He definitely couldn’t do coherent speech at the moment and hearing his voice would only make matters worse. 

 

**No**

**It’s not urgent**

**I mean**

**It is but**

**You don’t have to call me**

**It’s just something I really**

**need to tell you**

**in person**

 He facepalmed, his texts definitely looked urgent, they looked like he sent them from his death bed.

 

**O**

**K**

**You’re scaring me**

**Did I do something wrong**

**Is this about last night**

Wonwoo fought the urge to ask what happened last night, instead he focused on figuring out how to come across as reassuring.

 

**I thought we could hang out**

**You know**

**Since we’re not strangers anymore**

**Oh**

**That’s it?**

**Yep**

**Haha**

**You should’ve said**

**Had me worried for nothing**

**Sure, let’s hang out**

 

They finally arranged to meet at the park near the bakery after 7pm, when Mingyu’s shift would end. Wonwoo sighed and melted back into his coach cushions in relief, until he remembered what he was subconsciously planning to do tonight and his stomach was in fresh knots of anxiety all over again.

 

His leg bobbed restlessly, lips raw from all his nervous biting. He’d spent the last few hours stress cleaning and playing games, now he had a gleaming home and an overheating computer. He switched it off and caught his reflection on the dark screen, he looked a mess and his hair felt greasy as he ran his fingers through the strands.

A quick time check showed that he had a little under two hours to get ready, but each step he took towards his bathroom was heavy with second-guessing and regret.

_Was he really going through with this? Would he be telling him tonight?_ A voice in his head told him it wasn’t too late to cancel and a wealth of well used excuses lined up in his brain.

The freezing water hit his head directly and the shock helped clear his mind, he sighed in the shower, glad to stop thinking for a while. After a thorough personal hygiene session and a blow dry, he stood in front of his chaotic closet.

Leg still bobbing and lips rosier than ever from his persistent biting, this time not out of nerves but stress, he had no idea what to wear. _Normally_ he wouldn’t care, _today wasn’t special, was it?_

But Mingyu always dressed like he was headed for the runway, maybe in Paris or Milan. Wonwoo’s idea of casual wear was a pair of joggers and a hoodie, he envisioned Jihoon would refer to him as a “hobo” if he dressed like that today. Althought it wasn’t something he liked to use to describe his style, he could see how some people might see it that way.

After some extensive thought he settled for an oversized orange knit jumper and a pair of light-coloured jeans, one of the few that fit right on his skeleton figure. So, in other words he’d decided to make an effort, not because he didn’t like his usual style but because he didn’t like the idea of Mingyu showing him up. It definitely had _nothing_ to do with his uncontrollable need to impress him, Wonwoo certainly _wasn’t_ working this hard to please him.

He also didn’t know why he was trying so hard to lie to himself, but he was just a moderately intelligent guy, he couldn’t possibly have _all_ those answers.

 

Just before he left on the 30-minute bus ride to the park, dread settled in his stomach, he felt suddenly queasy. He’d barely had any confidence to begin with but now that he was actually trying to get on his way, his apprehension became intolerable.

_I can’t do this_ , he shook his head and looked down at his outfit, _not like this_ , he went back inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

At the park, he was ticking with nerves, overflowing with tension. He needed to calm down but nothing was helping. When he arrived some minutes ago, the park was mostly empty, which made sense, given the time as well as the weather. Which was actually _quite_ pleasant during the day, but got exponentially chiller once the sun set, but even then, it was a refreshing coolness rather than an unbearable freeze.

Still, he saw the random runner or dog walker in the distance, every shadow and small movement startled him, _every_ thing looked like Mingyu. But that’s because he couldn’t get him out of his head.

Wonwoo knew he’d never be truly ready to confront him, not with the feelings he harboured for him, it scared him how quickly they grew to their current size.

_Would Mingyu be scared too? Would it be selfish of him to burden the younger with this?_ It wasn’t too late to back out, pretend he just wanted to play in the park. He’d end up looking like a _fool_ but that sounded better to him than losing a friend.

 

During his journey to the park he’d been too busy time-keeping to have the mental capacity for panicking. At first, he’d tried sitting down on the bench but his belly started flipping like he was having a stomach-ache, so he switched to the swing but his heart began hammering in his chest, blood flowing powerfully in his ears. In a last effort he even tried lying down on the dewy grass, the sky was clear but the chill remained, he snuggled into his blanket of a coat and watched the twinkling stars.

It offered a little distraction, until his hyper-tense brain began joining those stars with invisible ones, it took him a while to realise he’d been drawing Mingyu’s face in the sky. He wasn’t the best at art but he had to agree _this_ one was a masterpiece.

Wonwoo caught himself smiling as he caressed the air above his head, where the imaginary portrait of Mingyu _supposedly_ hung from the stars and he sat up abruptly. He mentally berated himself, _how would he explain himself if he was caught_ , he shivered, more so from nerves than the weather and walked back over to the bench he’d initially sat on.

This time he just stood beside it and closed his eyes, focused on his breathing and tried to stay as still as possible. He had his hands in his pockets and his hood up, his puffy coat reaching almost to his ankles, the blackness of it blending in with the night. There was a single lamppost nearby but the weak lightning only made the shadows harsher and his figure more striking to passers-by. Wonwoo couldn’t see himself though, he was warm and comfortable and also _really_ nervous, but he was working on that last one.

He’d reached a point where his mind turned white with blankness, not due to peacefulness but rather with a sense of emptiness. Like his brain was forcefully flushed out of his thought-making system, he felt like just a _body_ , light and thoughtless, like he wasn’t _in control_ of his own self anymore. Not that he wanted to be in control in the first place, it felt good to have a break.

Swimming in his still state, he didn’t notice his senses had dulled along with his touch to reality, to the point that his hearing was severely muffled and his eyes were staring in a daze. So, it wasn’t surprising when he didn’t pick up on the sound of hesitant footsteps approaching or feel the tapping on his shoulder, but then he heard something loud, and a chain reaction began.

His vision tunnelled and his brain activated, he’d been wrenched back so hard that he had to blink away the whiplash. Slowly he turned on his heel, blinking at a cowering Mingyu, the tall man stood a few metres away, hunched over to the point that the two of them were now eye level.

_Why did he look so pale? Like he’d seen a ghost?_

Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed as he thought, he began to glare.

_Why was Mingyu so far away?_ Subconsciously, he took a step closer, Mingyu flinched back.

 

Wonwoo’s glare intensified, in his head he was confused but, on his face, there was nothing, it was frozen in a blank expression.

“What’s wrong with you?” He was starting to get worried now, his heart was in the right place but his words came out harsher than intended.

“N-nothing.” Mingyu’s voice sounded higher than normal, Wonwoo frowned, _was he sick?_ He went to check his temperature but as he walked closer and tried to take his hand out of his pocket, Mingyu shrieked and stumbled onto the bench. “Hyung! I don’t know what I did but Please don’t kill me...” his long legs were pulled to his chest and his head was buried in his arms. He’s never seen him like this before, either this was a _joke_ or something wasn’t _right._

“What are you talking about?” He stood directly over him now, “Why would I kill you?”

“I’m sorry.” Mingyu recoiled away from him, if this was a joke then he really nailed the act of remorse. But in the case that the younger was _actually_ sick, then Wonwoo needed to check.

“Move your arms, Gyu.”

“Wonwoo _please._ ”

He rolled his eyes, his face slowly melting back into life, then he grabbed the younger’s arm and pulled it away to reveal his pleading eyes. Wonwoo scowled at him, still confused and slightly concerned, he pushed Mingyu’s hair back and placed his warm palm on the younger’s forehead.

“W-what are you-”

Wonwoo shushed him and closed his eyes to feel, then his frown deepened. Mingyu was a normal temperature, a little too warm but definitely _not_ feverish, so why was he acting so off.

“Are you okay?” Mingyu’s answer to his question was a crazed look and a scream of, “ _Are you_?!” Wonwoo nodded, _of course he was okay, why wouldn’t he be?_

“T-take that _thing_ off.” Mingyu pointed at Wonwoo’s puffy overcoat with a slightly shaking finger. The huge shapeless coat was a birthday gift from his grandfather that he never quite grew into, he didn’t wear it often because it made him disappear and scared the children. His lips puckered while he thought, he didn’t get why he had to take it off but he shrugged it off anyway.

The moment if fell off his shoulders, Mingyu grabbed it from his hands and hurled it behind the bench, Wonwoo was seriously worried now, “Mingyu, what the fuck? Why would you do that?”

“Why not?!” Mingyu’s tone rose, matching the disbelief in Wonwoo’s voice. He was about to answer that question when a man approached them, looking lost as he checked his phone every so often.

Mingyu and Wonwoo were too busy staring at each other, trying to figure out the other’s strange behaviour, so they didn’t notice the man until he was very close and already talking. Wonwoo didn’t catch his words fully, something about a station, whether it was _police_ or _train_ , he didn’t know.

What he _did_ know was that he didn’t appreciate the interruption and apparently neither did Mingyu.

“ _What?!_ ” They turned simultaneously, the stranger eyed them warily, “sorry, I-I remember n-now.” He backed up slowly then began running as soon as he turned around.

Wonwoo noticed the man was running faster than you’d expect a _stable_ person to be, he looked like he was being chased by a serial killer, or two.

Mingyu and Wonwoo stared after the man in confusion, getting closer at some point because now they were standing side by side, arms touching and Wonwoo leaned back into the warmth.

“What was _that_ all about?” Mingyu’s voice came over his shoulder and he shrugged, that guy was _definitely_ a weirdo.

But the warm one behind him was also acting like a weirdo, “why did you throw my coat away?” He found Mingyu’s face was very close to his own when he turned to him, he accidently looked into his deep eyes and his brain stuttered.

He turned away swiftly and swallowed, feeling the blood flow to his cheeks.

Mingyu replied in a bizarre tone, “It’s ugly.” _Really?_ Wonwoo didn’t think that was reason enough to freak out.

“Actually...” Mingyu started, stepping out of his personal bubble and taking a seat at the bench, “I was scared.” Wonwoo followed him to the bench and sat on the other side then tilted his head, “of what? a coat?”

 

 

 

 

Once he heard Mingyu’s explanation, he nodded in understanding. Apparently, Mingyu was like the children.

Wonwoo was now less confused about the younger’s actions and more fascinated at how his brain worked, “you watch too many movies.” He chuckled, Mingyu whined at him, “You really looked like a murder waiting for his next victim...” Mingyu shivered, Wonwoo laughed, assuming the younger was reliving his earlier fear, “I’ve never been _more_ scared of you.”

Wonwoo stopped laughing and turned to him, their eyes met, “You’ve been scared of me before?”

Mingyu’s eyes sparkled and his face lit up with a smile, he really resembled Wonwoo’s starry portrait of him at this moment. “Plenty times but not anymore”

He pouted at the vague answer, it didn’t sound too good, “when and why? I’m not scary.” _Was he?_ He didn’t think he was.

Mingyu looked away from him, “It’s not a bad thing, hyung.” He watched as the younger stared at the dark sky, “You were just really intimidating when we first met...” his tone sounded dreamy and he looked blissful, Wonwoo didn’t notice he was smiling too.

“... back _then_ , you just glared at everything, I never saw you talking to anyone.” That wasn’t true, Wonwoo talked to plenty of people, sometimes over a hundred in a single shift, fixing complicated orders and putting up with people’s sour expressions. He had no reason to be happy while serving them, they didn’t appreciate him and the feeling was mutual on his side.

“So how come you tried so hard to get close to me?” He couldn’t believe he was finally asking this question after so long, Mingyu’s eyes widened and he ducked his head, his explanation was mumbled, “I saw you smiling sometimes when you were on your phone... I was curious, I wanted to know if I could make you smile like that too.” _Well that’s definitely not what he expected_ , and if he wasn’t already so emotionally invested in Mingyu then he’d be scared at the way his heart raged in his rib cage.

He was reminded of last night in the closet, it felt like years ago when Mingyu held him and told him he felt lucky being able to see his smiles. A giddy laugh bubbled up his chest when he recalled how relieved he felt that night, to finally bear his insecurities to someone and have that person embrace him even harder. Wonwoo allowed his laughter to permeate the air around them, “you have a beautiful laugh, hyung. It’d be nice if you smiled more.”

Wonwoo’s head whipped up, laughter replaced with awe. Mingyu was looking at him with a soft expression, his eyes bathing in bliss, Wonwoo was glad that their happiness was at least mutual. If anyone was lucky it was him, he didn’t know how he deserved someone like Mingyu and he suddenly felt really selfish for wanting even _more_ from him.

 

His heart dropped and it must’ve showed on his face because Mingyu shuffled closer, “is everything okay?” He felt a hand between his shoulder blades, gentle and reassuring.

_Now_ ’s the time, he knew it was now or never, he called Mingyu out here for a reason, he knew if he couldn’t tell him tonight, he’d _never_ be able to do it. The problem was, _how?_

_How do you tell your close friend something that could potentially end your friendship?_

 

Mingyu knew things about him that most people didn’t, he knew his secrets and his gloomy side, he’d seen him cry and learned about his inner thoughts. The fact that he _still_ continued to treat him with the same care and attentiveness as before gave him _some_ hope, but it was fleeting. He realised just how much the younger meant to him, when his throat constricted and his chest ached at the thought of losing him. _How do you tell someone who’s done so much for you that your heart literally beats for them?_

“Is it about your text? You said you wanted to tell me something. Is that it?”

He nodded and took a shaky breath, but try as he might, he couldn’t bear to look him in the eye, he stared at his lap instead, hands tightly clasped between his thighs. “Before I tell you... I want you to know you’re a really _really_ good person.” His tone was shaky but that didn’t throw him off, it was expected. What wasn’t expected was Mingyu sitting even closer and hugging him to his side, his worried voice as he asked him if he was okay for the second time, genuine concern and care radiating off of him, Wonwoo wanted to _cry_ again.

Deep breaths, he mentally pep-talked himself until he felt stable enough to speak again, “Thank you for being so nice to me all the time-” the younger pulled away suddenly, Wonwoo cut him off before he could say anything.

For some reason, he didn’t think he could go through with this if he let him talk. “No, listen...”

Mingyu bit his lip and nodded, so Wonwoo continued, “I didn’t think someone that made me _this_ happy could exist... but then I met you.”

He heard Mingyu’s breath hitch and he looked up, the younger was still biting his lip, he could only assume it was to stop the moisture gathering around his deep brown eyes. It took him a while to notice his own collection of tears that were almost ready to fall, _this wasn’t supposed to be sad, why was Mingyu so upset?_

Wonwoo took an embarrassingly long time to realise how his words must’ve sounded to the younger. They were sincere and completely out of character, he just wanted Mingyu to know he _appreciated_ him but apparently, he’d made it sound like he was saying _goodbye_. Like they’d never see each other again, that wasn’t his intention, but when Mingyu’s chin wobbled, his brain short-circuited.

“ _No no no_ , I don’t mean it like _that_ Gyu _._..” Mingyu let out a heart-breaking sob, throwing Wonwoo further into panic, he tried to explain but the younger’s tears continued to fall, he wasn’t looking at him anymore.

Wonwoo gently gathered him in his arms and Mingyu’s wet face settled in his neck, “I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” The thought that maybe he’d read the signs _wrong_ crossed his mind, _what if these were happy tears and not sad ones? What if Mingyu was just relieved that Wonwoo would finally be out of his life? What if he wasn’t crying because he was also scared of losing him, like Wonwoo thought he was?_

Well, he’d definitely be embarrassed if that was the case but _right now_ , he didn’t care. The angle of their embrace was awkward but he didn’t care about that either, the only thing on his mind, to make the boy in his arms happy again.

Maybe he _shouldn’t_ tell him.

 

“Sorry.” Mingyu sniffled into his ear, bringing Wonwoo out of his messy thoughts, he rubbed the younger’s back, “it’s okay. I get it.” At least he _hoped_ he did.

“It sounded like you were breaking up with me.”

Wonwoo blushed at the younger’s word choice, it implied they were _more_ than friends, but this was _Mingyu_ and he always had a unique way of saying things. Wonwoo sighed and held him tighter, upset at Mingyu’s sadness but glad that he was right about the reason.

“It’s ironic you say that actually.” He pulled back, a small amused smile on his lips. Mingyu wiped his face, no longer crying but still a long way away from his usual happy self, he sniffled, “I don’t get it. What’s ironic?”

Wonwoo spoke carefully, watching the other’s reaction closely, “That you thought I was _breaking up with you_ ”

Mingyu’s reaction was a confused head tilt, Wonwoo didn’t like how much cuter that made him look, “Why is that ironic?” Mingyu pouted as he asked, reminding Wonwoo of his intense reactions to him, that night outside his apartment.

It was months ago now, but he still remembered his own confusion as to why he reacted so _strongly_ to Mingyu. He _knew_ why now, Mingyu would soon know too.

He took a final breath, “because I was actually trying to tell you the opposite.”

 

Wonwoo’s heart hammered as he waited for any sign of anything, Mingyu’s face was blank, he kept blinking at him. Wonwoo estimated he had a few seconds left before Mingyu understood the meaning of his words, he braced himself, trying to look brave even though he was severely lacking courage.

 

“ _Ah_!...” Mingyu suddenly yelled like he’d been slapped, he leaned into Wonwoo with unsettled eyes, “the opposite of breaking up with someone is to _get_ with someone... you were... Uhm... were _you_ asking me out?” Mingyu titled his head adorably again, words rushed like he was struggling to breathe, Wonwoo definitely was.

His breath caught in his windpipe, he tried to speak but Mingyu beat him to the stage and started rambling, Wonwoo noticed it was the other’s flustered habit, “that’s a really sad way to ask someone out, I would’ve done a much better job. I wouldn’t make you cry.”

Wonwoo gaped at Mingyu’s pouting face, the blush on his own cheeks spreading all over his face and neck.

“ _You_ ’d ask _me_ out? _Me_?!” He couldn’t stop the disbelief from colouring his words. Mingyu furrowed his eyebrows, like he was stating obvious things, “why wouldn’t I?... you’re basically perfect, I’ve liked you for a very long time.” He dropped that bomb like it was nothing, then he proceeded to smile innocently like he didn’t just do that.

Wonwoo was shocked, but his heart soared, “You can’t _just_ say that.” He managed to mumble while his fingers retreated into his sweater.

“I will, because you’ll probably scare the shit out of me and make me cry again if I don’t say it first.” Mingyu grabbed one of Wonwoo’s sweater-paws forcing him to look up with a gasp, “I like you, Jeon Wonwoo.”

 

He was full on suffocating by now, lungs screaming for oxygen as his heart bungee jumped to its demise, Mingyu wasn’t done yet, “But, I’m glad you asked me out... you _are_ asking me out, _right_?”

He stopped dying inside to nod at him like a lunatic, but when he tried to speak nothing came out.

“ _Good_.” The younger returned his nod.

_Thankfully_ , Mingyu’s uncertainty was replaced by a sunny smile, “ah, I got you something, but it’s probably cold by now.” _From the bakery?_ He bit his lip while he speculated, he felt like screaming. Meanwhile, Mingyu took out a small paper bag with the bakery’s logo from the pocket of his self-decorated jean-jacket and handed it to Wonwoo.

 

He put his finger inside, it was definitely _cold_ but Wonwoo’s heart was so abused from all the running and falling and melting that he needed a distraction. He popped the whole thing in his mouth and hummed as the flaky, zesty goodness filled up his cheeks. It was a lemon tart, Wonwoo wasn’t picky with pastries but these were one of his favourites.

He tried to smile at Mingyu with his full cheeks and the younger laughed, his eyes completely disappearing into crescent shapes as he poked Wonwoo’s pastry-full cheek. He stopped chewing for a second, blinking in surprise, _was this beautiful man really real?_ Or _did he fall asleep while getting ready and this was all a dream?_

“You’re not supposed to put the whole thing in your mouth, you know?” Mingyu shook his head, amused with twinkling eyes, Wonwoo tried to smile back, the younger was happy again. Suppressed emotion rose from the pits of his stomach and he forced it back down with the lemon tart.

“How was that?”

“Really nice, 10 outta 10.”

Mingyu leaned back, “Wasn’t it cold though?”

He nodded and pouted in thought, “... 8.5 outta 10.”

“I’ll get you something warm next time.”

Speaking of warmth, he spotted his huge overcoat behind the bench and bent to pick it up, “You don’t have to.” He said as he cleaned the dirt from it.

“I _want_ to, hyung”

Wonwoo put the coat on, Mingyu watched him do it, “I _really_ don’t like that thing.” Wonwoo scoffed, feeling impulsively defensive, “You don’t _have_ to like it. I’m the owner and if _I_ wanna like it, then _I_ will.” Mingyu had an unexpected response to that, “What about me?” Wonwoo cocked his head to the side, the way Mingyu always did when he was confused, albeit unintentionally, “What _about_ you?”

 

Mingyu let out a noise like he was getting impatient, “Do you _like_ me?”

He spluttered, “You should know.”

“I wanna hear it.” The younger grabbed his hand and complained in his face, Wonwoo regretted wearing his coat because he was suddenly overheating. He had to escape, he pulled himself away and started speed-walking out of the park, yelling a rushed farewell over his shoulder, “I need to get going, bye Mingyu.”

 

 

 

“Hyung!” He heard a shocked Mingyu call after him and the younger must’ve chased him because he was suddenly caught up with him, _stupid long legs_. An arm came over his shoulders, “that was mean”

Wonwoo laughed instead of replying and they walked together to the bus stop.

 

Once they arrived there was a few people already on the bench so they decided to stand up while they waited. Mingyu’s arm was still around him, hand resting on his left shoulder as he whistled a familiar tune and looked down the road.

Wonwoo was in the middle of fighting a cheesy smile when he felt a tug at his left ear, warmth surged in his abdomen, he twisted to his left, _nothing_ , Mingyu continued to whistle. _Did he imagine that or did Mingyu really do what he thinks he did?_ _Granted_ , there’s no way the younger would know his ears and neck were super sensitive, but still _, who does that?_

He shrugged, deciding to ignore it for now and subconsciously leaned closer to Mingyu’s side, stuffing his hands further into his own pockets. Then he felt it again, this time more like a pull at his earlobe, he turned to Mingyu with narrowed eyes and pursed lips.

The younger was still staring at the road, now humming instead of whistling, “ _stop_ touching my ear.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened and his lips pouted in fake innocence, “I didn’t”, Wonwoo saw the playful glint in his eyes and huffed. Their faces were way too close like this and he spun back to the front, Mingyu also went back to humming.

 

Another minute or so later, he felt movement on his left shoulder and his hand flew to shield his ear, successfully intercepting whatever evil act Mingyu had planned. His head slowly rotated to face a grinning Mingyu, he glared. He noticed his glares hardly had the desired effect on Mingyu, the younger often laughed it off instead of shrinking at the intensity.

“Why are you so _cute_ , hyung?” The disrespect went a step further this time when a hand gently stroked the hair at the back of his head.

“It’s not funny, I’m serious…” He felt like a small kid, in all truthfulness he liked how Mingyu’s strong digits felt on his scalp but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing. The fact that it was happening in _public_ made his scowl deepen, Mingyu nodded in fake remorse and made a fake promise, “okay, I’ll stop.”

It was so fake. Wonwoo _knew_ because Mingyu’s eyes were full of laughter. He’d always known about Mingyu’s tendency to tease and he’d been alright with that, but _not_ when it came to his sensitive ears, _especially_ in public, he wasn’t into that. Mingyu tried to put his arm around him again but he shrugged it off, “I don’t trust you, gimme your hand.”

Mingyu immediately slapped his palm on Wonwoo’s and their fingers interlaced somehow, it wasn’t even Wonwoo’s intention but it happened. _Naturally_ , he found it weird but it felt nice so he didn’t try to change it.

 

A chilly wind blew, but nothing cooled down his burning cheeks, he squeezed their joined hands, just to check whether it was actually real. Mingyu squeezed back and Wonwoo was hit with an unexplainable coughing fit, the younger let go of his hand and began patting his back, “you okay?”

Wonwoo heaved, somehow managing to stop his lungs from trying to escape through his mouth. Then just as he straightened up and nodded, his bus arrived. People lined up to board it but Wonwoo stayed back, staring at Mingyu, unsure what to do or even say.

Mingyu cleared his throat, “Text me when you get home, hyung.” Wonwoo nodded, then just before he could change his mind, he stood on the tips of his toes and softly pressed his lips to Mingyu’s cheek.

He watched in awe as the tanned skin instantly coloured, “thank you, Gyu... for everything.” Then he turned and jumped on the bus just before the doors closed, waving through the glass once he sat down.

He couldn’t help but smile at the look of pure shock on Mingyu’s face, then the bus lurched forward and drove away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, he was up early, and by _early_ he meant before 10am, _9:15am_ to be precise. And that’s because he had a big test during the week and needed to get as many hours of revision as possible.

His computer was silent and oddly cold for a Sunday, his brain working much harder than he was used to for a weekend as he continued to cram information into the limited space. This was _his_ style, almost last-minute cramming, the information would stay in his head long enough until he sat the test, then everything he worked so hard on would be instantly forgotten. Covered in the dust of his short-term memory, he’d been doing it since middle school, he knew it _worked_ for him.

So, when the hours flew by and the sun began losing some of its glow, he barely noticed it, but then his stomach rumbled like the crackling of thunder and he definitely noticed _this_.

He took the opportunity to power his phone back on and check his messages, he’d switched it off the moment he woke up, not wanting any distractions and he’s glad for that decision now, he wouldn’t have been able to focus otherwise.

The moment his phone connected to the internet, a literal tsunami of texts tumbled through. He started with Mingyu’s, naturally smiling as he did.

 

**I’m glad you’re home safe**

**Thanks for letting me know**

 

Then a few hours later,

 

**You’re probably in bed by now**

**Sweet dreams hyung**

 

Then another few hours later,

 

**Good morning sunshine**

**Did you sleep well?**

**I miss you**

 

Then an hour ago,

 

**Are you busy?**

**Text me back when you’re not**

**Did I tell you I miss you**

Wonwoo blushed, he bit his lip when it stung and screeched, glad to be home where no one can watch him have multiple heart attacks.

 

**Sorry**

**My phone was off**

**What’re you up to?**

He deliberately avoided addressing all the important parts.

 

**Working**

**Thinking about things**

**Mainly you**

**Are we dating?**

 

**Don’t ask questions**

**Hyung**

**That’s literally impossible**

**I need to know**

**It’s killing me inside**

**I need to go**

**I’ll tell you later**

**Have a good day at work**

 

Then he exited the chat and made a point to ignore him until _much_ later, when he’d hopefully get his shit together. He moved on to messages from a group chat that he didn’t recognise, it became more obvious once he began to read more.

A lot of them were from familiar people, his squad and their friends, some names he recognised from that night at the party. _Apparently_ , someone got promoted at work and Seungcheol made it mandatory for all the group participants to attend an impromptu celebration.

He kept skimming the messages, there was literally hundreds of them, he came across mentions of bowling and pizza, his belly made a split-second decision, he couldn’t lie, pizza was always good.

 

A mixture of excitement and an underlying sense of trepidation filled his mind as he slipped into his boots at the front door. But the excitement overshadowed his social anxiety due to the promise of free food, he pulled his beanie lower to cover his ears and pushed his glasses higher up his nose bridge. The gathering was supposedly starting at 4:30pm but since he found out at around 5pm he was already running quite late. This decision was very impulsive for him, but he just felt _good_ today, like he could handle mingling with unfamiliar humans.

 

 

 

The unfamiliar humans turned out to be not _too_ bad in the end, the pizza positively exceeded his expectations, he was satisfied.

Back at the bowling alley he destroyed everyone at the sport, not afraid to showcase the skills he’d gained when he was addicted to bowling at high school. As for actual socialising he mainly stuck close to Soonyoung and Jihoon since Jun was being very obviously disgusting with Minghao.

At some point they moved on to the arcade next to the bowling alley and his two friends disappeared, so he spent quite a while taking turns in beating Vernon and Dino at arcade games while Seokmin and Seungkwan commentated, it was _surprisingly_ entertaining.

When Soonyoung returned his face was redder than normal and Jihoon was missing, “I can’t believe you’re actually having fun Won. I’m proud of you.” The blonde whispered to him, the new guys were actually not too bad, he was oddly amused.

Wonwoo shrugged in response and looked over Soonyoung’s shoulder, “Where’s Jihoon?” Soonyoung’s blush got impossibly redder, “O-Oh he uhm... he went.” Wonwoo narrowed his eyes, Soonyoung gulped and avoided his gaze. Before he could investigate, Jeonghan came over to tell them it was time for dessert, he took one last look at his friend and followed Jeonghan out.

 

Vernon suggested this hip dessert place that according to him, had bomb chilli cakes, Wonwoo wasn’t sure, it sounded a bit dangerous.

During the walk, Jun literally hung off his shoulder and he allowed it, his friend was way too obvious with his crush. Minghao was a few feet ahead of them, laughing with seungkwan about something Dino said, Wonwoo wasn’t close enough to hear.

 

He caught himself thinking that _this_ was actually nice, it was bizarre, but he actually felt good being with people he didn’t really know too well. He didn’t know what to do with that information, but he didn’t hate the thought.

 

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he took it out, it was a message from Mingyu, Wonwoo had to scroll up to get to the first one. Jun stopped talking and peered over his shoulder at the screen, “you have a _boyfriend_?!”

He almost dropped his phone, “No!” Wonwoo panicked, Jun was unnecessarily loud, a few people turned to them.

“Who has a boyfriend?” Seungcheol shouted somewhere from the front of the group. Wonwoo pleaded with his eyes for Jun to stop, Jun didn’t get the message. “Wonwoo. _Wonwoo_ has a boyfriend!” He screamed back, Wonwoo facepalmed then kept his face there, too embarrassed to look up.

“That’s my boy!” He heard Soonyoung shout happily,

“ _Wonwoo?!_ ” Someone asked,

“ _Wonwoo_ has a boyfriend?!” Another person echoed, the one thing they all had in common was shock.

“Who’s Wonwoo?... Oh, wait. Wonwoo hyung has a _boyfriend?!_ ” He recognised this voice, it was Seungkwan and _wasn’t he friends with Mingyu?_

_Great,_ he thought. Then he turned on his heel and ran away, a few people called after him, he kept going. Once he made it to the train station, the embarrassment caught up to him, he typed up a quick excuse in the group chat and switched his phone off.

 

 

 

 

 

Once he got home, he immediately began doing the laundry. Sunday was laundry day _anyway_ but right now he had a different agenda. He wanted a distraction, something to stop him from reliving the mortification from tonight. Nothing worked better at clearing his mind than studying and doing chores, they consumed him to the point where he had no space in his mind for anything else. That’s exactly what he spent his Sunday night doing, and deep into the early hours of Monday since he hadn’t noticed the time. He prepared his bag for the morning and then set his alarm a little later than usual for class before falling in bed, exhaustion heavily set in his bones.

 

When he woke up that morning it was to the shrill ringtone of his phone, normally he liked this song but anything that disturbed his sleep was an enemy. Especially when he felt _this_ tired, he picked up without checking the caller because his brain was more like candy floss than one solid mass at the present, “hello?” He croaked into the device.

“ _Holy shit_... I should call you more often in the morning.”

Wonwoo’s brain was rebuilt enough to recognise the voice as Mingyu’s but not enough to decipher his words, “Huh?”

He heard laughter on the other end and the sound helped to activate more of his brain cells.

“I just woke up.” He resorted to stating the obvious while wondering what Mingyu found so funny when the younger chuckled again, “well good morning, hyung. I heard what happened last night.” _Last night? What happened last night?_

The memories crawled over and slapped him in the consciousness. He ignored the embarrassing bits and hoped Mingyu would do the same, “ _Wait,_ you were supposed to come last night?”

Mingyu hummed, he heard shuffling on his end and sat up while he waited for the younger to speak, “Yeah, I was working though... I would’ve taken the day off if I knew you’d be there.”

It was too early for his heart to be beating so loudly, he put a hand over the organ, attempting to soothe it back to a normal rate. He wondered what time it actually was and why Mingyu was calling instead of his usual texts, he got his answer soon after he asked, “What time is it?”

He stretched feeling really exhausted, he thought it couldn’t be past 7 in the morning. “It’s a little past 9am... don’t you have class at 10 today?”

_That’s_ why Mingyu was calling, Wonwoo probably slept through his texts and the worried younger must’ve called to check up on him.

Two things he knew for sure was that he’d definitely slept through his alarm and that he was very _very_ late. Both rare occurrences that hardly happened, he panicked.

_Shit shit shit shit_ , he swore internally, “I’ll talk to you later.” He didn’t wait for Mingyu’s reply and headed straight for the bathroom.

 

Wonwoo got ready in record time, making it out the door in under 20 minutes. He double checked for his phone, bag and glasses, then he was jogging to at least make in time for the next train.

 

 

He emerged from the steps of the underground train tunnel and was stunned at the sight before him, his gaped in shock.

In plain sight of the steps, Mingyu stood, casually dressed in a pair of jeans and long fluffy cardigan, he looked like the definition of boyfriend material. But the younger’s university was on the opposite side of Seoul, Wonwoo’s cheeks burned at the implication.

He knew the reason but decided to ask anyway, “Why are you here?” Mingyu moved away from the tree he’d been leaning on and fell into step by his side, “to see you.” then he smiled down at him.

Wonwoo hummed, heart purring in pure joy, he wanted to squish Mingyu’s stupid smiley face, “Don’t you have class?”

The younger answered without missing a beat, “It can wait.”

They came to an intersection and Mingyu put an arm around him, shielding his body from the traffic as they crossed. Mingyu didn’t even look like he noticed, Wonwoo definitely did and it warmed his insides.

“I don’t condone that... it’s nice to see you though.”

Wonwoo was almost disappointed when the younger moved away once they reached the other side. But he couldn’t even start to be disappointed when he looked up to see a pouting Mingyu, “You shouldn’t have said that” Mingyu’s voice grew serious, “I’m gonna end up making another bad habit for you.” Wonwoo ignored how Mingyu made it sound like he’d already made multiple bad habits _because_ of him, he didn’t know if he liked that or not, his heart was torn on the matter, but he certainly didn’t want to have an adverse effect on the younger’s studies,

“I told you I _don’t_ condone it.” He pointed out, at the same time Mingyu began to shake his head, “But you’re happy to see me, which means you’re happy I’m skipping class for you.”

 

He grabbed the younger’s arm, making him stop and face him, “you never said _anything_ about skipping!” Mingyu shrugged, completely indifferent. Wonwoo was speechless for just a second, then he knew the right thing to do, “I changed my mind, I hate seeing you. Go away.”

Then he took off walking again. He made up his mind, it was a _bad_ thing, he _definitely_ didn’t want bad habits forming because of him.

 

“Hyung wait!” Wonwoo didn’t slow down, Mingyu easily caught up and wrapped himself around his arm. He wasn’t strong enough to peel him off, so they continued walking together in silence.

 

“You look nice with glasses.” He didn’t have time to fight his contact lenses this morning, Wonwoo groaned, “please go to your class, I’m begging you.”

The younger pulled away, putting some distance between them, but he still held onto his lower arm. “Answer my questions then.”

Wonwoo frowned, “What questions?” Mingyu sighed dramatically. The hand on his arm slipped into his own and the fingers wrapped around each other automatically. Wonwoo noticed but didn’t comment on it, “The ones you’ve been ignoring since that night at the park... Seungkwan said you have a boyfriend, I hope he means me or I’ll probably kill myself.”

If Mingyu hadn’t been so dramatic then Wonwoo might’ve felt too embarrassed to talk, but as things stood, he was more amused than anything else, “Don’t kill yourself.” He squeezed their hands and rolled his eyes at him, not stopping the fondness that he felt inside from leaking out into his smile.

 

“Tell me.” The younger whined, tugging at his arm.

“Can I tell you some other time? I’m kinda running late” it wasn’t even a lie, but he was lucky he had a legit excuse to escape, Mingyu didn’t make it easy, “tell me _when_? You’re just tryna avoid it, hyung.”

Wonwoo paused on the pavement, Mingyu was right, he _was_ avoiding it, that never worked too well in the past, “Ok.” He took a very deep inhale.

Mingyu pulled away from him and stared directly in his eyes, the anticipation obvious in his actions. He must’ve been waiting to hear it, he’d never really directly confessed to anyone before, let alone someone he felt so much for, but Mingyu deserved to know.

Wonwoo finally exhaled and the next words came out with his breath, “I... l-like you too” he stuttered with some obvious difficulty, Mingyu started squealing in the middle of the road, Wonwoo hoped people didn’t notice or didn’t care because _he_ was mortified.

 

“what else?” He was done squealing and back to staring in anticipation. It took him a minute to figure out what the younger wanted to hear, then he remembered what he’d mentioned about Seungkwan, the kid was very loose mouthed.

“Ah that... I mean I don’t have one...” the younger’s face fell, Wonwoo smiled because he knew he had just the thing to fix it, “but you can be my boyfriend, if you want.”

Mingyu collapsed into a ball on the sidewalk and if he didn’t immediately start fake crying then Wonwoo would be worried, “don’t be dramatic, people are watching.”

The younger blindly swatted his hand away and wailed at him, “Let me die in peace please.”

He grabbed him by the fluffy cardigan and pulled, “Get up.” Mingyu didn’t budge.

“You’re making me late, Gyu. Get off the floor.” The tall boy stumbled as he stood and Wonwoo’s arms steadied him before his own brain caught up.

Then he had a face full of warm chest as Mingyu attempted to juice him like a lemon, he didn’t mind, Mingyu smelt nice. It started to become a problem when he didn’t seem to want to let go, “I need to go” he mumbled, lips coming into contact with tight muscles after every word, heat rushed to his face.

Mingyu stepped back and Wonwoo could finally breath, now that he’d answered his questions, he hoped the younger would go to his own class and stop ruining his life, “now will you go away?”

 

Mingyu shook his head, “I’ll walk you to class, then I’ll go to mine.”

Wonwoo nodded, satisfied with the compromise.

They walked in silence for a few steps, “When are you free this week?”

He mentally went through his schedule for the upcoming evenings since he knew he had classes every day. Tonight, he’d continue studying for tomorrow’s test, tomorrow night he’d do all the work he’s been ignoring in favour of studying for said test. Wednesday evening, he had a planned gaming session with Seungcheol, it’s been way too long since the last time and he missed both the action and the banter. Wonwoo didn’t want to cancel that, but as he glanced at Mingyu’s hopeful expression he couldn’t help his flaring guilt.

It couldn’t be helped, he took a breath, “Thursday night?”

Mingyu gasped, “I can’t wait that long.” He sounded genuinely offended, it made Wonwoo smile.

“Well, you have to... _unless_...” an idea crossed his mind, “unless what?” Mingyu looked eager, but Wonwoo wasn’t sure whether he should say it.

He began talking, albeit hesitantly, “I was thinking we could get something to eat after my test tomorrow.” Mingyu nodded still eager, it gave Wonwoo the courage to push the limits, “and if you have time afterwards... I was thinking you could come over and watch me do homework, if you’d like.”

Mingyu smiled widely at that, it melted Wonwoo’s heart.

“I’d definitely like to... but do I have to specifically watch you do homework or can I do other things too.”

He pushed him away gently, “don’t be a smartass, you know I didn’t mean that literally.”

Mingyu laughed, Wonwoo couldn’t help but love the way it sounded. Then the younger did something unexpected as he spoke, “Well, I get to spend so many hours with you tomorrow so I can’t wait.”

It wasn’t his imagination, Mingyu was really doing that, he was-

“Are you _hopping_ right now?”

“Yup.” He popped his p, Wonwoo almost popped a vein restraining himself from doing something silly, like shoving him in his pocket and keeping him there, _why was he like this?_

Before he could ponder the question any longer, they stopped in front of the looming modern buildings of his campus. Wonwoo took a deep breath and faced him, “Okay... go away now.”

It still surprised him how Mingyu didn’t seem to get offended, especially when he knew how rude he always sounded.

The younger just smiled and nodded, then he opened his arms super wide, “Hug me first.” Wonwoo blanched, he looked around and bit his lip, _should he?_

_Fuck it,_ he mentally burned the nerves and walked right into his boyfriend’s warm chest and when the strong arms enveloped him, he relaxed, he had _zero_ regrets.

 

Or maybe he had a tiny one, but it wasn’t really a regret per-say. Just an adorable new quirk that he’d discovered and would have to be mindful of in the future. _Mingyu hates ending hugs_. He saved the information in his brain and tried to push him off again.

The younger put up a fight, the hug stretched on and he requested to be let go of once again. Mingyu only obliged after the third time, then he finally walked towards his first class of the day. _Definitely_ late, but not too bothered about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joggers= tracksuit bottoms. (for anyone who's confused)
> 
> This was originally meant to be the last chapter but I cut it in half cuz it was THAT long, the last part will be posted on Thursday since I still have to edit it >_<
> 
> Someone said this was their "current favorite fic". I write because I enjoy writing, but comments like that make me want to go out on the streets and scream, tysm <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mingyu's POV...

 

 

 

“Stop over complicating, I doubt he’ll care.”

Once he heard that dismissive comment, he realised his trusted best friend knew nothing about his beloved new boyfriend. _Of course_ , he’d care, Wonwoo told him _himself_ how much he cared, even though he was awkward at times and was nowhere as expressive as him, he still cared a lot about him. He crossed his arms and sneered at his best friend, the other laughed it off.

Usually Mingyu wasn’t one to complicate things so his friend’s words were a bit wounding.

Earlier in the day, he’d finally updated his best friend on his crush situation when they’d gone to their favourite Chinese restaurant after a class on perspective painting. The other had clapped him on the back and gave him a thumbs up so Mingyu naively assumed he was happy for him, which is why he entrusted him to help him find the perfect outfit for tomorrow. That’s how they ended up in Mingyu’s bedroom, surrounded by mountains of disorganised piles of clothing, it’d been a few hours but nothing was decided yet.

Minghao’s glasses balanced on the tip of his nose, he peered at him through the fake lenses, “I mean really, you said it’s not even a date _date_ , so why so whipped?” the skinny fashionista then crossed his legs, propping his cheek up with an expertly accessorised hand.

Mingyu threw random clothing items in his general direction then hung his head in contemplation. Wonwoo _was_ a little confusing but, “he said we’re boyfriends…” he sulked out loud.

“you let this guy completely run your life huh?... Bet you’d jump to your death if he asked you to.” His best friend shook his head at him, looking disappointed but a small smirk adorned his striking facial features. Mingyu dropped to the floor with a sigh, he didn’t bother negating Minghao’s claim when it felt so _true_.

 

 

He remembered his life before he’d met the angry barista, when he cycled through partners _almost_ as often as he bought new clothes. The time when he had boys and girls quite _literally_ lining up for him, fighting for a fleeting shot at joining his long list of ex-lovers. None of them really stood out to him, they were mostly here for his looks and meaningless sweet-talk anyway, so he indulged them for a while, got his fun then eventually replaced them when he grew tired again.  

He never seemed satisfied with anyone after a while and hated being static for too long, because back then he understood the words “stability” and “commitment” as “monotonous” and “burdensome” rather than “strength” and “promise”.

 

Enter Jeon Wonwoo and Mingyu had a flaming problem on his hands, he’d noticed from the beginning that Wonwoo was different but he was also _really_ hot so he decided to try his luck. The barista’s first impression of him appeared to be disinterest which threw Mingyu off kilter, because he wasn’t used to that. He was used to being chased and bombarded, not ignored and treated like a nuisance, but it seemed Wonwoo was like that to everyone, at least from what he’d observed up to that point.

People often told him he was affectionate, brave, considerate and easy-going, that he was attentive, funny and a good listener, but none of his previously praised qualities worked on Wonwoo. The older appeared cold, barely lukewarm even on the hottest days, it was obvious he didn’t like his job but it wasn’t Mingyu’s duty to make his life easier, either way he found himself unable to stay away.

Another established fact was that he had little control over that, like a moth drawn by an invisible power to an exhilarating light source, it could be an impenetrable glass light bulb or an open flame that would _surely_ destroy him, Mingyu carelessly dove into it, not heeding the dangers. _Fortunately_ , Wonwoo turned out to be the former, confined in gleaming glass, so well-fortified that outside attempts at gaining entry were fruitless. No amount of charm and cheer pulled him out, at some point it became Mingyu’s internal competition, _make him smile for me, make him talk to me, make him react to me._

The transition from those simple tasks to more arduous ones was seamless, Mingyu didn’t even notice. Because suddenly his thoughts were to make Wonwoo _like_ him and _want_ him in ways that seemed impossible at the time, considering the nature of their interactions. So, when the older boy suddenly quit, his departure lodged a blunt wedge in his heart, it was more like a constant tightness that made him feel uncomfortable rather than an unbearable pain. He didn’t realise it was because he was already falling for him, that single emotion encompassing his entire being, numbing the pain of constant rejection that he was subjected to for the long months which followed.

It blinded him to the suffering he was putting himself through and the imminent heartache he seemed to be setting himself up for, but all of the above were easily overshadowed by a single response from Wonwoo. _One_ word from the older and it was all forgotten, soon he was in too deep to back out, it was either get hurt or soldier through and get hurt _twice_ as hard. He chose the latter, something told him he couldn’t quite give _this_ up yet.

“ _This_ ” being the kaleidoscope of butterflies swarming his stomach at the thought of his striking eyes and stunning countenance. The same group that would flutter up to his heart, making it cry sweet tears of red whenever he interacted with him. Regardless of what the older said or did, whether he was his usual restrained self or unexpectedly kind to him. Mingyu inhaled the crumbs Wonwoo hurled at him and nurtured them into full and fulfilling fantasies in his brain.

This stretched on for months while his hope dwindled but the feelings strangely continued to grow, some days he grew too frustrated at the state of his tarnished pride. Growing tired from chasing after a man who clearly had no intention of getting caught, it took its toll on him.

Nevertheless, on other days he found himself really putting an extra effort in his communication attempts, because while the older went days, sometimes weeks without replying to him, once he eventually got around to it, Mingyu gained the sudden conviction to do it _all_ over again. His heart was always crammed with too much feeling, overflowing and spilling into every aspect of his life. When it was at its worst, he’d see the other’s face, lighting up the darkness every time he blinked.

 

Therefore, it was natural for him to be a clumsy, confused mess in Wonwoo’s presence, to either say _too_ much or show _too_ much, exposing _too_ much of what he felt to the other. _Objectively_ , it was like putting a sharp knife in the other’s hand and bearing his bare chest, effectively asking to be hurt and ripped apart. But Mingyu was too biased to think objectively, in his eyes Wonwoo was perfect, so he spent his waking moments reminiscing on their past times together and in his dreams, he resorted to romanticising their future together.

Although the images were out of focus and the details blurred, he knew he still wanted to at least explore these emotions and experience this unprecedented excitement to the fullest.

Thus, when his hyung gave him rare backstage access into his thoughts and offered him the chance to hold and comfort him, he took it in stride and leaped at the opportunity to dispel the other’s suffocating views of himself. But it was harder than he’d thought because he couldn’t have anticipated that someone like _Wonwoo_ was hoarding all that self-negativity, it made his own heart heavy with distress. He’d never lived through anything that pulled at his chest and broke his heart more than the image of his crying face. There was _nothing_ he wanted to do more in that moment than to chase his insecurities and kiss his concerns away.

Mingyu wanted to protect him from those thoughts and be there for him on a deeper level, but the constant reminder that Wonwoo probably _wouldn’t_ appreciate that sentiment, haunted him.

 

So, to him what he _had_ was never enough, he was left reeling with regret, feeling like he’d wasted another opportunity, tarnished it instead of transforming it into something worthwhile. Because, the words he kept unvoiced were always _more_ telling and tender, the things he stopped himself from doing were always _more_ passionate and pure. But Wonwoo seemed scared of getting too close, the last thing Mingyu wanted was to overwhelm him with all his excitement, so he was always the _only one_ to know his heartfelt thoughts even existed.

Mingyu wasn’t used to this either, he was honest and outspoken, so something about suddenly having to internalise and suppress his true self was winding him up the wrong way. One of those days he felt like they’d grow too large and explode, when that day came, he hoped he could shield Wonwoo from the impact, because if it meant he’d see that healing smile again then he didn’t mind getting hurt.

But sometimes, it made him wonder how things would differ if he stopped holding back, if he allowed himself to showcase his innocent intentions. If he’d been more obvious about things to Wonwoo, would everything be different between them?

In a way, he was glad to be saved from researching those questions, events from the park and everything that followed made thoughts like those, pointless and redundant. Mingyu liked Wonwoo for months and now he learnt that those feelings were reciprocated. Being unsure and hesitant has wasted enough of his time in the past, he wouldn’t be handcuffed and controlled by the same demons twice. Mingyu was going to put his all out there, he was going to show how deep his feelings ran for him, he wouldn’t hold back from expressing himself the way he could only _dream_ about before. He didn’t exactly know how he made the transition from being a nuisance to being his boyfriend, but he had a feeling it started the day he saved a small brown dog from getting run over.

 

After that fated encounter in the supermarket things started to look up for him and his dear Wonwoo-hyung. Back then, he was a mere art student with an unattainable muse, easy to please and ecstatic with a single text. He couldn’t have imagined he’d end up where he is, it wasn’t an easy journey either, but he’d do it again and again and still have an appetite to go for another million repeats. Because he got here in the end, he got him in the end and he’ll work his darn hardest to keep him till the end.

Mingyu thought about that night almost every day, because that night he’d felt a seismic shift in the air as they looked into each other’s eyes, like they’d bypassed the barriers for the first time and gained insight into the other’s soul. It was a change of great proportions and the ripples of the resulting earthquake were still felt to this date. In many ways, they wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for that, because he doubted they’d be what they currently are had they not accidentally crossed paths on that cold winter night.

 

 

 

The weather was a lot warmer these days, it’s been a while since spring first arrived, bringing full blooms and flower blossoms. The frigid winds were exchanged for fragrant billows, while the freezing weather was replaced with a breeze full of fruity flavours, perfect for leisurely strolls and listening to peaceful ballads.

Mingyu lounged lazily on the grassy fields of the park, the same one their relationship _technically_ started in. Earlier in the morning he’d been running laps with Yugyeom and Jungkook, another two of his close friends from university. It was a tradition of sorts for the three of them to work out together, whether at the gym or someone’s home or trying out new sports. Being active was a hobby that connected them, it was a passion they shared. Although exercise was fun, it also required a lot of self-discipline and concentration and they usually excelled in all its forms.

This morning however, Mingyu’s heart and mind were elsewhere, he was distracted as evident from his frequent trips and falls. His friends noticed his fluctuating focus and decided to end their morning session early, Mingyu couldn’t explain why he was so spaced out to them, they didn’t know about Wonwoo.

That’s how he chose to lay down and stare at the clouds, hoping the monotony of the scenery would calm his hormonal feels.

Instead, he found himself counting down the seconds to his first ever date with Jeon Wonwoo. Granted, the older never called it _that_ but Wonwoo tended to be cutely shy sometimes, so Mingyu allowed himself to read between the lines. He decided to go back home and get ready when the clouds did little to dull his infectious excitement.

 

 

 

 

The next thing he knew, he was sitting on a bench outside the main entrance of Wonwoo’s campus, he had his phone playing a random playlist in his ears and a smile that reached his eyes on his face. Mingyu was aware that he was a whole 40-minutes ahead of their agreed time but frankly he was more shocked that he managed to keep from coming hours earlier.

 

**I’m here**

**Hope your test is going well**

**Can’t wait to see you**

 

He shot the texts with zero resistance on his part, giddy with excitement at being able to express himself so freely. The icing on the cake would be for his happiness to transfer together with his words straight to Wonwoo and make the other smile. There’s little he wouldn’t do to see that as it lit up his beautiful face, he’d go to the greatest of lengths for him.

 

It was early, barely 10:30am and the campus was mostly empty as students sat in the middle of their classes. Tuesdays were Mingyu’s day off, he often spent it catching up on his art coursework at the campus studios or hanging out somewhere with whoever was interested. Friend or stranger, he didn’t judge as long as it was fun then he enjoyed their company. Today he was _certain_ he’d enjoy his company, what he didn’t expect was for that company to join him so soon.

He’d been enjoying his music, head tilted slightly upwards at the bright sky but instead of watching the passing clouds he kept his eyes closed and let his thoughts run wild. Humming along in content until his right earphone was pulled away, forcing him to open his eyes and look backwards.

They locked gazes, a greeting falling softly through his lips, “Hi.”

Wonwoo was standing behind him, black hair gently fluttering with the breeze, his coral lips pulled in an effortless smirk. Mingyu felt his own facial features rearrange to make room for his beaming smile when he met those dark eyes.

Mingyu noticed he looked surprisingly relaxed for someone who’s just sat a test he’d been _so_ worried about, “You’re early, did the test not happen?”

The older circled the bench and sat beside him, “it’s been postponed to next week, apparently someone leaked the test paper this morning... I was studying in the library when I got your texts and thought I’d keep you company.” Mingyu cooed, ruffling Wonwoo’s fluffy hair, the silky thick strands slipping softly through his fingers, “that’s very thoughtful of you, hyung. I’m grateful.”

Wonwoo jerked his head away and glared, reminding Mingyu of a cute cat that hated getting petted, but the ghost of a smile lingered on the elder’s lips.

They settled back down after that, music continued to flow to his left ear while he stared at the space between them, considering making it disappear. Before he could do that, Wonwoo asked, “what are you listening to?”

Mingyu put the right earphone back in and gave the left one to Wonwoo who blinked at it, “put it in and listen with me.” Mingyu made the space disappear as Wonwoo began smiling at the spring tune currently playing in their ears. 

As the songs changed and they remained in their comfortable positions, Mingyu observed the boy on his left. His milky skin and prominent bone structure, pouted pink lips and perfect jawline. _A work of art_ , he mused, so worth drooling over, he swallowed as he followed the slender line of his neck stopping at the collar of his white undershirt. He noticed the sleeves of his striped blue button-up shirt were rolled up to his elbows, a rare sight since Wonwoo had an obsession with sweaterpaws. Mingyu developed an addiction to the endearing sight, to the point where seeing him without them was almost disappointing but Wonwoo wasn’t capable of evoking negative emotion from him.

Besides, those long slim arms were a sight to behold, he traced the veins running along their length, the white strapped watch hugging snuggly against the skin of his wrist. Mingyu desperately wanted those arms snuggly hugging against _his_ skin, imagining their softness as they glided around his shoulders, hands playing with his hair like they’d done in the closet, face in his neck and overpowering scent surrounding his every sense.

Speaking of closets, he bit his lip in thought, eyeing Wonwoo’s shoulder. It was his favourite place to lean his head, surprisingly broad and sturdy for someone so skinny, he closed his eyes and dove in.

 

“Classes will be out soon.” The deep melodic voice flowed like sweet streams of thick honey through his ears, the sound coated his heart in a fresh layer of feels and he sighed happily.

“Do you wanna get going then?” Mingyu was comfortable the way he was, head on Wonwoo’s shoulder, feeling his breaths on his forehead, indulging in his boyfriend’s smooth scent and the heat of his body. But if Wonwoo wanted to go then that’s exactly what they’ll do.

“Please.” He sat up slowly and their eyes met, that single word made him feel like swooning. That voice with those eyes and that smile, it was a deadly combination and he was reminded of Minghao’s words from yesterday. _Bet you’d jump to your death if he asked you to_ , his best friend might’ve been on to something with that comment.

 

“Where do you wanna go?”

He felt him shrug from beside him as they walked with their hands linked and shoulders glued together. The fresh spring breeze, was fragrant and refreshing as he inhaled, his lungs filling with oxygen while his heart expanded with happiness. With his infamous clumsiness it probably wasn’t a smart idea to walk while staring at Wonwoo, but his eyes always found him.

“Okay, on a scale of 1 to famished, how hungry are you?” The shorter gave him a look like he was thoroughly judging him, Mingyu laughed.

He found it cute how Wonwoo’s eyes narrowed into slits, almost disappearing. It made him adorable even though he knew the other was going for intimidation.

“2.5” he answered anyway, Mingyu hummed, he’ll have to keep it simple then. “I know just the place, we’ll walk there. Is that okay?” Wonwoo nodded and held his hand tighter, Mingyu’s heart transformed into an amateur drummer and he marched to its erratic beat.

 

Soon enough, the smells and sounds of the street food market greeted them hungrily. Tens of stalls lined either side of the road, a foodie’s idea of heaven, it offered something for everyone, every craving and food type was laid out as far as the eye could see. Mingyu felt a tug on their joined hands, when he looked back Wonwoo’s mouth was agape and his eyes were sparkling, the sight was incredibly endearing, “you’ve never been here?” he guessed correctly, “I-I’ve heard of it…” he wasn’t surprised that his hyung lived under a rock, he made more plans to take him places that’ll make his jaw drop.

They’d spent an hour browsing, choosing and tasting a variety of dishes, from fried rice to boiled and baked goods. Wonwoo was feeling pretty satisfied but Mingyu’s bottomless pit of a stomach was still on the lookout for a feast. His wandering eyes stumbled upon a fried fish stall and he dragged Wonwoo over.

Mingyu was so engrossed in his task that he hadn’t noticed Wonwoo’s deepening scowl of disgust.

“Two fried shrimp hotdogs, please.” He ordered with his usual charming smile, the vendor got to work preparing it for them when Wonwoo interjected, “actually just one, please.” The vendor politely nodded and handed Mingyu the food in a Styrofoam cup, he paid and they left.

“Are you full already?” Mingyu asked as they continued walking through the slowly thickening crowds.

Wonwoo nodded, hands deep in the pockets of his jeans, Mingyu loved how long they made his legs look, “It’s barely lunch time anyway... I also don’t like seafood.” That last part was a revelation to Mingyu, it made his eyes widen, “Why?”

“I don’t like the smell or the taste”

Mingyu smirked, this sounded exactly like the conversation they had regarding alcohol, “Sure you _don’t_.” He slurred around a mouthful of fried mustardy goodness.

Wonwoo narrowed his eyes at him, the older looked suspicious, “what’re you insinuating?”

Mingyu shook his head and waved his shrimp-less hand innocently, “nothing, hyung. I’m sure you can’t stomach seafood, I _totally_ believe you, there’s _absolutely_ no reason I shouldn’t.”

Wonwoo stopped, they’d reached an intersection anyway so while the older crossed his arms and glared, Mingyu allowed himself to be scrutinised. The only way Wonwoo’s confusion would be genuine is if he’d somehow completely forgotten that night at the bar. It seemed a bit ridiculous that was the case, though.

“You’re being sarcastic and I really don’t get it.”

Wonwoo’s face was scrunched in thought, his expression the epitome of puzzlement. That’s when it dawned on Mingyu that Wonwoo was probably telling the truth, he chuckled breathlessly, “you don’t remember that night at the party?”

 

“I do...” Wonwoo’s voice was small, Mingyu had reasons to doubt their honesty, he stepped closer to inspect but the older avoided his gaze, “you don’t sound awfully sure… What do you think happened that night?”

“We almost got caught in the closet, then you rudely dragged me out and took me home... right?” they crossed the road while Wonwoo shared his version of events, Mingyu stifled his laughter and pulled the shorter to his side as they walked.

“So nothing happened in between then?”

Wonwoo pulled away, staring at him with furrowed brows, Mingyu could tell he was thinking hard. It must’ve been disconcerting to be lose a portion of his memories, knowing Wonwoo, the older probably agonised a lot over that, wondering what he could’ve said or done, considering how intensely he tended to nit-pick things.

He hummed, finally understanding the true reason as to why Wonwoo didn’t drink often.

“Mingyu, what happened in between?” he caught the confusion swimming in his eyes and shook his head, “don’t worry about it.” Mingyu smiled to himself, the memories of a bold, hyper expressive and flirty Wonwoo replaying in his mind. This was a secret he wasn’t dying to share for once, besides he had the real, living, breathing man walking by his side.

Fingers interlocked and swinging between them, footfalls in sync with their heartbeats and matching silly grins on their faces. His time was precious he couldn’t waste it on frivolous daydreams, there was no need for that anymore.

 

~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~

 

 

 

Somehow, he _always_ managed to misplace his apartment key, out of 4 pockets and a whole bag with hidden compartments, he always found it in the least likely location. This meant that he normally spent quite some time rummaging around before he finally made it inside.

“Did you check your back pockets?” Mingyu asked from where he sat against the wall next to his apartment.

“I don’t put it there” his big backpack was so far not yielding any results adding to his frustration. “Hyung, in my opinion I think it’s on you somewhere. I don’t think it’s in the bag.” He pursed his lips sceptically, not that Mingyu wasn’t allowed to state his opinions but _how the hell would he know?_ Only Wonwoo himself could know where he placed that elusive key.

“No offence, but how would you know?”

Mingyu stood up, “What if I find it?” He dusted himself off, a strange air of confidence around him.

It confused Wonwoo, “Uhm, you won’t though”

Mingyu stepped closer to him, “And _if_ I do?” He cracked his knuckles, Wonwoo took an involuntary step back when his personal space was thoroughly eradicated. He couldn’t think straight with the younger’s scent clouding his judgment, he said the first thing that came to mind.

“I’ll... give you a spare _key?_ ” Wonwoo gaped in shock at his own words.

The younger appeared surprised too, he beamed and Wonwoo turned his face away, _too_ close, _too_ bright.

“ _Nice_... pull your arms up, pretty boy.” He rolled his eyes but did as told, blush creeping up his cheeks, Mingyu was close enough that Wonwoo could count each of his long eyelashes individually, he gulped and bit his lip.

The younger’s hands settled on either side of his face, cupping his cheeks, thumbs brushing under his eyes, he closed them. He indulged in the feeling of Mingyu’s feather light touches and gentle caresses, they made him feel unstable, like he’d melt into a puddle of goo or spontaneously combust on the spot.

“What are you doing?” He attempted to ask through mushed cheeks, the younger chuckled, “looking for your key”

Before Wonwoo could voice his protest, Mingyu’s hands moved to his hair, pushing it all off his face and brushing the strands backwards. He did it a few times and Wonwoo found that he really enjoyed that, it was almost therapeutic, he wanted to moan at how good it felt but he managed to hold back. Thankfully, Mingyu stopped before he was asked to and the gentle hands were now just below his armpits.

Wonwoo flinched and something dangerous flashed in Mingyu’s eyes, “you’re _ticklish_... what do I do with that information?”

Wonwoo inhaled sharply, shaking his head, “Nothing, I’ll _kill_ you if you put your hands on me!”

“Woah...” Mingyu leaned back with a raised eyebrow, not looking fazed by the threat at all, “... big words from such a cutie. Did I tell you how adorable you look when you’re angry? It’s not scary at all” Wonwoo silently fumed, he’d already figured that much.

Mingyu stepped even more into his personal space but fortunately he seemed to be doing his job this time. Wonwoo squirmed and blushed crimson regardless, because either way Mingyu’s hands were on him. He felt their warmth seeping through his clothing, making him come alive in places he didn’t even know were sensitive before. A hand on his chest startled him back into his fantasy-like reality.

Mingyu smirked when their eyes met as he retrieved a gleaming silver key from Wonwoo’s breast pocket, “ _How?!_ ” his eyes widened, he had no recollection of how It ended up there, granted, he never really remembered where he put it, _ever_.

 

 

 

Wonwoo was burning up as he stepped into his cool, clean apartment. He’d been so overwhelmed by stress about that cancelled test that he’d mopped the whole place before he finally found sleep last night. Right _now_ , the overwhelming emotion was embarrassment, how the younger could just touch him like that without dying was a mystery, because all Wonwoo did was stand there and he wasn’t sure if he was still part of the living.

The cause of his embarrassment trailed in after him, he heard the door close and suddenly felt short of breath. He began to ramble, “This is my living room...” he stated the obvious, Mingyu’s sarcastic tone sliced through his nerves, “WoW, I wouldn’t have guessed.” He turned around and smacked his rock of a chest, his palm kind of ached, Mingyu pretended to be pained.

Wonwoo started walking in the direction of the bedrooms, “That’s the kitchen and the bathroom is just down the hall” he pointed to their left, because apparently, he was giving a tour now, at least the embarrassment seemed to be ebbing down.

Mingyu walked ahead of him and opened the door to his bedroom, _that_ wasn’t strange but the fact that he walked straight in like he knew _exactly_ what to expect was _very_ strange.

Wonwoo sat at his desk and began rearranging his textbooks and papers while Mingyu lounged on his bed. The blush was back on full blast, he didn’t think he’d live to see the day where Kim Mingyu voluntarily laid on _his_ bedsheets. The image was so provocative that he forgot all about how Mingyu walked in here like he already knew the place.

“Hyung, how much work have you got?” He shrugged without turning around, he wasn’t ready for another heart attack, “Quite a lot. I might take 3 maybe 4 hours... make yourself at home.” Mingyu hummed, Wonwoo smiled at the sound and made an effort to finish as quickly as possible.

 

Sometime into his study session, another chair was placed right next to his own and when he looked, he was met with a smiling Mingyu. “Where’d you find that?” He ignored his unfairly radiant face and pointed at the chair instead. It was the one seungcheol used whenever he came over, usually he kept it in the spare room because it took up a lot of space.

“From your hoarding room... Do you ever clean it?” Wonwoo was too surprised at the younger’s word choice to comment, because that’s _exactly_ how he and his friends referred to that room.

He shared his thoughts, “This is weird.”

Mingyu leaned into him, “What is?” Wonwoo didn’t know how the younger expected him to get any work done when he was this close, face right next to his ear and warm breath fanning his still pink cheeks.

He cleared his throat and summoned his evaporating concentration, “How you’re already so familiar with my apartment… like you’ve _been_ here before.”

Mingyu laughed like he was having too much fun, Wonwoo thought he was hiding something, “Why’s that weird, hyung?”

Wonwoo’s confusion seeped into his voice, “Cuz you _haven’t_?” Mingyu shook his head. _What?_

Wonwoo’s lips pursed, he’s had enough of not knowing. “Just tell me what happened after the party.” That night was the only black hole in his memory, he had a feeling he’d missed something crucial, not least because of how the younger was acting.

 

Mingyu leaned back into his own chair and shook his head again, “No.”

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, “ _No?_ ” he wasn’t used to hearing that from him.

Mingyu looked straight into his eyes and shrugged, “I don’t feel like telling you.”

 

They stared unblinkingly at each other for a while until Wonwoo pulled the petty card, “You’re not getting the spare key, then.” The look on the younger’s face screamed injustice, quite ironic considering Wonwoo was studying to be a lawyer.

“Well _that’s_ not fair.”

Wonwoo mirrored the younger’s earlier actions, leaning back into his chair and shrugging, “Life’s not fair.”

 

In the next second, Mingyu regurgitated the desired information, “You got really drunk at the bar near the bakery and I dragged you home. Now give me the key.”

Wonwoo spluttered like he was having a seizure, “You- but I... _what?!_...” so many questions swarmed his mind, fighting for dominance and attention. _What did he do after getting drunk? Did he say anything weird? Why would Mingyu not tell him?_ for the most part, he assumed he mustn’t have been _too_ bad because Mingyu hadn’t relocated to the other side of the globe but more importantly, why did past him think it was a good idea to get drunk? _Especially_ , in Mingyu’s presence. His head spun dizzyingly at the dump of information.

He felt a finger poking his cheek and when he blinked back into the present, Mingyu said, “Give me the key.” With a palm outstretched.

With a burdened mind he walked to his bedside table and retrieved the spare key from his top drawer.

Mingyu snatched it out of his hand before he could even turn around. But he was too preoccupied to dwell on that, the reason for his hangover-like symptoms from that morning now becoming clear. It was like finding all the corner pieces of a puzzle, it gave him a solid starting point and a vague idea of what the rest of the pieces looked like.

However, knowing his alcohol induced amnesia, he’d probably never manage to salvage the full picture. He shivered involuntarily as he thought about what could’ve happened, drunk Wonwoo was him but without the awkward hesitation and all the anxious thoughts. From what he’d previously experienced he could imagine he’d probably talked too much, maybe got cuddly at some point, he sometimes randomly started singing too, maybe he’d done that. According to Jihoon, drunk Wonwoo was filter-less, an honest rebel, innocent like a child but he also acted different depending on who he was with.

Apparently, he was most cuddly with Soonyoung, uncontrollably crazy with Jun, deeply thoughtful about the dumbest things with Suengcheol and more savage with Jihoon. Wonwoo wondered how that trait could’ve manifested with Mingyu, but he was too embarrassed to ask. _Did he really want to know?_

As if he’d been reading his mind, Mingyu offered an answer, “You’re such a flirt when you’re drunk.” Wonwoo slowly lifted his palms to his face and dug his fingers into his closed eyelids.

“Aww... are you embarrassed? Wonwoo’s ears burned, he considered legging it to the bathroom and locking himself in there. Mingyu’s arms snaked around his torso from behind, locking him in place. The younger’s chin settled on his shoulder, then he felt soft lips on his jaw and lost the ability to coherent thought.

 

 

 

 

Somehow, after he’d managed to escape the strong arms, he retreated back to his desk, then he purposefully ignored the younger’s attempts at getting his attention while he buried himself in his work. An hour or so later, his concentration lapsed for a moment while he finished with one assignment and moved on to the next. He looked around his empty bedroom, and startled for a second, in that moment a delightful aroma wafted through the air and danced into his nostrils, simultaneously dismissing his worrying thoughts and making his mouth water. He smiled in content and began working on the next piece of homework.

Wonwoo was in the _zone_ , one of those times where he was completely and utterly focused to the point that outside stimuli had no effect on him.

Mingyu’s head landed on his shoulder and his focus was stolen _instantly_ , he wasn’t too surprised by that. “Were you cooking?”

Mingyu rubbed his head on Wonwoo’s shoulder, he assumed that was meant to be a nod. “Are you hungry?”

The younger repeated the action again, this time rubbing his own belly. Wonwoo bit his lip to stop from cooing at the sight, “Okay, let me finish this and we’ll eat.”

Mingyu sighed heavily, moving back slightly to stare at him with extra sparkly eyes and the cutest pout.

 

Wonwoo was out of the room in an instant, he needed space, he needed to breathe, Mingyu was stealing all his oxygen today and it wasn’t good for his brain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“But mars bars melt softly, they don’t give you a toothache like snickers.”

It was after lunch and instead of going back to his desk, Wonwoo took pity on the other, he must’ve been lonely. That’s how the pair ended up sitting on opposite sides of the couch with their legs tangled in the middle and a bowl of popcorn between them.

Wonwoo laughed at Mingyu’s chocolate comparisons, they’d been debating what the best snacks were when the conversation somehow shifted here. “Jelly will always be superior.” He mumbled over a mouthful of salty popcorn.

Mingyu nudged him with a foot, “That’s not a chocolate hyung” he shrugged and focused on the Tv as the opening credits to a random movie rolled by.

 

The sun was barely setting outside so it wasn’t the perfect lighting to watch a movie but they were doing it anyway. To be honest, Wonwoo wouldn’t care what they did as long as they were doing it together, he smiled at the thought.

“She’s so stupid” he huffed involuntarily as the main character walked herself into danger yet again, Mingyu laughed and the sound was a lot closer than he’d expected.

Turns out that’s because they’d somehow both evacuated their respective ends and met up in the middle, their arms were almost touching and there was barely any space left between them. Wonwoo leaned closer to Mingyu’s shoulder, he told himself he just wanted to understand why the younger did it to him so often. _What was so good about leaning your head on someone else’s shoulder?_ It was his thesis, he was only investigating for the sake of science.

Just as his head landed on Mingyu’s shoulder, the younger’s head leaned gently on top of his own. His eyes were wide open in panic but it was okay because Mingyu couldn’t see his face. An arm caressed its way around his shoulders and pulled him closer, rouge lips delicately applied a fleeting pressure on his crown. He melted under the younger’s ministrations, having his attention like this felt like heaven and hell at the same time. His deep thoughts were interrupted by his vibrating phone, the movie was a distant distraction by now, so he snuck a look at the device.

 

**Woooooooooon**

**OMG**

**U WILL NEVA GEUSS WAH**

**GUEDS WHA?!!!!**

**You said I’ll never guess...**

**SOONY WAS KISSING**

**ISNT THAT CRAZY???**

**Uhm Junhui**

**...**

**Isn’t that a normal thing to do at our age?**

 

He didn’t understand why that information was ALL-CAPS worthy, but he understood that Jun’s idea of speech and communication was crazed screaming cries.

Mingyu’s warm breath on his cheek distracted him from his screen, “Is it Soonyoung?”

He locked his phone and tried to subtly move away, “No.” he paused, “Wait!...” _how does Mingyu know Soonyoung?_ He might’ve talked about him before but he didn’t recall mentioning him by name. “You know Soonyoung?”

The younger shrugged, “Not really, we dance battled at that party... Seungkwan told me you two were close.”

Wonwoo tried to figure out why that kind of conversation needed to happen, why Mingyu wanted to know about him and Soonyoung. He came up with nothing and shrugged back, “he’s one of my best friends... I was texting Jun right now though, one of my _other_ best friends” he picked the phone up again, but before he unlocked it Mingyu spoke, “How many do you have?” The younger was clearly joking so his eyes widened when Wonwoo started counting on his fingers, “3 and a half.”

“How can you have half a best friend?”

“He’s really short.” Just as he answered, he got more texts from Jun, Mingyu chuckled and Wonwoo smiled at him.

 

**SHOOT**

**I FIRGOT THD MOST IMPORTENT BIT**

**JIHOON!!!!**

**What about him?**

**THEY WERE KISSING!!**

**Cme on Wonwoo**

**I love you but you’re sUPER dense**

**Only sometimes tho**

The last message was followed with a winking emoticon, he rolled his eyes and locked his phone again.

To be frank, the news wasn’t all that surprising to him. Soonyoung and Jihoon have always been strange together, ever since middle school when he’d first met them. They always had this crackling tension between them, like an invisible charge in the air, a weird chemistry that Wonwoo couldn’t quite decrypt. The electricity in their eyes when they thought no one was looking and the intense distaste one showed when the other was with someone else.

Although, he didn’t think they’d out themselves so soon, he always thought Seungcheol and Jeonghan would be the first couple in their friend group. But he also thought he’d be single for life and run a cat shelter after retirement, the cats could keep him company.

In a strange twist of fate, he became the first to start dating and Jeongcheol were still in denial. His plans to run a cat shelter were something he really treasured though, he wondered if Mingyu would help with that.

 

“Hey...” His whisper got Mingyu’s attention and eyes on him, “what are your thoughts on cats?”

“Cats?” Mingyu’s expression was bewildered, Wonwoo nodded. The movie was still playing in the background but he doubted either of them could give an accurate summary of its progression.

“Well, you remind me of a cat, so I think they’re cute...” Wonwoo was smiling like his lips would split until he heard the next part, “but you might be an exception because I’m usually more of a dog person... how’s Angel by the way? Can I see him today?” His soaring mood plummeted, he twisted away from him, “no, you can’t.”

Mingyu sulked, “Why not?”

Wonwoo wasn’t being mean on purpose, the dog and his owner were both still missing. He’d called the daughter enough times already, and every time she’d said the same thing, her mother is more unwell than they thought, she’d stay in hospital for a while longer, Akuma would continue to stay with her for the time being. After the fourth phone call, he felt like he was crossing an invisible line and needed to retreat, he’ll just wait, he hoped they’ll be back soon. “His owner isn’t well, he’s staying somewhere else for now.”

Mingyu’s next sigh was soaked in sadness, “Oh... poor puppy. I hope his owner gets better soon... Were you close with them?” Wonwoo shrugged, “Not really... but I hope she recovers quickly, I miss that fluff ball.”

The younger lifted his head from his shoulder to nod, “me too” then he went back to cuddling him from behind.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes, attempting to conceal how flustered Mingyu’s affection was making him, “you’ve barely known him for an hour.”

“I already love him though, he’s precious.” Wonwoo scoffed.

“You’re precious too, Won.” heat surged through his veins and set flames to his heart, “you too.” He blurted while his brain fried itself like the egg he had for breakfast.

 

Mingyu sighed out loud and began juicing him again, but like a lime this time, because he was using way more force. “You don’t even know how much I- feel for you, hyung.”

His heart ascended to new heights, he was breathless at the overwhelming swell of it, the dizzying feeling must’ve broken his cage of classified secrets because the next three words bolted out of him, “I love you.”

They jumped apart, Wonwoo’s hand immediately concealed his own mouth but the closely guarded secret had already slipped out.

“Mingyu, I- tha- oh my god... I’m _so_ s-” his laughable attempt at explaining things was ended prematurely by a pair of lips, they were plush and velvety smooth, slightly moist and gentle as they moved, they were _definitely_ not his own.

He was about to apologise, his lips literally puckered around the word “ _sorry_ ” when Mingyu attached himself to them.

 

Wonwoo was having an out of body experience, like this wasn’t his reality but then it _was_ , like he was just a spectator and not the main character of his life story. His eyes crossed at how hard he stared at Mingyu’s relaxed face, his brain hurt at how hard he fought to process what the _hell was going on_. _Did he just profess his undying love for Mingyu? Was Mingyu still kissing him?_

He felt a tingly sensation as he slowly pulled back, having nowhere to really go because the younger’s arms were still around him. He swallowed, Mingyu’s long lashes fluttered against his bronzed cheeks when his eyes opened again, they blinked at each other, “What just happened?” he whispered in fear of ruining the eerie silence.

“I kissed you?” Mingyu whispered back.

Wonwoo shook his head, he needed a slap to shock his dislocated brain back to its position, “I’m too shocked to process... _how_ are you okay with it?” he _did_ just tell him he _loved_ him, right? In his brain, when he imagined this confession Mingyu always shrieked and ran away. But in reality, he was holding him, he even _kissed_ him, this made no sense.

 

Mingyu frowned, it seems Wonwoo wasn’t the only one confused by all this, “How am I okay with _what_?”

“We’ve barely been together for two days and I said _that_... you’re not terrified?” his voice grew in volume as his shock intensified.

Mingyu's tone mirrored his own, “I _would_ be, if I didn’t feel the same way about you.”

 

In a spell of demonic possession, he surged forward and connected their lips. Surprise glinted in Mingyu’s eyes for a second, like a shooting star lighting up the dark sky, they fluttered closed after that. Their breaths mixed and he felt the younger pressing back into him, his own eyelids slipped shut.

This time when he felt the tingly sensation he moved towards the sweet pressure, tilting his head to get the best angle as their lips danced to the beat of their hearts. Mingyu’s hands trailed up his arms, one holding his jaw and the other pulling him closer by the shoulder, he was dizzy with stimulation.

Then they pulled apart, foreheads touching as they caught their breath, the younger had both hands on his face, cupping his jaw gently as he stared into his soul, eyes teeming with emotion, Wonwoo held it for a while.

A shiver ran down his spine, he closed his eyes and breathed, “I lied...” he hung his head.

Mingyu moved away from him, he felt simultaneously relieved and distressed, wanting to grab him by the collar and yank him closer but also run as far away as possible from him at the same time.

Mingyu sliced through his contradicting thoughts, a hint of uncertainty to his hushed voice, “What do you mean?”

Wonwoo shook his head, “That kiss...” he started, still slightly breathless, “I told myself I could do it, but I don’t think I was ready for all that.”

 

Mingyu pinched his cheek and he recoiled from the pain, “ow... why?”

The younger leaned back in and kissed the same spot wordlessly, Wonwoo wanted to complain some more, but he suddenly couldn’t find words.

“You scared me... I thought you were gonna take your confession back and say it was a joke or something.” He was smiling but the intense emotion in his eyes told Wonwoo this was as serious and sincere as it got.

 

He choked on his own spit, “I’d never joke about that. I meant it when I said I love you, there’s no other way to explain what I feel when it comes to you.”

The younger grabbed Wonwoo’s hand and placed it on his chest, right above his heart, “you feel that?... its beating for you.”

He scoffed, cringing at how cheesy that was. Then Mingyu laced their fingers and booped their noses together, “I love you too, by the way.”

 

 

Wonwoo melted at the words, a few months ago this would’ve been unforeseeable, a mere unreachable future and faraway fantasy. He’d read about this in a book once, saw it in a list of beautiful sayings, glimpsed it as he scrolled through a compilation of words that were no longer in use. He’d felt no mirth nor misery over that, no emotion in particular, he’d just blinked past it like it lacked significance. Because it _did_ , to the past him at least, the him from the present couldn’t help but let a smile crinkle his happy eyes as he recalled it.

The beautiful word and its equally beautiful definition, written in intricate artistic script visible in his mind’s eye. _Redamamcy_ , the only word in existence that’s more powerful and wholesome than love. Because love was incomplete, it’s only half the story, it’s frail and forgiving, it doesn’t require the other side to reciprocate for it to remain true. But those qualities often times only culminated in agony.

Hence the reason for his intrigue about this word, _redamancy_ , to love in return, the act of loving those who love you, that feeling of mutuality and security isn’t something love offered.

Love itself was a beautiful word, but the beauty was in its many faces, because love could be fake, unrequited or obsessive. A double-bladed sword, at times protecting and defending while at other times it was bruising and destructive. It always carried those negative connotations, sometimes leading to heartache and nauseating consequences as it flowed towards its natural culminations. It was the reason some people feared it and shielded their hearts, the reason why they hesitated and lost their chance, because they knew the dangers, because their fear for one side was greater than their hope for the other.

 

Wonwoo’s newly discovered word, spoke to him differently. It made promises of a love that was mutual, one that was two sided and came from a common source. Like the opposite poles of a magnet or the push and pull of the tides, like the way the sun and the moon came together during an eclipse. Destined to cross paths and make something breath-taking, a beautiful two-part story filled with awe inspiring lines and captivating visuals. The fact that the word wasn’t in use anymore was a testament to its rarity, he wondered exactly how low that probability was for the whole concept to disappear like this. Realised how lucky he was to be in that rare category of fortunate souls.  

 

Thus, Wonwoo never imagined he’d find this with anyone, wasn’t even willing to try at first. But when the stars aligned and fate got to work, there was little that could stand in its way. In the end, Wonwoo found his _redamancy_ with Mingyu. That imperceptible void at the corner of his soul was now filled, now that he knew about it, he knew he wouldn’t be complete without him. Without Mingyu, he’d be half of himself, still present but only partially at his potential.

 

All his conclusions were easy enough to understand, but the one point he struggled to comprehend was why _some_ people sought to be half when they could be whole.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you can tell but I struggled to end this, it might've had something to do with the fact that I didn't want it to end but oh well...
> 
> Thank you to each and every person who clicked on this story and joined me on this journey. I'm very glad that I started writing and I'm ever grateful to everyone for the support. The comments are literally the only way I know how my readers feel so going through them was a huge help, tysm.  
> I just realised that this story began with February and is also ending with it, so that's pretty cool... I don't have much else to say.
> 
> Comment your thoughts please, I'd like to learn from you guys. Your opinions are very important to me, also I'll be writing more in the future. Although, I don't know what I'll be writing or when I'll post again, but ONE day... it'll happen. lol <3


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